Kittie's Journal

Kittie

Confident
I'm a little nervous when I write something or respond to someone else, afraid of using the wrong words to say what I'm trying to say. I've finally got to a place where I can interact with people I don't know who also have PTSD.

I joke that I'm "dumb as a box of rocks", because since having a brain injury 31 years ago, I feel I've lost some IQ points. I've lost a few other things too, but I compensate.

I have difficulty teaching myself new things. I get easily overwhelmed by technology and how to use it.

Example...my boyfriend replaced my 20 year old phone. Very simple to use- dial, answer, or text by pressing the numbers until the correct letter displays, one letter at a time and press "send". That was it!

I'm not ungrateful for this one that is like a typewriter, computer, tv, games, music and amazing camera! It does more than I know what to do with! I've only had this a week, my hair is turning gray! My brain is overwhelmed! My guy is a tech genius and he spent much of our camping trip showing me the different functions of the phone. If I'm shown, I can learn. Teaching myself is a frazzled mess! Getting teary eyed from frustration is a side-effect of TBI. I think that may have been a factor in my failed marriage. I'm much better now, just over 31 years of dealing with it. I've come a long way! No one would know from the outside, but it does affect me. There are physical things I can't hide.

Short term memory isn't very good, but I can remember long ago very clearly. Strange how that works.

My last regular interactions with people were physical therapy and counseling and being a caregiver for my mom, my only relative. I've spent the majority of my life avoiding people, hibernating. Cats are my companions. I had a couple of my own, then inherited mom's two.

Off and on, over the last few years, a good friend and I have become very close and its wonderful to finally have a normal life! Yet I'm not quite normal, I'm accepted.

I have a chance for a happy future, I've prayed for that over 10 years. Depression has improved over the past few months
 

Freida

Sponsor
I'm a little nervous when I write something or respond to someone else, afraid of using the wrong words to say what I'm trying to say.
It can be a bit of a learning curve - but people won't be as harsh as you may fear. Most of the people here understand that sometimes ptsd gets the best of us and we say the wrong thing -- I'm spectacularly good at totally screwing up and I'm still here 😁
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Great start to your diary. Glad you have found good support here it is a very good place to share, support, be supported, and validated when we are full of self-doubt.

I get the new phone overload!!! But you'll get it and have a little computer right in your hand.

And 'normal' is overrated!!! I don't wish to be normal, that sounds boring and restricting. Sorry for your brain injury but you sound just like all of us here.

Continue on with your safe place to sort things out!!!!
 

Kittie

Confident
Great start to your diary. Glad you have found good support here it is a very good place to share, support, be supported, and validated when we are full of self-doubt.

I get the new phone overload!!! But you'll get it and have a little computer right in your hand.

And 'normal' is overrated!!! I don't wish to be normal, that sounds boring and restricting. Sorry for your brain injury but you sound just like all of us here.
Thank you, I like the topics (I relate to many!), the people are kind and interacting with others who experience PTSD is more meaningful than talking to someone in their office with a wall of degrees!
 

Kittie

Confident
I felt I had lost some IQ points, then I took an IQ test and found out I had lost more than a few. But that was reportedly from PTSD, not a brain injury. Either way, you are not alone.

Glad to see you have started a diary. I imagine you have lots to say.
Sorry to hear that...PTSD is a life changer, for sure!

This diary will be a good way to get in touch with the part of me I've been running away from. Whether it will make any sense... (smile!)
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
That's one of the many great things about using our diary to sort things out. It doesn't have to make sense when we share it. And everyone will understand. And if you are open to feedback or ask for it, others will share suggestions and if nothing else give you kudos for sharing!!! Just take your time and do what feels right to you.
 

Kittie

Confident
That's one of the many great things about using our diary to sort things out. It doesn't have to make sense when we share it. And everyone will understand. And if you are open to feedback or ask for it, others will share suggestions and if nothing else give you kudos for sharing!!! Just take your time and do what feels right to you.
I'm always open to feedback/suggestions!
 

Sadielady3

Confident
I myself just started the journey and have started journaling for the first time. Only started a couple of weeks ago on here myself. I have no idea if I'm doing it right either. But for me, it's been helpful just to clarify my thoughts and get stuff out of my head. It really has been helping me and I hope it helps you too!

As for the phone, everyone has stuff that they struggle with that is easy for other people. It's okay to struggle. I don't struggle with technology but I sure do struggle with many other things that other people think are easy.
 
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