Knowing you’re just not going to sleep tonight

[Ice_Fire]

Overall I’m quite lucky with sleep. I have episodes of insomnia but overall I’m not bad. But when I do have a stint of not sleeping, or even just a bad night; I know it before it happens.

Sometimes it’s obvious, I’m triggered or anxious about the next day or whatever. But other times there’s no rhyme or reason for it. I’m not even like wired or full of energy. I just, go to bed and turn the light out and know, that nope, not going to happen tonight.

And then I wonder if it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I just don’t know how because there’s nothing I’m aware of as to why and there’s nothing in my head about it until that moment I lie down and then it becomes apparent. It’s as boring a state-the-obvious fact as turning the light off makes the room dark. I’ve turned the light out so now it’s dark and I won’t be getting any sleep.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Just adding in here; I get one of these nights every maybe 2-3 weeks and then it’ll correct itself and be fine again. Last night was one such night.

 

[Friday]

That’s pretty normal for me. It generally takes between 1-3 hours for me to fall asleep (unless I am physically/mentally/emotionally exhausted) and I have certain “windows” I have to hit. If I miss one of those windows? After about an hour my eyes just blink open, and I know my next window won’t hit for at least 12 more hours.

Knowing I’m not going to sleep? Is being aware that I’m outside of a sleep window AND haven’t made the exhaustion trifecta that just pulls me bonelessly into oblivion.

I can half-force a window with a few different things (8 shots of espresso, or a couple double shots of whiskey, or sex, or an explosive burst of excercise for 1-2 hours followed by a hot shower & cold drink, or cold shower & hot drink)… but even then it’s more like creating the possibility of a window, rather than guaranteeing it. But? It’s better than knowing I’ll need to wait 12/20/30/72 hours before I’ll hit a naturally occurring sleep window.

 

[arfie]

i suffered sleep deprivation levels of nightmares for about 20 years or so. anticipating the nightmares is part of how i got past them. planning on them allowed me to be more relaxed in applying preventative measures which included journaling, laying plenty of crafting supplies for restful activities, placing dream talismans, etc.

it's been an uncounted number of years since nightmares have been a problem for me. is it ironic that i often miss those extra quiet hours and often stay up just to enjoy them?

 

[Freddyt]

I kinda know when it's coming. There are things that set it off. I just learned that when it doesn't happen to not stress. I find quiet and rest. I put something I have seen 4000 time on tv, grab a blankie curl up with a book, do something else quiet, whatever.

Like I have said too - the more I worry about sleep the less I sleep.....

 

[Ice_Fire]

and I have certain “windows” I have to hit. If I miss one of those windows? After about an hour my eyes just blink open, and I know my next window won’t hit for at least 12 more hours.

Huh, I’ve not thought about it like this before but yep, that’s a lot how it feels. If I stay up too late or push through a feeling of tiredness early evening, that’s it, night ruined. I must pay more attention to this and see if I can identify a pattern.

But then some nights I go about my normal routine and I feel ‘normal’ And then I shut my eyes and ‘nope’.

when it doesn't happen to not stress

This is something I’ve really struggled with. Clock watching and getting increasingly anxious. I’m better than I was, much better. I’ve learnt to get up, put a calm nature documentary on or something like that and simply accept it. It won’t kill me, caffeine will get me through the following day and it’s fine. The anxiety is a much smaller voice in my head than it ever was, although it is still there.

I think the anxiety especially maybe stems from the fact that sleep deprivation was used as a punishment growing up. The momster would check to see if I was asleep. I used to try my best to pretend but I was so scared of her that often she could tell. And then she would tell me off for not being asleep yet (?) and I would have to stand at the foot of my bed. Either until she got fed up or I literally fell asleep stood up. And she was very good at just standing and not moving and not recognising time herself so it would last all night sometimes.

I do wonder if it’s connected? If subconsciously if I am not asleep quickly it’s like “ok no sleep tonight”. I don’t know. Im just making the dots now so it’s not been something I’ve thought about or been consciously aware of.

 

[Freddyt]

This is something I’ve really struggled with. Clock watching and getting increasingly anxious. I’m better than I was, much better. I’ve learnt to get up, put a calm nature documentary on or something like that and simply accept it. It won’t kill me, caffeine will get me through the following day and it’s fine. The anxiety is a much smaller voice in my head than it ever was, although it is still there.

The.......single..........hardest...............part............is.............breaking the cycle of rumination.....................
Gotta do it. Gen engaged in something that stops that whirlwind of thought in your head.

It's like watching the sink drain.....you get sucked into that vortex and off you go......