ninja
Sponsor
I struggle with labeling things that happened between my brother and I (& sometimes, some of his friends), who is(are) ~6 years older, but since I also feel as though I should know how to label things, I tend to have difficulty asking for assistance with it.
More specifically, I don't know what is and isn't normal; I don't know what is and isn't trauma (I recognize that trauma is technically a spectrum, but the rigid parts of my personality tend to adhere to the criterion A definition); I don't know what is and isn't abuse; I don't know how to distinguish between physical 'aggression' involving genitalia and sexual aggression, and I'm not sure when sexual aggression turns into sexual abuse.
The labeling issue is further exacerbated by the fact that I just don't remember a whole lot. I have random (that is, decontextualized) bits and pieces of memories, and I have confirmation of the few memories I've been able to bring up with my brother, but some parts were definitely wrong or forgotten (i.e., I thought thing x happened at our third house when it actually happened at our second house, etc.).
I do know that memory is quite malleable, and since all of the "stuff" took place when I was 10ish and under (and most of it when I was under 8, beginning at 3-4), remembering is going to feel and be different than what I'm accustomed to, as an adult.
I'm currently trying to sort out how to differentiate physical 'aggression' involving genitalia from sexual aggression from sexual abuse between siblings. Here's what I'm thinking, and I'd really appreciate some other perspectives and/or feedback (there are going to be nuances I miss because I'm thinking about this in a regimented, black-and-white manner at the moment):
Thank you.
More specifically, I don't know what is and isn't normal; I don't know what is and isn't trauma (I recognize that trauma is technically a spectrum, but the rigid parts of my personality tend to adhere to the criterion A definition); I don't know what is and isn't abuse; I don't know how to distinguish between physical 'aggression' involving genitalia and sexual aggression, and I'm not sure when sexual aggression turns into sexual abuse.
The labeling issue is further exacerbated by the fact that I just don't remember a whole lot. I have random (that is, decontextualized) bits and pieces of memories, and I have confirmation of the few memories I've been able to bring up with my brother, but some parts were definitely wrong or forgotten (i.e., I thought thing x happened at our third house when it actually happened at our second house, etc.).
I do know that memory is quite malleable, and since all of the "stuff" took place when I was 10ish and under (and most of it when I was under 8, beginning at 3-4), remembering is going to feel and be different than what I'm accustomed to, as an adult.
I'm currently trying to sort out how to differentiate physical 'aggression' involving genitalia from sexual aggression from sexual abuse between siblings. Here's what I'm thinking, and I'd really appreciate some other perspectives and/or feedback (there are going to be nuances I miss because I'm thinking about this in a regimented, black-and-white manner at the moment):
- What separates physical aggression involving genitalia from sexual aggression and sexual abuse is that it may just be about asserting dominance, whereas sexual aggression and abuse might be dominance for/as part of seeking pleasure or sexual gratification.
- Sexual aggression could be a one-time event, but sexual abuse describes a pattern of behaviour. If this is the case, I guess we'd also have a fourth category: physical abuse involving genitalia.
Thank you.