JEKBreatheandBelieve
MyPTSD Pro
This weekend, I felt horrible (and not just because of the knee surgery). It seemed like I was falling apart. Looking at the Christmas tree, which normally gives me great joy, couldn't even bring me peace. I had a session with my therapist today and identified a trigger. I have slowly been learning over the last couple of years how much extended family can trigger me. I didn't understand it and all the depths of it before. My parents stopped by this weekend and delivered some presents from extended relatives (this normally doesn't happen until after Christmas) and the encouraged my son to put them under the tree to give him something to do.
So all weekend when I looked at the tree, those presents were there. Just sitting there so innocently, but really they were wreaking havoc on my brain. I felt like I just wanted to disappear and that Christmas was ruined and I had no idea where all this was coming from. While talking with my therapist, I realized it was the gifts. They don't belong under the tree. They arrive afterwards and I deal with the mixed emotions after Christmas. Not before.
While on my telehealth call with my therapist, I removed all of those gifts from under the tree and piled them in an out of the way area where I cannot see them. She reminded me that I don't have to do what I feel is expected of me (put them under the tree with the others) and that I can set boundries. So now, there will never be any presents from extended family under my tree before Christmas. I don't need those feelings.
Although I am making progress with identifying these triggers and setting these boundries, it still surprises me how things like this crop up and I don't even consider them as being the source of my mood changes. I wonder if it will ever become second nature to recognize this triggers for what they are and to stop doing what is expected of me in these cases.
So all weekend when I looked at the tree, those presents were there. Just sitting there so innocently, but really they were wreaking havoc on my brain. I felt like I just wanted to disappear and that Christmas was ruined and I had no idea where all this was coming from. While talking with my therapist, I realized it was the gifts. They don't belong under the tree. They arrive afterwards and I deal with the mixed emotions after Christmas. Not before.
While on my telehealth call with my therapist, I removed all of those gifts from under the tree and piled them in an out of the way area where I cannot see them. She reminded me that I don't have to do what I feel is expected of me (put them under the tree with the others) and that I can set boundries. So now, there will never be any presents from extended family under my tree before Christmas. I don't need those feelings.
Although I am making progress with identifying these triggers and setting these boundries, it still surprises me how things like this crop up and I don't even consider them as being the source of my mood changes. I wonder if it will ever become second nature to recognize this triggers for what they are and to stop doing what is expected of me in these cases.