Seeking_Nirvana
MyPTSD Pro
I did something I don't think I've ever done in my life today. I was at my uncle's house cleaning for him and he told me he was having issues with his neighbors.
They have been trying to irritate each other to the point it has gotten out of hand and threats were made.
I told him that I would speak to everyone and see if I could get it resolved so he and them can continue to live in the same place without chaos.
I approached the first set of people and talked to them very calm and let them know I wasn't for or against them, but only trying to get to the "root" of the problem so everyone can move past it. After I was done talking to them they all agreed to let it go.
I then talked to the second set of people and had the same result. Then, the leader of this group (who doesn't even live there) showed up and started to create chaos and got all of the people I spoke to, to change their minds and continue the conflict. He wasn't willing to let it go and made it clear he was going to continue with the nonsense.
Instead of fighting with him I just questioned him politely as to why he wouldn't let it go and he said, "Because I don't have to and you can't make me".
At that point I realized I couldn't reach him and to let the police handle it. The police got to the bottom of it and found that he was the root of the problem after questioning everyone. Now he is banned from the building my uncle lives in.
I realized a few days ago that remaining calm and letting people know that I just want to resolve the issue with logic, facts and reason instead of chaos or intimidation isn't the answer. So today I was tested and I passed with flying colors. I'm still in shock!
This is a major break through for me and I wanted to share it because I'm real happy I finally overcame that hurdle. I'm learning to "unlearn" certain negative behaviors and communicate better with groups of people with out having to resort to screaming and yelling to get my point across.
I'm still not sure how I did this today and I don't think I can do it this way every single time. But, it was a major break through because I accomplished my goal by remaining calm, sitting down in order to let them know I'm equal to their level, smiling, listening and restating what their concerns were, and letting them know I understand them and will speak to my uncle about what is bothering them so they can all get along.
I always thought the best way to get a bully off my back was to threaten them, but I learned the hard way that it can, and will make things worse. If a bully or troublemaker is on my back because they don't like me (for what ever reason) I need to use different strategies.
I've always heard if you stand up to a bully they will back down. FYI - NOT true in every case.
Tammy
They have been trying to irritate each other to the point it has gotten out of hand and threats were made.
I told him that I would speak to everyone and see if I could get it resolved so he and them can continue to live in the same place without chaos.
I approached the first set of people and talked to them very calm and let them know I wasn't for or against them, but only trying to get to the "root" of the problem so everyone can move past it. After I was done talking to them they all agreed to let it go.
I then talked to the second set of people and had the same result. Then, the leader of this group (who doesn't even live there) showed up and started to create chaos and got all of the people I spoke to, to change their minds and continue the conflict. He wasn't willing to let it go and made it clear he was going to continue with the nonsense.
Instead of fighting with him I just questioned him politely as to why he wouldn't let it go and he said, "Because I don't have to and you can't make me".
At that point I realized I couldn't reach him and to let the police handle it. The police got to the bottom of it and found that he was the root of the problem after questioning everyone. Now he is banned from the building my uncle lives in.
I realized a few days ago that remaining calm and letting people know that I just want to resolve the issue with logic, facts and reason instead of chaos or intimidation isn't the answer. So today I was tested and I passed with flying colors. I'm still in shock!
This is a major break through for me and I wanted to share it because I'm real happy I finally overcame that hurdle. I'm learning to "unlearn" certain negative behaviors and communicate better with groups of people with out having to resort to screaming and yelling to get my point across.
I'm still not sure how I did this today and I don't think I can do it this way every single time. But, it was a major break through because I accomplished my goal by remaining calm, sitting down in order to let them know I'm equal to their level, smiling, listening and restating what their concerns were, and letting them know I understand them and will speak to my uncle about what is bothering them so they can all get along.
I always thought the best way to get a bully off my back was to threaten them, but I learned the hard way that it can, and will make things worse. If a bully or troublemaker is on my back because they don't like me (for what ever reason) I need to use different strategies.
I've always heard if you stand up to a bully they will back down. FYI - NOT true in every case.
Tammy