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Learning to tame the inner critic with cptsd.

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Philippa

MyPTSD Pro
So, I figured it might belong here...http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Diagnostic Criteria for Personality Disorder (Comparison of DSM-IV DSM-5 old DSM-5 new.pdf

I wanted to start a discussion about ways in which we can all learn to deal with flare ups from the inner critic.

I know that I have bouts of just constantly second guessing myself, and falling back into harsh self-criticism, which only sets me back if I am unable to counteract it, and so I wanted to post a link that might provide some helpful methods for dealing with this when it happens.

Does anyone here feel they have anything to add to what this therapist offers in the link above?

I'd be curious to learn more effective ways of taking the reigns in situations like flare ups, which I have been having recently.

Thanks in advance.
 
Wow Philippa, thanks. Can't add anything, but I can't believe what I've read- feel like an alien who somehow accidentally landed on my home planet- can't believe it. :)
The article(s) I read are triggering in themselves, and there's so much to read, but wow, I can't believe it.
All these years, and someone can actually expain it, explain what to do.

Explains the SI (especially during an EFB), the inability to self-reassure, or self-defend, the self-hatred (shame, disgust), the hopelessness, the need to 'flee', the fact I can rarely get angry. Etc.
"Wow", is all I know.
Thank you.
 
Hi Philippa, and thanks for posting this link. I stumbled by chance on Pete Walker's writings about emotional flashbacks some time ago, very much enjoyed and respected his analysis of this issue, and have had good regard for his work ever since.

As one who is many light years away from meaningful conquering of my inner critic, I confess some feelings of overwhelm in reading this... no doubt thanks to my inner critic's convincing me that I will never be able to attain such control of my thoughts as is outlined here.

A good article though, written by someone with good insight into complext trauma.

Maddog
 
Seems like something I should be reading. It all makes a lot of sense to me.

I used to think my inner critic was my parents, when it is actually a part of me that was trying to protect me growing up. That was a very different environment to the one I am in now, so the techniques it used to protect me--like stopping me from crying out, refusing, grieving or expressing resentment--are sadly outdated.

I've been doing exactly what Pete Walker says: passionately fighting back my inner-critic, which is important because you need to overcome the "totalitarian" grip it has on your psyche (again, because your parents would simply shame you more for emotional outbursts, it needed to actively prevent you from expressing your feelings and being shamed further). Once your inner critic knows that you are a powerful force, you can try reasoning with it and reminding it that you are no longer in the environment where its current repressive behaviour applies. You will probably need to teach it (using conscious self-talk) HOW to be more supportive, because it might not even have any of those tools.
 
Wow Philippa, thanks. Can't add anything, but I can't believe what I've read- feel like an alien who somehow accidentally landed on my home planet- can't believe it.Thank you.

Hey, that's awesome it reached you Junebug.

I know right...finally, someone who actually can give some solid practical help and advice on how to counter act that force inside us.

I was so amazed too when I read it. A good friend sent it to me as she could see from some of my posts that I was flared up, and it had me in tears to know that there was actually someone who could identify all these things AND give ways to help with it.

For the first time, I was able to admit to myself that I actually DO have CPTSD. That's been 9 whole years of not believing I did. That's big.

Hi Philippa, and thanks for posting this link. I stumbled by chance on Pete Walker's writings about emotional flashbacks some time ago, very much enjoyed and respected his analysis of this issue, and have had good regard for his work ever since.

Hi Maddog, my friend really does her research, and she is a very intelligent woman who really sifts through all the crap out there and trusts her intuition. She has been through so much in her life...multiple rapes, and has been through years and years of therapy herself, so I know her sources are reliable.

It's so helpful to hear that this guy is really someone who knows how to help. I sometimes don't know where to start with even trying to sift through dodgy information out there.

As one who is many light years away from meaningful conquering of my inner critic, I confess some feelings of overwhelm in reading this... no doubt thanks to my inner critic's convincing me that I will never be able to attain such control of my thoughts as is outlined here.

You've been through so so much though...it's no wonder. Small steps as my friend would say. Small steps and you can get there. Believe it.

The Inner critic doesn't want to lose it's control over you here, so expect it to flare up more as you progress I think is safe to say.

I used to think my inner critic was my parents, when it is actually a part of me that was trying to protect me growing up.

That's pretty insightful Garblefraz. I hadn't analyzed it to that degree yet, and I assumed it came from the dysfunctional tapes in my head...my dysfunctional parents aspect in my personality.

That was a very different environment to the one I am in now, so the techniques it used to protect me--like stopping me from crying out, refusing, grieving or expressing resentment--are sadly outdated.

It is amazing how they can still affect us in the now though, isn't it. It's just so frustrating, as it goes on in silence most of the time. You have to get really quiet to actually hear what is been whispered to you...or at least, that is my experience. I don't hear the words of doubt...I just feel stuck when I try and do something creative, or paint without fear like I used to.

It takes constant vigilance I've come to understand, and sometimes I'm just not attentive enough to recognize that's what is happening for me under the surface.

I've been doing exactly what Pete Walker says: passionately fighting back my inner-critic, which is important because you need to overcome the "totalitarian" grip it has on your psyche

That's inspiring to me.

Once your inner critic knows that you are a powerful force, you can try reasoning with it and reminding it that you are no longer in the environment where its current repressive behavior applies. You will probably need to teach it (using conscious self-talk) HOW to be more supportive, because it might not even have any of those tools.

That is really interesting, and it makes total sense to me.

Actually starting to confront that and do that in a way that is not denigrating to the inner critic is something I still struggle with I think. I need to appreciate it in a new light, as you pointed out above, I think before I can really conquer it.

Thankyou so much.
 
It's funny, the more I read, the more I've decided that I don't want to become a dedicated fan or follower of any individual or individuals, but rather to try to adopt the approach that any reputable, suitably qualified/experienced and soundly-evidenced author on the relevant subject may well have something that will be of interest/relevance/ meaning to me.

I don't think I believe that anyone knows it all when it comes to trauma recovery or the management of trauma, and while there are some authors I have come to respect as a general rule, I don't know that I've come across any who I feel nail the whole picture.

Pete Walker, for example, takes a fairly psychodynamic approach at times that doesn't do a lot for me in practical terms, but at the same time, much of his writings, particularly concerning this inner critic stuff and the afore mentioned work on emotional flashbacks, really resonates with me.

You're right, it's hard to sift through the crap sometimes, and sometimes even the term "crap" is a subjective one. Really, the more I learn, the more I realise I don't know, and I guess that's ok.

Maddog
 
I found this a particularly interesting and affirming article, written on Pete's website...I hope you all find it helpful...http://www.pete-walker.com/recoverySelfpity.htm

Of course, think for yourself in all matters, and take what you feel resonates with you from every source.

I know that I always struggled with feeling sorry for myself, and did not become aware that it was a culturally enforced shame towards feeling sorrow for your wounded self, but it makes sense to me and is something that, when I have allowed myself to feel in private, when no one else was present...felt instinctively right to feel sorry for myself. If I don't no one else is going to...that's for sure.

You're right, it's hard to sift through the crap sometimes, and sometimes even the term "crap" is a subjective one. Really, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know, and I guess that's ok.

That's about the most honest response you can hope for in life I think maddog.

We don't know anything...that's all we can know really.
 
Agreed Philippa, confronting to read, but very compelling. I am currently attending a day patient trauma programme and the entire month of May is being dedicated to fostering self-compassion. It's going to be a long, tough, but important ride...

Maddog
 
Awesome maddog.

I had a new experience of what I think was true self-compassion the other night, when my friend sent me this link.

Feeling her love and empathy made the floodgates open for me, and I was able to cry tears, which had not flowed in a very long time, but were always close tot he surface...just wouldn't come out. It worried me for a long time, so after I was able to cry for a while, I felt this sense of self-compassion that felt real to me, and I was so grateful for that even though it sort of felt a bit alien to me at first.

Feeling her sense of acceptance of me and lack of judgement, even though I had been displaying a judgemental attitude towards some people prior to her message, really helped I think to bypass my own self critic, if only for a moment.

All the best with your new challenge maddog. I think the fact that you are showing up for this day programme broadcasts that you are willing and ready to learn to give this to yourself...so you will get there in time, I'm sure.
 
Great stuff Philippa :)

My therapist helped me with the inner critic stuff last week. Still going to take time though.

What Mr Walker says about the inner critic using memories in addition to words and self-talk could be relevant to your creativity problems.
 
Thanks for posting this - it was like reading about myself. I was reminded of the work done in the past to curb the inner critic and realize that is what I need to work on now.

It absolutly terrifies me.

It seems I am re-set mode and I am hearing all the things he discussed in the article in my head again, stronger then ever. But I also remember that at one time I had fought this battle before.

I also appreciated the self pity column, thank you for sharing that. Feeling bad about feeling sorry for myself is definetly one of the things I face.

Do we ever get past this?
 
Dear Philippa, I have yet to read (that) article, but still I can't thank you enough.

I am amazed at how step-wise a process this has been. I recall looking up that website before (after hearing it recommended here), but I just couldn't get through any of it (months/ years ago) and it wasn't resonating, because I blocked out my entire childhood, and minimized it, not sure what to say except I couldn't begin to go back there. I guess there is wisdom and truth in saying you have to be ready, and you have to feel safe enough.

Or to be able to see yourself with empathy or 'compassion' (hard to even use the word)- I only had that happen once 20 years ago trying to work on this through that book, 'Women Who harm themself' (I think it was called, first time I cried, I remember, or could feel the empathy towards myself I would give anyone at that age), and it was the biggest turning point up til now.
In my case, he seems to really have hit the nail on the head.

Even up to a short time ago it just wouldn't have even occurred to me that these feelings and reactions or 'abandonment depression" could go as far back as childhood, or that there was such things- not applicable to me, yet in reality I've been the 'poster child' for it, frankly. That's hard even to say.

I was even absolutely knocked over to learn about the EFB's, I wasn't convinced about them until I was able to more effectively manage other things and by elimination was still left with the feelings and reactions I had. And boy, again, has his explanation and techniques ever been useful! I tried to use them at Easter and now (Spring is bad), and it's been amazing the difference.

I also understand, I had a person months ago say "You thought I abandoned you!" After I responded in judgment they responded with kindness and acceptance, I recall only saying "Well if you did it was deserved, you should have!" At the time I thought 'abandoned'- what a 'silly' word but what a good one, really, though one I'd never think of, and would feel ashamed 'it' feels that way- an adult and not something important. All the cognitive reasons it's wrong, the internal critic, the spiral he describes, the self rejection. And quite frankly, in my mind it does always feel 'deserved'. I abandoned myself long ago, that much I can realize.

I think what was really bad, in my case, was some abuse that started about 6 years ago, combined with a real realistic lack of safety, gave plenty more ammunition to my own internal critic. 'Validated the critic", really.

I understand I think what MD meant though, to read what he says is like "The good news is, we know what you have, the bad news is it's leprosy", lol.

However, as 'hopeless' as by definition I seem to be, going by Pete Walker's words, at least if I know what's coming into play I can try to learn and deal with it. And actually, he never said anyone was 'hopeless', just some cases more severe. Which I think is to be expected after decades of struggling without knowing what it was, or acknowledging it, and have nothing to deal with the fall-out. Also explains the relentless SI I had for 3 years, what an experience that was. So frustrating to not understand. But if you can 'name it' somewhere you can deal with it.

He also said he 'thanked' people for sharing and being authentic and vulnerable, which I think is kind of nice (and opposite to my Internal Critic), because I know of no other way to feel or 'be', at this point or the past years.

I am sorry this is so long- I am still so awestruck. I can't thank you enough Philippa.
:) (((((Biggest Hugs)))))

And ((((Hugs)))) to all as well.
 
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