Shame. It’s sticky stuff. I’ve been working on my own feelings of shame for years and realised today that I’m still in it. Not even feeling shame about abuse or trauma - it’s not a feeling attached to a particular event. It’s all consuming, free floating, every area of my life shame.
Logically I know I’ve nothing to feel shameful about - I’ve worked hard on myself, on my recovery, I have a lovely marriage, children, a nice home, I’m successful in my chosen profession, I have good nurturing friendships and my family is a close as I want them to be. But oh my goodness, the shame.
On any given day I can feel shameful about how I look, my body shape, what I wear, the feelings I have, my reaction to people or places - I mean feeling absolute burning shame for no logical reason.
At the moment specifically I’m feeling shame about feeling anxious about a very triggering medical test I need. I feel shameful about needing the test, my anticipated anxiety and reaction to the test being done (it’s part of a national screening programme so something everyone does at a certain point in life - nothing “personal” in it for me to feel shame about). I feel shameful about the particular trigger it touches, which is abuse related and by definition not something that was my choice.
I’m currently working through ending with my T, I feel shameful that she’s had to retire to get rid of me (which isn’t at all what’s happening, but...), and I feel shame that I’m finding it hard going.
I’ve got some choices to make about my career - in a very good way in that I have a number of positive choices I could make. I feel shame that I’ve got choices and other people don’t, despite working my arse off to get to this point. The list goes on.
So, I’m not sure what this thread is for other than I know I’m not alone in my shame. So bring it on - what are you feeling shameful for, let’s name and shame our shame.
The only thing I’d ask is not to bring trite self help bullshit of the Brene Brown variety, please. I know some folk find it helpful but I just think if it was as easy as she makes out, no one would struggle with shame. I don’t think I can stand being shamed for feeling shame by a faux-shameful self help guru.
Logically I know I’ve nothing to feel shameful about - I’ve worked hard on myself, on my recovery, I have a lovely marriage, children, a nice home, I’m successful in my chosen profession, I have good nurturing friendships and my family is a close as I want them to be. But oh my goodness, the shame.
On any given day I can feel shameful about how I look, my body shape, what I wear, the feelings I have, my reaction to people or places - I mean feeling absolute burning shame for no logical reason.
At the moment specifically I’m feeling shame about feeling anxious about a very triggering medical test I need. I feel shameful about needing the test, my anticipated anxiety and reaction to the test being done (it’s part of a national screening programme so something everyone does at a certain point in life - nothing “personal” in it for me to feel shame about). I feel shameful about the particular trigger it touches, which is abuse related and by definition not something that was my choice.
I’m currently working through ending with my T, I feel shameful that she’s had to retire to get rid of me (which isn’t at all what’s happening, but...), and I feel shame that I’m finding it hard going.
I’ve got some choices to make about my career - in a very good way in that I have a number of positive choices I could make. I feel shame that I’ve got choices and other people don’t, despite working my arse off to get to this point. The list goes on.
So, I’m not sure what this thread is for other than I know I’m not alone in my shame. So bring it on - what are you feeling shameful for, let’s name and shame our shame.
The only thing I’d ask is not to bring trite self help bullshit of the Brene Brown variety, please. I know some folk find it helpful but I just think if it was as easy as she makes out, no one would struggle with shame. I don’t think I can stand being shamed for feeling shame by a faux-shameful self help guru.