Other Let's talk about dehumanization.

I made up mind today to stop talking. If someone else initiates it, fine, but I won't be setting myself up to be reminded of I am not worth being treated as a human. And I sure won't be revealing a thing. It's like talking to walls or spitting in to a wind in my face.
 

frogthroat

MyPTSD Pro
I called their bluff and said shoot me. Frank laughed and kicked me over to her. He always wanted us to suffer. There was never going to be a different outcome. ☹️
I know I don't have to tell you that's how sadists work. I knew he was a sadist but knowing that didn't change how much damage it did. I would try to egg mine on to kill me. I'll never know if it made the torture worse or not.
I made up mind today to stop talking. If someone else initiates it, fine, but I won't be setting myself up to be reminded of I am not worth being treated as a human. And I sure won't be revealing a thing. It's like talking to walls or spitting in to a wind in my face.
I can tell you as a person who's isolated themselves as much as possible for over 20 years that doesn't work. I realized that after I read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. That was way before I could ever even attempt to try therapy. I just agreed to group therapy for the first time last week.
It takes a long time to realize that even after suffering escalated levels of abuse the dehumanized view of others and yourself is part of the extreme pessimism that comes with the post traumatic stress. I thought if I cut everyone out and became overly independent I would feel better. It doesn't work. Eventually, you break. Humans are social creatures. You can't thrive without a little intimacy. You can only go so far by yourself.
 
I think everyone is different @frogthroat . I've been dealing with this since 14- well childhood actually, and I am in my 50's. I've tried both and am only left with regret and feeling worse.The only thing universal is what is greater than even seeking pleasure, is avoiding pain. But whatever works better is what to choose for you. I broke long ago. JMHO.
 
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Freida

MyPTSD Pro
Or it's yanked out from you chaotically and you're beaten down at the moment of vulnerability instead.
exactly
I objectified others in my own mind as well because it was the only way I could cope with the things I was being made to do.
That helps -- though I wish neither of us knew that was even a thing.
open and honest about who I am or what I've been through bc no matter how kind the response is, they start treating me like I'm different. Like I'm made out of glass and they have to be careful with their words, usually. If I'm open with them, they decide not to be open with me anymore because they're afraid to break me. It only makes me feel more alienated
Yep My t and I bicker (in a friendly way) about this because i KNOW that if I tell people the truth they won't be able to handle it and I"ll end up taking care of them. She says people are stronger than I give them credit for -but I can't risk it
For reasons listed above and because I am still terrified of them. Sorry.
Mine is called monster. I refuse to give him a name - because he isn't human. Just monster. He doesn't deserve his name used in my life.
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
One of the categories of criterion A is hearing about or witnessing aversive traumatic details, which leads me to believe that sometimes just sharing trauma with others can evoke a trauma response in them
Yep. One of the first things you learn working at 911 is to NEVER share the real stories of the calls you take. We gather up a few funny ones, a couple "close to scary" ones, etc and use those when people ask. Because you learn pretty quickly that normies who say "whats the worst call you have ever taken" really don't want to know. I've heard some horrific shit over the years, sitting helplessly at my console, unable to do anything to help other than try to get info and talk them down and believe me, JoeBlowCitizen doesn't want to know about those.

It's only been in the last few years that the powers that be have accepted that there is rampent ptsd in the dispatch world. Until then it was always "you weren't on scene so it didn't count." But I am on the phone, listening to what they say, taking that info into my head to make a picture, then relaying that picture to the responders. So ya, really? I was there - and I saw it
Actually dehumanisation often works in berating people for just wanting to stay alive. The message you get is very clearly that you shouldn't have existed even in the first place.
This is also why I couldn't report - the whole idea that the military would blame me for doing the things I did to stay alive. Better than I just didn't exist than that I try to spin some story about one of their airman and make the AF look bad.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
Yep. One of the first things you learn working at 911 is to NEVER share the real stories of the calls you take.
To this day, for as open as I've been, I walk the tightrope between expression and details. I do my best to ensure that I'm as surface as necessary. As though by virtue of having experienced these atrocities we are tasked with safeguarding their remnants. Beh.

Because you learn pretty quickly that normies who say "whats the worst call you have ever taken" really don't want to know
Ah, the unanswerable questions. B hit me with one of them on our first appointment. "It's not like you..... [....] right?" Welp, we tripped and fell into the bulk of our therapy.
 

frogthroat

MyPTSD Pro
I think everyone is different @frogthroat . I've been dealing with this since 14- well childhood actually, and I am in my 50's.
I'm 34 and I realize that help for mental health has only really started to make strides in the last 10 years. I sort of stumbled into the trauma therapist I have now and so I've agreed to just recently try different forms of help.
I can't tell you if I'm going to be able to change my mindset either. That's the terrifying part of seeking help in the first place. Who knows? I might be broken too and I'm just in denial. I know I can't live out my natural life just seeking different forms of pleasure or avoiding pain. I've already tried that. That's half of the problem. People were a big part of the problem but now they have to be part of the solution. I'm trying to be open-minded. I'm sorry it didn't work for you. My outlook is mixed right now.
 

coraxxx

Sponsor
Ah, the unanswerable questions. B hit me with one of them on our first appointment. "It's not like you..... [....] right?" Welp, we tripped and fell into the bulk of our therapy.
Ah, there are days I really wish I could go on about the buckets of blood. Bearing the secrets that aren’t even secrets seems so absurd and heavy.

And there is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Not criterion A? Nah, no trauma. Wait m’am, actually, I got a shortlist! ... "how do you do just to get out of bed".

In the non therapy side, it is "Oh you got a bit of a tricky past and relationship" (asks for more details. insists) "Please stop!!!! don’t tell me this shit you’re hurting me".

Yeah well, no, I guess it’s better to keep smoking in a bath tub and try to quiet down by myself. It’s hard to explain why we isolate ourselves.
 
That sounds like a great plan @frogthroat , I wish you great success and healing.

For the record I don't think I've dehumanized anyone, or demonized them either. But whether intentional or unintentional, a matter of sickness or self preoccupation or lack of care or something else, it impacts me the same. One can only speak so much or ignore or absorb so much before it's simply aversive. They become aversive. After all I am a human lol.
 
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