Letting Go

[Survivor3]

A dog!? @Survivor3 did you have fun?

What kind of dog?! Name?

Yeah she's a greyhound I think. Black and she's called Bessie. It was very pleasant ☺.

 

[Defaultxlove]

Yeah she's a greyhound I think. Black and she's called Bessie. It was very pleasant ☺.

Thanks! Sounds sweet.

 

[Survivor3]

Thanks! Sounds sweet.

They have another dog aswell, a sausage dog, is it called a daschand?? I don't know, but it has an anxiety disorder and constantly yaps and bites sometimes. It's my sister in laws and its a nightmare, poor thing.

 

[Defaultxlove]

@Surivior3 yeah I don't like to live with smaller dogs

Im off to church

 

[Survivor3]

@Surivior3 yeah I don't like to live with smaller dogs

Im off to church

Yes I'm the same, not keen on small dogs.

Hope you have a good session at church.

 

[Defaultxlove]

I need to come way down. I'm activated .. Ick.

I'm an interesting mix of emotion and full of pondering.

Feeling pain :/

 

[Defaultxlove]

I thought I'd feel better when back in my own environment and I don't.

I feel myself opening up more to these emotions I have about things discussed, my reactions in church and I feel it feeding into more unhappiness because I don't want to feel this way. Sickening.

I know I can do this. Just kind of spinning. I had a small bit of coffee there that might have done it but truly I think it's way more that I cried most of church. Like a steady right left right left IV drip from my eyes. Couldn't turn it off.

I'm hungry and frustrated and feel like ill explode.

Breathing is helping a lot.

 

[Survivor3]

Sending hugs

 

[Defaultxlove]

I've lost track of my feelings. My speech has been messed up

I need to slow down a lot.

 

[Survivor3]

Maybe some calming herbal tea ??

What's on your mind?

 

[Defaultxlove]

Maybe some calming herbal tea ??

What's on your mind?

Okay yes calming tea. Thanks.

I'm blocked up. Hard to communicate :/

 

[Defaultxlove]

So many things trigger me. This was why I wanted to kill myself.

I felt and remember feeling completely hopeless for a quality future.

From celebrating new life/new beginnings, God, love and everything good, to wanting to die was a whole shock itself.

The message was amazing. The church is lovely. People, supportive.

This is just my life today. All the different truths together shut me down. All the different switches/triggers set off. Now I deal with the aftermath.

I was physically shaking for a while from emotional pain?

Im pissed off, shut down, consciously able to fight slipping completely off. Tired of the struggle. I know it strengthens each time. I have since stopped crying but the emotions are building up.

I want to cancel T tomorrow.

Theres some external stress/ pressure from distant family. Ive learned people's desires of me are always worth considering but saying no is healthy.

I'm full of anger. :( must feel, must relax as much as possible. The pain is what I'm resisting and it's getting worse. Maybe I'll cry again. Get stuff out.

Editing when reading that back I'm not even sure it's said right.