Life begins at 51


Struggling a quite bit. There is a lot of self hatred come up. Want to write about things, but have the feeling it's not safe to show how awful I am. It's like I want to protect myself from letting anyone else see how awful I am. Have not taken up opportunities to be social either. I know they **could** make me feel better, but they could also make me feel worse so we'll see.

Still getting in self care where I can.

Remembering this won't last forever and all that.


We did quick sketches in pencil and charcoal. I find quick sketching very difficult indeed, enjoyed trying though.

will post a pic in a bit, on my iPad at mo.

I want to talk about things but it’s all tangled up. Gonna have to word salad again.

Lost my belief in being able to create a new life for myself. I don’t know how to read people, I don’t know what to do about it. All my efforts in the past to talk with people in this situation have made things worse. It’s why I’ve ended up so very passive in one sided friendships, not really friendships… the fact I’m having the very same issue with autistic people too is a blow.

I wish I could talk to people and get advice, but

dunno what to say.


Thanks @Lumos Nothing amazing but here they are



Got properly overloaded and my brain stopped working ~ Autistic Meltdown, or more accurately shut down. Got into bed and watched some painting videos. Really effective at soothing me. Subscribed to her channel for future use!