Life changes and hitting an anxiety wall

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I have to be honest, even most of the pandemic starting year(strange as it was) was not quite so hard for me. Most I managed okay, and the hardships I had were due to chronic pain unrelated to all that was going on. I've been stable so-so for a bit now, and was quite proud.
However... things seem to have turned a corner for worse. First, I went to trip to my parents meant to be a month and it's now soon going to be 2 month long- and by the time I can go back, maybe almost 3.
However, I need to have moved out of my apartment by 1st of March, and to return I need to wait on visa. So I may have weeks, or days to look for apartment. A friend will have to move out most of my stuff and store them and I may need to be in a hotel for few days while looking at a new place. Workwise I've been having stable online work, but I am not certain it will be enough for the move and all expenses around hotel/hostel, PCR tests and so on. I will try to get more work. I'm sorting apartments in 3 cash categories to easily adapt to whatever money I get, from renting room with someone, through small studio etc. I am doing everything that I can do, being away from there, to be ready.

Also might need to get local work this time around, not just online. Also, haven't been back in 2 months, so anxious about that. Also, moving to new place, when both last moves I've done had been rather traumatic (not PTSD traumatic, but still took my health off balance for quite a bit). But this move is happening one way or another. It feels like I'm in constant anxiety, like breathing through fire.

I was doing better for a bit, but now it's starting to happen daily again(as in, if I 'sleep on it' the improvement the next day is rather short lived. It feels like I have a ticking clock in me and every day closer to having to deal with all this feels worse. I was dying to go back home, but now realizing that going back will mean immediately running around to find a new place, it's giving me huge bouts of anxiety. Also for different reasons, my usual anxiety vents haven't been working so well and I'm trying to establish new ones, but haven't still. So it all feels too much. And then I get really mean to myself (imploring any reasoning that somehow I could have made this situation better). Which adds on anxiety. I'm in a vicious circle, and not sure how to untangle it...
 
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