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Life in the Country

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Damiea, Jul 30, 2007.

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  1. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    hello all... guess after posting one time it doesn't seem so hard to introduce myself now LOL not really sure what to post seeing as I'm here mostly for information and usually I'm not much of a talker.
    a bit about myself... life as a girl growing up in the sticks of Vermont can be hard! for years I thought I had delt with everything I saw or had happen to me fine! I was tough and at least I learned I could rely on myself and knew I could handle anything!
    then I got pregnant at 19... that changed everything. at the time I had taken off out of state with a group of friends I considered family. I had to make the decision my child was more important to me than anyone else and it was up to me to keep her safe and provide a home for her. So I came back to Vermont and settled down and made a home and a life for us. But I guess I had just shut myself off from the world and isolated myself from everything in the process... not really dealing with anything.
    So now my daughter is older and I find things that come up trigger me to have to deal with my past. and adding to that actually wanting a relationship again with someone after all these years!
    well thats a good sum up for now lol hope its ok!
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  3. zoe

    zoe Well-Known Member

    Hi! Welcome. I too had a child at a young age (15). I also through myself into being a mom and tried my best for 20+ years to focus on my children. I did that quite successfully until my youngest hit the mid teen years - suddenly the past started creeping in. I hope you find the help and info. you are searching for.

  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Hi Damiea.

    Welcome to the forum. Glad to hear you are getting a bit more comfortable around here!

  5. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Hi Damiea,

    Welcome to the forum.......Hope that you feel comfy here.

  6. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    thank you all for the welcome!
    a bit more about myself.. when I was 5 I saw my little sister who was 2 die by a freak accedent... I don't think it affected me untill I grew up enough to understand and then deal with normal girl issues. Then came the wondering why her.. it should have been me.. I should have done something.. anything to prevent it.
    then my parents addopted a little girl right after she was born.. and as she grew up she had an awfull temper. She would have fits.. almost blackouts when she got mad. She would beat my mother up over something stupid like being grounded for staying out all night.
    At around 16 I started taking off with friends for weeks at a time... I got along great with guys as I had a "who cares what people think" attitude. I didn't sleep around or drink or do drugs much.. just did what I felt when I felt and no one was going to push me into doing otherwise. There where lots of times I had to actually fight with drunk guys when they wanted sex and I didn't. But I learned fast how to survive in a tough world.
    Then one night I had to much to drink and I was pissed off at some friend over something stupid.. and I ended up sleeping with some guy I ran into on the way home. I didn't know him at all before.. didn't know anything about him except his name.. not that I would have remembered much anyway. a month later I relised I was pregnant. At that time I was in over my head with a group of friends doing all sorts of illegal stuff.. and I went into denial. I did all sorts of drugs thinking I could do enough damage to my body to miscarrage or something! At about 4 months along.. I started feeling the baby move. And then it all changed and I up and called my parents for a bus ride home from Inndiana. I was bound and determened to provide a safe loving home for this small innocent child that was a part of me! I didn't care who the father was.. it didn't matter to me.. this was MY child and I didn't have to share her with anyone! Partly in the belief I couldn't count on anyone else becouse so many had let me down over the years and only I could make sure she was safe.
    Its been 10 years and I am damn proud of the job I have done all by myself.. did it matter that I gave up nights out with friends.. or the chance of a relationship that starts from scratch with no children already involved. Not to me.. not when I hear the words.. I love you mommy!
  7. wildfirewildone

    wildfirewildone Well-Known Member

    :hello:Welcome to our community....Hopefully your journey will be a little easier from here on out :thumbs-up .....KEEPING THE PEACE
  8. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    Now as to why I am here... its a tangled mess and it really needs to be delt with in a calm manner rather then screaming and yelling threats. With children involved I do believe some sort of understanding needs to be found all around so that they don't get dragged around or see things they are to young to see and hear.
  9. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    Is it possible to help someone who doesn't want your help? Someone who just wants to make everything bad go away and things go back to how they use to be.. even though it was a bad situation before? Someone who has PTSD but has little or no suport and really needs it becouse she is a good person who deserves a chance at a happy life for a change.
  10. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+


    So are you saying that "This person" just wants the PTSD to go away??? That this person would rather just not deal with the things that are bothering her, and to resume life????? Are you saying that this person really isn't going to be committed to healing herself and will fight all advice given??? Are you saying that this person is a good person and that what has happened to her isn't fair, and she just wants to be happy without the crap in her head????

    Well the answers are simple....

    PTSD won't just "GO AWAY"
    You have to deal with everything.
    100% committed to getting healthy.
    If you won't accept the advice, then you are in denial and not willing to get well.
    We all want to be happy, but we know that to be happy with have to deal with tons of crap, and sort through tons of hurt to get there.

    No one said that life is fair. We have all had our share of bad things, happen in our lives. We are all facing our demons and trying to come out on the other end with a life of happiness.

    Yes there is LIFE after PTSD, but you have to work your butt off to get there.....

  11. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    This person has tired... she is on meds.. went to a rehab.. took her kids and moved out for awile. Then gives up becouse its to hard. She has tried to change her situation before becouse she is unhappy with the way things where.

    Her situation being.. living out in the woods secluded from the world with kids and a house to take care of without help. And a husband that has done things in the past that would make anyone step back and think about leaving him. She has tried and has moved out but couldn't stick with it. Now it's his choice she move out and work on her own life.. becouse he is not at all a good supporter for her.. he is very passive for one thing.. and she blames him for lots of her PTSD. and it just is an awfull situation for the kids to be in to be moved around all the time...

    Now she has an appartment.. her mother is living with her and the kids. And she is overwelmed by bills and day to day stuff. She also can't seem to get around the fact that her husband is the one to push it this time.. it isn't her choice this time. He has a new girlfriend.. and wants to take the kids on the weekends and just get everyone settled so as to start building a more happy life for everyone. She has gone and got state help.. child support.. dissability.... all the things she needs to do to manage! But she can't get around the idea that this will be good for her if she tries.. she just wants the old life back.. even though she didn't want it before and was so very unhappy.

    Last night she put herself in the hospital for overdose... checked herself out and drove around to everyones houses ranting and raving and threatening everyone.. saying to watch out and that she was going to burn there old house down.. and that her husband would never see the kids again. They have no money.. yet she has been getting help from the state and child support and her mother. She absolutly hates his new girlfriend.. and seeing how this situation brings up such emotions I dont think anyone would blame her for having a hard time. But the extreems she is going to are going to cause her to do something dangerous. Instead of talking to anyone about stuff.. she yells and has fits then shuts down for days. She has her mind set that everyone wants to take the kids from her, wich is not the case .. that she want's her husband back at any cost.. and just wants to go "home". I don't believe she even see's this other girl as a person.. or this other girls children.. they are just one big bad thing that has happened to her and she wants them gone. She want's her husband back and for everything to just go back to the way they where.
  12. Chantico

    Chantico Member

    Damiea, word for word this sounds like my ex did in 2nd term. He refused to accept he had a problem and it got worse the more he tried to pretend it didn't exist.
    If my experiance is anything to go by, they're terrified - they think they're going mad and don't know what to do about it so are burying their head in the sand. Sound about right?
    Sometimes, cajoling and comfort aren't enough. If they wont come to the conclusion on their own, you might need to calmly but firmly point out the evidence, point out that denial will only make it worse, and the longer they continue to deny it, the more it will hurt them and the people they love.
    You'll know the right timing, I hope. When I made my ex accept, it was the day after he had come to me when I was typing on my bed, he curled himself around me and told me he was scared that he was going mad and had woken up unable to move that day. So it was recent enough for him to be unable to deny it when someone added their own voice to the evidence, and I hadn't waited for him to be in 'the best' mood available to him at the time.

    Good luck. It may make them worse for a little while, but once they accept thye have a problem, they can start doing something about it. Just don't let them get away with convincing themselves they are alone.
    I think, I would presume that facing it alone when you're a sufferer must be one of the hardest things to face.
    *hugs you*
    I hope things work out well for you. I'm sure you'll keep us posted.
  13. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Damiea, I have a question.

    You have not made it clear if you are a sufferer or a carer. Frankly I can not tell what capacity you are here as from your posts as you jump from first person to third person without explaining who or what you are talking about.

    Could you please clarify this? Thanks

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