Like a thief in the night...

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It comes out of no where and it is like I am drowning. Depression that deep dark hole that sucks you in pulling you down and down further with each breath and I don't know what started it, I thought I was doing okay. The stores have put the holiday decorations out, the Christmas music is everywhere and I was doing okay. I went out today and got a mani and pedi, went out to lunch, grocery shopping and then I came home. Some where between the time I walked back into my house and the time I finished putting the groceries away it was like the light had been sucked out of the world. I have been dealing with waves of turmoil and tears that well up but don't fall. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to crawl away into a corner curl up in a ball and never come out. My cat has been all over me, not because I am depressed but because she is still mad at me for being gone for three weeks.

I don't know how to get through the rest of today, I haven't cut in nearly a year but I have been fighting the urge all day. My ideation has been bombarding me with thoughts and plans, ideas and options and the temptation to give in is so strong right now. I know this is just the depression, the ptsd talking, I know I can get though this but right now I don't want to. I am so tired of feeling so broken and lost.


I am so sorry @FauxLiz . I don’t have any great advice to give. But I just want to say that I hear you and I know how you feel. Have been there many times. Was there just last evening.
Thanks for writing here and sharing a little bit. Hope you can find something relaxing to distract yourself for the rest of the weekend.
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