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Little Black Thingies

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I'm seeing them. Everywhere I look, they run across my way. I would give them a name, but then would that make them real? Across the couch, one runs under the cushion. Across the floor, one runs behind the table. Don't look now! There goes another! In the blink of an eye; at the turn of my head; what are they here for? Do they want me dead?

I try to ignore them, these little black thingies. I don't understand them, nor do I think I want to. I told the right people. They agreed that I'm crazy. They put me on drugs, and I take them like a good little girl. Apparently my little black thingies aren't afraid of the pills, though. They still stick around.

Oh, eyes, why do you mess with my head? I would rather you not pass any information to my brain than to let me know that you see them running all around me; taunting me. Brain, leave me be. Let me live and die in peace. I want to be away.
 
This has very strongly reminded me of the little black soots or Susuwatari from Japanese culture. A little black fuzzy ball that always escapes the vision before you can see it properly. Traditionally this was explained by the period of adjustment from coming in out of bright, sunny weather or as being a good ghost that lives in an empty house but they do make it dusty. I'm pretty sure however that you don't mean either of these things.

It's easy to catch something in the edge of ones peripheral vision and be surprised when it's neither what you expected or even there any more. Coupled with PTSD hyper-vigilance that anxiety could really chase you and become very prominent. However it could also be some kind of hallucination, obviously I don't know your personal details, so I can only voice around the idea. My only suggestion would be to maybe think in a positive way about them, maybe if you don't think in such a negative way about them they won't seem so scary? I don't really know, but if you've taken one or even several medications and they haven't worked, that doesn't mean that another won't.

I've just realised this was posted in Trauma Diaries, so well done for starting yours (I still haven't got round to starting mine) and good luck.
 
opthomologist: you have floaters. they can occur when taken any injury to the head, even as a child, and not reabsorb into the eye. Even a pillow fight as a kid can do it, but if you've ever been knocked out before, then a more likely chance. floaters and flashes in the eye are common and are extremely sensitive to light to dark/dark to light transitions. good luck!!!! (i've been swatting at flies that ain't there for years before i found out what it was lol)
 
opthomologist: you have floaters. they can occur when taken any injury to the head, even as a child, and not reabsorb into the eye. Even a pillow fight as a kid can do it, but if you've ever been knocked out before, then a more likely chance. floaters and flashes in the eye are common and are extremely sensitive to light to dark/dark to light transitions. good luck!!!! (i've been swatting at flies that ain't there for years before i found out what it was lol)
When I'm feeling silly, I try to trip them. Haha! I don't want to say that I try to personalize them per say, but I have to do little things like that to keep myself from going crazy. These "visions" can be anywhere from insect sized up to about a foot tall. If they're floaters, then they must have friends called sprinters. Lol!

I wouldn't count out the head trauma. I had never considered it, though. I have been in 2 bad car accidents. I hit my head in both of those. I wasn't exactly touched with kind hands as a child, so a head trauma from then would not surprise me. Maybe I should mention it to my doctor. Is there anything they can do about it?
 
I've just realised this was posted in Trauma Diaries, so well done for starting yours (I still haven't got round to starting mine) and good luck.
Thanks! I don't know how much I'll be making entries. I guess we'll see. It was kind of freeing, though, to make the first entry. Go on! Try it! You know you want to! Come on! Everybody's doing it! Haha!
 
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