Little Will to Live - Not Suicidal, Just Lack Will

[No-Twitch-Tabitha]

This has plagued me since I was 11 years old.

I have very little conscious will to live. It seems a struggle to get myself up and out every single day and I don't really care what happens to me. I'm not suicidal because I don't have the energy nor the impetus to kill myself.

It feels like I'm just waiting to die.

***Update***
At the time I had little enough energy to write the above. I forgot to pose my question:

What could this be? Could it be the PTSD, the Dysthymia, the Insomnia...what? I'm not quite sure which is which anymore.

 

[Farmer]

I can totaly relate, not that I was suicidle but having no hope for the future. If there is no hope why bother doing things, just waiting for that world that does'nt want you in to change or fade away.
Having both PTSD and Dysthymia I could not tell witch was causing it, probably a combo of both. As i understand it the Dysthymia is brought on by the PTSD but I'm not an Expert in any means.
The reason we are still here tells me this community has a strong will to live even if we do'nt realize it at the time. It takes alot of will to fight that your whole life.

 

[piglet]

What could this be? Could it be the PTSD, the Dysthymia, the Insomnia...what?

Could be all of the above I guess. I get the "going through the motions" feeling a lot of the time, which kind of takes the point out of life. I keep that little piece of hope going by knowing that I am trying to change how I feel. Just think how good it will feel when we break through the other side of all this crap!

 

[carpediem2006]

Hi there

It could be depression, but you would also need to think whether this is a change, or whether you are now just able to write about (which would suggest a small improvement).
The problem with depresion, PTS and other illnesses is the overlap between them.
It may be that the medication you are on is making you more sedated than you should be as a side effect, for example (typical for tricyclics- the ones that most often end in -ene or -mine (with the generic names, not the brand names)- check Wikipedia if you want to know more on that.
Before making changes of any kind though, talk to your doctor, you may find a small tapering off of this could help, if you are taking them.

 

[Nam]

That sounds look good ole depression to me. You've described depression perfectly for me. I was exhausted and had no gumption to do anything. Even eat, shower, get out of bed...etc. I actually suffered with it for a long time simply because I wasn't suicidal. I couldn't have it if I wasn't suicidal....but I was wrong. The more I think about it, the part of PTSD that makes me suicidal is the anxiety part. The part where I think I'm going to die so better get it over with type of thing.

But first, go to your doctor. Make sure you are not anemic, or have some physical reason you are feeling this way. I've known people who thought they had depression and come to find out they have a thyroid problem....

 

[kimG]

I've known people who thought they had depression and come to find out they have a thyroid problem....

Studies have been done on this very thing! A huge number of people who displayed symptoms of depression were actually found out to have thyroid problems and when put on thyroid medication, their symptoms improved dramatically! BUT...one has to have a good doctor who will listen to the symptoms and put two and two together, test for thyroid problems, and work with the patient. Just because the TSH level (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone - a hormone from the pituitary that "tells" the thyroid to make more of its hormone) is within the "normal" range accepted by the labs and doctors doesn't necessarily mean it's normal for each individual. Most people who are diagnosed as hypothyroid actually do better (physically and mentally) when their levels are at the low end of the TSH normal range; it takes a doctor to listen and adjust the meds according to the patient. Too often the docs just look at the numbers and tell the patient that the symptoms can't possibly be due to their thyroid since their levels are "normal."

And yeah, I am speaking from experience. Fortunately my GP is wonderful at listening to me, letting me guide my physical healing. He doesn't push meds and spends so much time listening to his patients that he is usually 45 minutes to an hour behind schedule! BUT...I gladly wait, knowing that he will give me such wonderful service and attention!

There's also a lot of talk about making the TSH test a part of routine blood testing since there's a huge number of people (mostly women) walking around not knowing they have problems with their thyroid. Of course, the insurance companies don't want to pay for the $25 test...but that's another story!

 

[Deleted member 3]

Nam, KimG,

That's interesting the link between thyroid problems and depression, I hadn't heard of that before. I have just recently had my thyroid tested because I'm struggling to put weight on even though I am pregnant. Turns out that I too was in the 'normal' range but at the lower end of the scale. Isn't it funny how simple treatment could be for some people if the right tests were conducted!

 

[No-Twitch-Tabitha]

I've felt this for as long for as long as I can remember.

My attitude is basically, "I'm going to die anyway; the when doesn't matter. It's the simple fact." I just want the pain to stop.

 

[kimG]

I have just recently had my thyroid tested because I'm struggling to put weight on even though I am pregnant. Turns out that I too was in the 'normal' range but at the lower end of the scale. Isn't it funny how simple treatment could be for some people if the right tests were conducted!

Kerrie-Ann,

Although I'd like to say I'm envious of you for not being able to put weight on - I have no trouble doing that! - it is important that you get this straightened out. Sounds like you are headed towards hyperthyroid, where the gland puts out too much of the hormone. It can be worse than not having enough of the hormone. Although both have their downfalls, hyperthyroidism can bring on problems such as osteoporosis and heart attacks. If you don't feel good and just generally feel yucky, it could be that. Make sure you let your doctor know.

 

[Nam]

My attitude is basically, "I'm going to die anyway; the when doesn't matter. It's the simple fact." I just want the pain to stop.

Hang in there. The pain will ease up. And eventually it'll be just a shadow of what it was. You've got things to do Tabitha. Do 'em! Get well.