Bubblegum
Learning
Havent been active on here as much lately, due to my recent fragility (getting very easily triggered by stuff)
Good news is I'm finally getting trauma focused therapy, and my new T is an actual gem.
Going private is expensive though, but I actually get something out of each session, and this doom and gloom feeling lingers a little less. Thank god my partner is more than willing to help me pay, when its hard to cover with my disability check.
Even found grounding techniques that work, and my partner have been very helpful, in terms of helping me applying it
Takes a little time for it to work, but I dont stay "in the hole" forever, which is nice. Some days i need to repeat more than once though, but its good.
My need to self harm is less, and I have ways to stimulate it now without actually harming myself, which is great. I'm also in a good mood today, even if I'm only running on 3 hours of sleep.
As for my suicidal ideations?? Still a work in progress, but maybe I can apply grounding techniques??
Found out why people partying outside is a trigger for me through therapy, its not due to the loudness (though it might apply) But it's connected to my best friends suicide, idk what to do with that information though, but its good to know that it has a connection to something, and that I'm not just some "bitter crazy person who dont like other people having fun" (Though, I got to admit, theres a couple of loose screws)
I'm finally getting treatment for my ptsd, there's a lot of trauma that other t's have just told me to "get over", so there's a lot of neglect, and a lot of work to do.
Also I dont have either Bipolar or BPD, which is a relief, I was apparently just displaying symptoms due to living in constant survival mode?? So no more getting mood supressants pushed on me, yay!
Public mental health is known to be trash here, though I went through 3 privatists to find one that didnt get overwhelmed by my baggage, the one I got now though, oh boy is it like a breath of fresh air. She takes my issues seriously without being overly intense (like empathetic to the point of it being weird)
We are unpacking, going as deep as we can go, and we are going to work on core beliefs?? I'm genuinely feeling hopeful for the first time in years, and I hope this will get me to a point where I can live a more meaningful life ^-^
In short: I'm feeling positive, things make more sense, pices of the puzzle are falling into place. And It feels good.
Good news is I'm finally getting trauma focused therapy, and my new T is an actual gem.
Going private is expensive though, but I actually get something out of each session, and this doom and gloom feeling lingers a little less. Thank god my partner is more than willing to help me pay, when its hard to cover with my disability check.
Even found grounding techniques that work, and my partner have been very helpful, in terms of helping me applying it
Takes a little time for it to work, but I dont stay "in the hole" forever, which is nice. Some days i need to repeat more than once though, but its good.
My need to self harm is less, and I have ways to stimulate it now without actually harming myself, which is great. I'm also in a good mood today, even if I'm only running on 3 hours of sleep.
As for my suicidal ideations?? Still a work in progress, but maybe I can apply grounding techniques??
Found out why people partying outside is a trigger for me through therapy, its not due to the loudness (though it might apply) But it's connected to my best friends suicide, idk what to do with that information though, but its good to know that it has a connection to something, and that I'm not just some "bitter crazy person who dont like other people having fun" (Though, I got to admit, theres a couple of loose screws)
I'm finally getting treatment for my ptsd, there's a lot of trauma that other t's have just told me to "get over", so there's a lot of neglect, and a lot of work to do.
Also I dont have either Bipolar or BPD, which is a relief, I was apparently just displaying symptoms due to living in constant survival mode?? So no more getting mood supressants pushed on me, yay!
Public mental health is known to be trash here, though I went through 3 privatists to find one that didnt get overwhelmed by my baggage, the one I got now though, oh boy is it like a breath of fresh air. She takes my issues seriously without being overly intense (like empathetic to the point of it being weird)
We are unpacking, going as deep as we can go, and we are going to work on core beliefs?? I'm genuinely feeling hopeful for the first time in years, and I hope this will get me to a point where I can live a more meaningful life ^-^
In short: I'm feeling positive, things make more sense, pices of the puzzle are falling into place. And It feels good.
Just hoping that sharing some victories might motivate someone on here 
