Long time no see! Feeling hopeful first time in years

Bubblegum

Learning
Havent been active on here as much lately, due to my recent fragility (getting very easily triggered by stuff)

Good news is I'm finally getting trauma focused therapy, and my new T is an actual gem.

Going private is expensive though, but I actually get something out of each session, and this doom and gloom feeling lingers a little less. Thank god my partner is more than willing to help me pay, when its hard to cover with my disability check.

Even found grounding techniques that work, and my partner have been very helpful, in terms of helping me applying it
Takes a little time for it to work, but I dont stay "in the hole" forever, which is nice. Some days i need to repeat more than once though, but its good.

My need to self harm is less, and I have ways to stimulate it now without actually harming myself, which is great. I'm also in a good mood today, even if I'm only running on 3 hours of sleep.

As for my suicidal ideations?? Still a work in progress, but maybe I can apply grounding techniques??

Found out why people partying outside is a trigger for me through therapy, its not due to the loudness (though it might apply) But it's connected to my best friends suicide, idk what to do with that information though, but its good to know that it has a connection to something, and that I'm not just some "bitter crazy person who dont like other people having fun" (Though, I got to admit, theres a couple of loose screws)

I'm finally getting treatment for my ptsd, there's a lot of trauma that other t's have just told me to "get over", so there's a lot of neglect, and a lot of work to do.

Also I dont have either Bipolar or BPD, which is a relief, I was apparently just displaying symptoms due to living in constant survival mode?? So no more getting mood supressants pushed on me, yay!

Public mental health is known to be trash here, though I went through 3 privatists to find one that didnt get overwhelmed by my baggage, the one I got now though, oh boy is it like a breath of fresh air. She takes my issues seriously without being overly intense (like empathetic to the point of it being weird)

We are unpacking, going as deep as we can go, and we are going to work on core beliefs?? I'm genuinely feeling hopeful for the first time in years, and I hope this will get me to a point where I can live a more meaningful life ^-^

In short: I'm feeling positive, things make more sense, pices of the puzzle are falling into place. And It feels good.
 

grief

Sponsor
In short: I'm feeling positive, things make more sense, pices of the puzzle are falling into place. And It feels good.
i do not believe we had ever met before. but welcome back and i am very pleased of hearing that you are in a good place now! that is so diffecult to get there but you have maneged it which is an incredeble feet.

Also I dont have either Bipolar or BPD, which is a relief, I was apparently just displaying symptoms due to living in constant survival mode?
this can absolutely happen. bpd gets diegnosed way, way too frequently, especially in women. i would go so far to say that at least 30% of the people diagnosed with bpd do not actually have it.

they just have ptsd+cognetive distortions. bipolar and bpd are different beasts altogether. i am glad that you do not have to deal with this on top of the ptsd!

I'm also in a good mood today, even if I'm only running on 3 hours of sleep.
that is real nice to hear! hopefully that you could come back to reference this post of when you are in a good place. for when you may get into a worse mood later on.

it will be really helpful of having this as a bit of a reference. "this will not last forever. i know that i am capeble of feeling and doing good!"
 
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