Hello!
I am new to this website. I know I am repeating what a lot of people have written, but I never knew something like this existed. I have had moderate social anxiety all my life and had recovered some from it, but until a year ago, I had not known I had cPTSD despite being a healthcare worker and having read some psychology and self-help. I didn’t even know that cPTSD existed until a psychotherapist I started seeing then proposed it as a possibility. I guess what started as a breakup/midlife crisis plus the pandemic and burnout on top of it have brought me into a long series of flashbacks I haven’t been able to come out of for a year and a half. It has also led to a high risk syndrome for psychosis, I get very hypervigilant at work. I am struggling with identity now and what I want or am able to do as a career, as I will be facing exams soon that would stress much more resilient people. At times (like tonight) I am afraid that this will be my life, just a nightmare of not knowing who I am, not being able to make a decision, not knowing what is good for me, although I know that these are just signs of the flashback. I was getting more and more isolated in my life, in part because of the pandemic, in part because of feeling too vulnerable to disclose my feelings and too emotional to pretend to be ’ok’. I hope I can find some connections here, to know that I am not alone and get a sense that the world is a place for people like us.
I am new to this website. I know I am repeating what a lot of people have written, but I never knew something like this existed. I have had moderate social anxiety all my life and had recovered some from it, but until a year ago, I had not known I had cPTSD despite being a healthcare worker and having read some psychology and self-help. I didn’t even know that cPTSD existed until a psychotherapist I started seeing then proposed it as a possibility. I guess what started as a breakup/midlife crisis plus the pandemic and burnout on top of it have brought me into a long series of flashbacks I haven’t been able to come out of for a year and a half. It has also led to a high risk syndrome for psychosis, I get very hypervigilant at work. I am struggling with identity now and what I want or am able to do as a career, as I will be facing exams soon that would stress much more resilient people. At times (like tonight) I am afraid that this will be my life, just a nightmare of not knowing who I am, not being able to make a decision, not knowing what is good for me, although I know that these are just signs of the flashback. I was getting more and more isolated in my life, in part because of the pandemic, in part because of feeling too vulnerable to disclose my feelings and too emotional to pretend to be ’ok’. I hope I can find some connections here, to know that I am not alone and get a sense that the world is a place for people like us.
