Sufferer Looking for connections

Ange988

New Here
Hello!

I am new to this website. I know I am repeating what a lot of people have written, but I never knew something like this existed. I have had moderate social anxiety all my life and had recovered some from it, but until a year ago, I had not known I had cPTSD despite being a healthcare worker and having read some psychology and self-help. I didn’t even know that cPTSD existed until a psychotherapist I started seeing then proposed it as a possibility. I guess what started as a breakup/midlife crisis plus the pandemic and burnout on top of it have brought me into a long series of flashbacks I haven’t been able to come out of for a year and a half. It has also led to a high risk syndrome for psychosis, I get very hypervigilant at work. I am struggling with identity now and what I want or am able to do as a career, as I will be facing exams soon that would stress much more resilient people. At times (like tonight) I am afraid that this will be my life, just a nightmare of not knowing who I am, not being able to make a decision, not knowing what is good for me, although I know that these are just signs of the flashback. I was getting more and more isolated in my life, in part because of the pandemic, in part because of feeling too vulnerable to disclose my feelings and too emotional to pretend to be ’ok’. I hope I can find some connections here, to know that I am not alone and get a sense that the world is a place for people like us.
 

Barb

New Here
Hello!

I am new to this website. I know I am repeating what a lot of people have written, but I never knew something like this existed. I have had moderate social anxiety all my life and had recovered some from it, but until a year ago, I had not known I had cPTSD despite being a healthcare worker and having read some psychology and self-help. I didn’t even know that cPTSD existed until a psychotherapist I started seeing then proposed it as a possibility. I guess what started as a breakup/midlife crisis plus the pandemic and burnout on top of it have brought me into a long series of flashbacks I haven’t been able to come out of for a year and a half. It has also led to a high risk syndrome for psychosis, I get very hypervigilant at work. I am struggling with identity now and what I want or am able to do as a career, as I will be facing exams soon that would stress much more resilient people. At times (like tonight) I am afraid that this will be my life, just a nightmare of not knowing who I am, not being able to make a decision, not knowing what is good for me, although I know that these are just signs of the flashback. I was getting more and more isolated in my life, in part because of the pandemic, in part because of feeling too vulnerable to disclose my feelings and too emotional to pretend to be ’ok’. I hope I can find some connections here, to know that I am not alone and get a sense that the world is a place for people like us.
I am new to this website too and my intro post is very similar to yours! Being in healthcare, the trauma of the pandemic, recent break up, studying for exams to be board certified, the constant cognitive dissonance, flash backs that have been persistent for a couple of years, not knowing who you are, isolation... You are not alone!!!
 
D

Dada

Hello! This is my first time posting anything here but I relate to so much of what you wrote and just wanted to say hey! you are not alone! I'm also over here not knowing who I am or what I want. It's a struggle to even know what I feel sometimes. I woke up to flashbacks and your post inspired me to make the effort to connect with people who understand what this is like so hopefully I'll make my own introduction sometime soon. Thank you!
 

Tickety-boo

New Here
Welcome! Just a thought, I have emotional flashbacks - they don't involve anything visual and aren't associated with any specific memories, I will just start feeling the same feelings I did during my bad experiences, and for a long time I didn't know what was happening because it's not something I ever heard described or attributed to flashbacks. Some of the things you said made me think you might be experiencing something like that in addition to the flashbacks you know are happening and are identifying. Like I said, just a thought. It helped me to finally know what was going on.
 
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