Looking for information, or relate to others

cpdl_toronto

New Here
Hello,

I should first say that I am 35, but every 10 years, since I was 14, bad luck comes around.

First at 14 I was swarmed and beaten by a gang of 10 - 20 people, getting a taxi togo home. there was no reason for it to occur. never had nightmares or anxiety of any kind, I dropped out of school and attempted todo menial cleaning jobs, but nothing worked.

Ten years later, I began having vivid dreams and nightmares, also what's called "persecutory delusion's", to make it short, I almost ended up sleeping in a church for homeless people.
My parents took me to a psychiatric hospital, where I was put on a legal form taking away my rights and putting me in a involuntary commitment, I not could not leave until taking medication.
Almost 2 months later, after pressure from everyone, I took the medication and went home.
Began some minimal schooling, but nothing resulted from it, and now am going todo an undergrad.

Again ten years later, I have been taking many different medications and developed a sort of agoraphobia, and spent 4 years inside my home, doing nothing.
I began taking small trips to buy cigarettes at the store.
On one of these trips, I was alone walking and a man began acting violent and loud behind me, I looked around and noticed I was alone, so I continued around the corner to a collection of dumpsters (later everyone would say I should have hidden in the store, and if necessary call the police).
He followed me around the corner, and said something, but at that point I had been so stressed for months without sleeping normally, and with what you would call symptoms, and waiting for a new medication / drug to take effect.
I reacted badly and pushed him, during the incident, he dislocated my shoulder, and punched me on the floor.
From what I have read it is one of the most painful major fractures that can occur, along with a hip fracture.
I still do not know if my arm will work properly in the future.

= MY REASON FOR THIS POST, I cannot compare myself to others, but in everyone of these things, I remember it from the outside.
1) when I was swarmed, I lost consciousness several times, but for some reason remember it from a view of outside, just a large group, 15-20 people kicking something around a car, shoulder to shoulder screaming and kicking something on the floor.
2) Again with this situation, I remember the view from the ceiling, above this couch, watching myself.
3) And finally with this injury/attack, I remember it as if I was standing infront of the store, seeing myself struggle to get off the floor, and running into the store, carrying my arm dangling.....

MY QUESTION IS : has this happened to anyone else, because these are not major injuries, but very weird, seeing things from a point of view floating above you / from a third person perspective.

Thanks again, any comments or advice would be helpful. Take Care.
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
not as they were happening, but after traumatic events I will think about them and eventually get around to dreams where i am watching from outside myself. I don't know if it is common to just trauma victims, based on life experiences and listening to TED talks I have come to believe we all carry around an ability to imagine watching from outside ourselves. It just takes a bit more of a push for some of us than others, and we get a little less or more attached to the vision depending on a lot of things.
 

coraxxx

Sponsor
Sorry to hear it has happened it's really awful.

Having "out of body" experiences is quite common in trauma. I have one situation where I got a memory like that. Otherwise I'm not too subject to it but many memories have a "filmic" quality that makes me feel like it's not really mine, it's more like someone has downloaded their own internal cam into my pool of information. So I can know it happened and almost replay it entirely, but feel rather detached from it. It's not linear though and sometimes it will feel very embodied, sometimes very distant, and sometimes visual elements just entirely go away and all that is left is a sensation of impending doom. That too is a flashback.

It's not crazy at all, it's just how the brain sometime does respond to overwhelming situations. The fact it was very painful probably triggered it. It doesn't need to be major to make your brain fizz out. It's not you being weird or weak.
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
I know a long distance runner that has had hours of floating above himself views of the ultra marathons he runs. he says it is probably a way to avoid being "in body" when he is racked with pain and sleep deprived. He says many long distance runners have this experience, among other common "hallucinations", enough to make me think we all carry the ability to experience it even though I can't recall a time when I did in the moment except possibly under heavy sedation for a surgery and then, who knows when It happened-before, during, after the surgery or on day two or six of the hospital heroin recovery?
Point is, it's likely a survival tool we all have somewhere in us. Along with a whole lot of other primordial crap leftovers.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
has this happened to anyone else, because these are not major injuries, but very weird, seeing things from a point of view floating above you / from a third person perspective.
Yep.
In the moment, or when a memory resurfaces seeing it from that out of body perspective.
Interestingly, I also had it when I was giving a presentation at a conference. I could see and hear myself giving the presentation and 'speak' to myself that it was going well. So had it in a non trauma related thing too.
 

Renly

MyPTSD Pro
This sounds like a type of dissociation - depersonalization is when you have an out of body experience like you described, it is common during traumatic events. It’s happened to me a handful of times during different traumatic events - I am floating above myself watching the traumas instead of experiencing it from my own perspective. I’ve had a few episodes of derealization (when the world seems unreal) as well, both during trauma and within the last few months now that I am doing trauma processing (EMDR). Looking back into my trauma history, a lot more dissociated memories are resurfacing for me.

It’s a way your brain is protecting you from the trauma.
 
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