I seriously need some help with this. I am kind of amazed by the level of anger i am feeling from when lied too, and the lack of anger i am also starting to feel after I settle back down and look at it pragmatically for what it is, jyst vibrating air.
Who is doing the most self harm, the person that tolerates the lies and shows up the next day for more, or the person that goes to bed every night with the memory of having been a liar in their heads?
Or does that matter? Do i win because the liar is suffering deeper wounds?
I post this all because it matters to me. I think i am allowing myself to wear this new feeling of low worth, I am so low that people can lie to me like my feelings dont matter. And my best way through this to just shut off the care, make my feelings disappear.
I still have some pride, but all it does is cause me pain when it is assaulted by the lies.
Is this all just my new normal that I cant change in any way short of just moving on to a different life?
I am not suicidal, but I want to end this one, no hope here anymore.
they lie to me at work, she lies to me at home, if the truth is hard, they tell me a lie. Same as my father and step mother did way back when, same as the community i live in, same as my government, its all just blatant bold faced lies to keep me moving along, doing what they want but no way they get me to believe a word of it.
The side effect of losing hope is getting unbearable.