Sufferer Loss of Humanity or Simply Programmed?

[cgfarkas]

I don't know what this is called or if it's actually real. I can barely get 2 sentences out most of the time, so no one understands me. I try to get people to relate to what I am now by asking 1 of 2 questions...
Have you ever watched "Vampire Diaries"? If yes, I oddly enough have to reiterate that I know that I'm not a vampire...UGH! Then I ask, do you remember how they were able to shut their "humanity" off?
And most people just stare at me like blink blink blink because they think that I still think I'm a vampire!!
The second question I will ask is, "Do you believe robots, AI, have feelings"? And this is why...
I don't feel anything. I know when to react, how to react when to laugh when to hug somebody, and when to look serious. I'm programmed to do all of that. But there's nothing real about me. There's nothing human, there's nothing.
So if anyone can relate to this or if you just want to tell me that I am actually as freaking crazy as I think that I might be, just let me know

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello, it sounds like you're going through a difficult time and feeling misunderstood. It's brave of you to reach out and share your experiences here. Many individuals with PTSD and CPTSD can relate to feeling disconnected from their emotions or feeling like they're "programmed" to react in certain ways. You are not alone in feeling this way.

It's important to know that what you are experiencing is real and valid, and you are not crazy. Many people find it challenging to express themselves, especially when dealing with trauma. It's okay to struggle with opening up and finding the right words to describe your feelings.

I encourage you to explore the forums on myptsd.com where you can connect with others who may have similar experiences and can offer support and understanding. Remember, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma can also be beneficial in processing and coping with these feelings.

Feel free to share more about your experiences here, and I hope you find comfort in knowing that there are others who can relate and support you on your journey.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

I don't feel anything. I know when to react, how to react when to laugh when to hug somebody, and when to look serious. I'm programmed to do all of that. But there's nothing real about me. There's nothing human, there's nothing.

Yup. Numb. Or dissociating. Both things I do often.

You’re still human. Very human, in fact. You’re in good company on this forum:)

 

[Aprilshowers]

The reason I am alive today is because I lived a big portion of my life just as you are - a dissociated robot. You don't have to exist that way. Get help. Talk to people here. It won't happen fast, but it can happen.

 

[Friday]

The “humanity” nonsense always pisses me off.

Oh! You mean this 3% on the spectrum? Of PEOPLE. Really??? Bite me.

To be fair, I “grew up” on 5 continents AND have an anthropology degree, so it’s kind of like talking about phrenology, or the sun orbiting the earth, or Divine whatever… to start talking to ME about “humanity”. And that’s before trauma. IE Bad Science. Whatever pop culture says is “deep”. f*ck that noise. Although I dearly love a Daemon character, here & there, whilst brick wall bang heading Stefan. Yes. CONTROL.? Is about finding the fun. Rather than recoiling against the terrifying. IE a balance, rather than extremes. The extremes? Happen. So finding the balance between the two? = Honor. (Or denial/splurge/crash/ pingpong).

Find yourself, or find what others tell you, & fail.

 

[shimmerz]

For a big portion of my life, I was an IT business owner. Programming was a big part of my work. When I crashed and burned with my PTSD, I realized that the battle in my head that I was having was wrestling control back from the programs people had me install in myself in order to relate to them.

Once I caught onto to it became obvious to me that the next step in my healing was to replace their programs with my own. Self-compassion,self-love, self-care based programs.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I think trauma has a lot to do with sense of humanity. Whatever it does to us, our emotions, behaviour, perceptions. None of it actually deducts humanity. It’s all a game of comparison. But mentally? All the way. If anything can make you feel less human, it’s trauma, and the aftermath thereof.

In objective reality, humanity is hardcoded. We are human, done. Pop-culture and pop-psychology makes out various barriers of entry that we can adopt, which more often than not harm whoever doesn’t fit the norm. None of us here fit the norm, wether we were born or traumatised that way. It’s all noise.

I struggle with feeling human. The list goes on. Too many factors have been tethered to the word; It’s this nebulous, opinion-based concept that picks up whatever. And we grant or revoke it often based on fear or pain.

Really, we are all human, all have humanity, wether we’re relatively “normal” people, disabled people, compassionless, selfish and greedy people, or their victims, trying to cope and survive people.


Dissociation (during or after trauma) is a double-edged-sword. I’m sorry you’re going through such a bad time. But you are heard, and related to.

I’ve spent most of my time feeling like an animal, at best (something non-living, near the other end). But it does get better.