Relationship Lost and Broken

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I didn't mean to imply that it's not his fault for lashing out. I meant that it's part of the illness to attach to someone, then run away. Meaning it won't get better. This is truly who he is, both parts. He could get better with meds and therapy, but PTSD is not causing him to leave you, anymore than it caused him to be with you. Both are equal. I'm not really explaining well, I have issues with that. All of his behaviors, good and bad are shadowed by PTSD. The part where he was interested in you - PTSD. The part where he leaves - PTSD. It doesn't cause just the bad parts. If he didn't have PTSD, he might not have been interested at all.

Those sites that told you to wait are not really correct. If you treated him that way would he wait? It's important for your mental health not to take abuse from him or anyone else.
 
I didn't mean to imply that it's not his fault for lashing out. I meant that it's part of the illness to attach to someone, then run away. Meaning it won't get better. This is truly who he is, both parts. He could get better with meds and therapy, but PTSD is not causing him to leave you, anymore than it caused him to be with you. Both are equal. I'm not really explaining well, I have issues with that. All of his behaviors, good and bad are shadowed by PTSD. The part where he was interested in you - PTSD. The part where he leaves - PTSD. It doesn't cause just the bad parts. If he didn't have PTSD, he might not have been interested at all.

Those sites that told you to wait are not really correct. If you treated him that way would he wait? It's important for your mental health not to take abuse from him or anyone else.
He’s in medication but I don’t think he is in therapy. Some of the things I’ve read have been on here and other forums as well. Both have been helpful. I understand about it being who he is. I don’t understand why it’s part of the illness to attach and then run away. What makes someone feel the need to run? Could you explain that to me?
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
He’s in medication but I don’t think he is in therapy. Some of the things I’ve read have been on here and other forums as well. Both have been helpful. I understand about it being who he is. I don’t understand why it’s part of the illness to attach and then run away. What makes someone feel the need to run? Could you explain that to me?
Mental illness could be one explanation. Being mentally unstable. Any number of reasons to do with mental health.
 
Mental illness could be one explanation. Being mentally unstable. Any number of reasons to do with mental health.
I suffer with depression which is a mental illness. I have many days where I feel unlovable or worthless but I don’t run from someone I’m interested in or treat my friends like shit. It must be something related to PTSD. People come into your life as a blessing or a lesson. I’ve learned a good lesson. Good people finish last.
 
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LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
After trauma the brain is hard wired for survival. These are stress responses survivors use in stressful or dangerous situations.

My guy is a combat veteran. His go to is "fight".

I don't think trying to figure out why your friend did what he did will help you. I think learning about PTSD will help you better to understand why he did what he did.

All kinds of relationships are stressful. And it sounds like this was too stressful for him so he bailed.

I'd let him go if I were you. I'm like Friday. If someone doesn't want to be with me I'm not begging, pleading or crying. His loss. Not mine.

Good luck. Take care of yourself right now.
 
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After trauma the brain is hard wired for survival. These are stress responses survivors use in stressful or dangerous situations.

My guy is a combat veteran. His go to is "fight".

I don't think trying to figure out why your friend did what he did will help you. I think learning about PTSD will help you better to understand why he did what he did.

All kinds of relationships are stressful. And it sounds like this was too stressful for him so he bailed.

I'd let him go if I were you. I'm like Friday. If someone doesn't want to be with me I'm not begging, pleading or crying. His loss. Not mine.

Good luck. Take care of yourself right now.
I wish I had done more research in the beginning. A lot of the issues I faced were my fault because I didn’t understand things that were happening. This hasn’t been a normal situation of when a guy is interested in a girl. A lot was his fault for not explaining. Either way it doesn’t matter now. I know in my heart I treated him with love and respect and that’s what matters. All I can do is try to forget and move on. He not only lost a loyal friend, he lost me as well.From others that have posted on this forum and seeing what they have dealt with, it was only a matter of time before this happened anyway. He wouldn’t have stuck around no matter how much love I showed him. There’s a lot I don’t understand about this illness, but I guess it’s not for me to understand. Thank you for you for taking the time to explain.
 
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Freida

Sponsor
Everything I’ve read has said they isolate and sometimes vanish but to not give up on them.
yep. I"m a classic isolater. However. That doesn't excuse my behavior -it just explains it. If I take off on hubby? Then it's up to me to face the consequences of that. If he decides he can't live with someone who just randomly bails on him and refuses to do anything to change that behavior? Then he has a right to leave, even if he loves me

When they say "don't give up" I think they are referring to people who know they are doing something that hurts those around them and who are willing to do the work to change. Hubby and I had to set ground rules on my isolation and it was up to ME to honor them. Which I do, even when it's really hard, because I love him

PTSD doesn't give us the right to be asshats who expect the world to change for us. And it NEVER gives us an excuse to be abusive. Because the people who support us deserve better than that.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
Either way it doesn’t matter now.
No, there is no blame. It's no one's fault. Before it had a name it was around. For me, PTSD is an illness of attachment among other things. I was abused as a child by my parents, so I developed attachment issues. I am not able to have relationships like others. If you had done everything differently, it would have had the same result.
 
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