Relationship Lost and Broken

No, there is no blame. It's no one's fault. Before it had a name it was around. For me, PTSD is an illness of attachment among other things. I was abused as a child by my parents, so I developed attachment issues. I am not able to have relationships like others. If you had done everything differently, it would have had the same result.
My hurts for you and anyone else who suffers from this illness. It’s not fair and I’m sorry you have to deal it. I guess for me, I’m hurt and embarrassed, this mess makes me look like an idiot. I tried hard to be a good friend to someone who clearly had nothing for me. Thankfully I never told him I had feelings for him. Only that I cared. Thank you to everyone for the insight you gave. You’ve been a blessing to me
 
I hope you're doing ok. This doesn't make you look like an idiot, you acted like a normal person would in a relationship. You had no idea that he wouldn't. Be kind to yourself, you deserve kindness.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m an emotional wreck. It’s hard to NOT feel like this. I know he cares about me in some form.. in his own way. I just wish I could talk to him. Being shut out and not knowing if I will ever talk to him again (even as a friend) is extremely hard.
 

Livinginhope

Confident
Thank you for your kind words. I’m an emotional wreck. It’s hard to NOT feel like this. I know he cares about me in some form.. in his own way. I just wish I could talk to him. Being shut out and not knowing if I will ever talk to him again (even as a friend) is extremely hard.
Hi. It is hard to not feel like you do. I know from personal experience. I was getting close to a sufferer for almost a year before he withdrew after a minor misunderstanding. It's been 3.5 months now since he ghosted me so I know precisely how you feel. The only thing I can say is that it does very slowly get easier. People will always say not to take it personally, and in many ways they are right, but it does feel personal and it hurts.

Take it one day at a time, look after yourself and try not to be too hard on yourself. Good luck.
 
Hi. It is hard to not feel like you do. I know from personal experience. I was getting close to a sufferer for almost a year before he withdrew after a minor misunderstanding. It's been 3.5 months now since he ghosted me so I know precisely how you feel. The only thing I can say is that it does very slowly get easier. People will always say not to take it personally, and in many ways they are right, but it does feel personal and it hurts.

Take it one day at a time, look after yourself and try not to be too hard on yourself. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you have had to deal with that. How are you dealing with it? And have you tried to reach out to him?
 

Livinginhope

Confident
I’m so sorry you have had to deal with that. How are you dealing with it? And have you tried to reach out to him?
Initially I tried many times to get him to engage. I knew he was an isolater and he had taken days out all the way through our friendship/relationship. We'd talked about it and I thought I finally understood that he would always return. Until he didn't! Honestly, I've found it very tough. We were getting very close. But I think that was part of the issue for him, plus the pandemic and the stresses of his job.

After a few days, I tried to back off and give him space. I didn't always succeed, especially as Christmas came soon after. So I sent a few messages every two or three weeks, with things I thought would interest him or bring a smile. But nothing. He hasn't blocked me, but as much as I care for him and wish him well, I have had to slowly let him go. It's not good for me, and he's a grown man who knows his own mind. If he wanted to reach out, he would. He knows I care. He knows where I am. But life goes on and I can't hold myself in a painful limbo for ever.

That said, not everyone is the same and your guy friend might be different. But, for what it's worth, I would say if he's asked for space, let him have it. Pushing him will only push him further away. If you feel up to it, you could send him a short, friendly message every few weeks. But bear in mind that he might not respond. If you can handle it that way, until you've managed to heal, it doesn't feel quite so final.

As an aside, I read on this site recently of a supporter who continued to send her sufferer short, chatty messages for 2 years after he ghosted her! Nothing back in all that time. And then, at the end of year 3, he randomly messaged to thank her and apologise!!! I'm not saying this to encourage you to hold on for that long - but rather to point out that when they go, time can go out the window for them. I personally know it would hugely unhealthy for me to hang in for anywhere near that long and be ignored. As hard as it is, the time will come when it will feel natural to let him go and put yourself first. If he returns, then he'll have to fit in with how you feel then. If he doesn't, then you'll at least know that you were always kind and supportive, and he's just not well enough to be in any kind of close friendship.
 
I’m so sorry you have had to deal with that. How are you dealing with it? And have you tried to reach out to him?
Initially I tried many times to get him to engage. I knew he was an isolater and he had taken days out all the way through our friendship/relationship. We'd talked about it and I thought I finally understood that he would always return. Until he didn't! Honestly, I've found it very tough. We were getting very close. But I think that was part of the issue for him, plus the pandemic and the stresses of his job.

After a few days, I tried to back off and give him space. I didn't always succeed, especially as Christmas came soon after. So I sent a few messages every two or three weeks, with things I thought would interest him or bring a smile. But nothing. He hasn't blocked me, but as much as I care for him and wish him well, I have had to slowly let him go. It's not good for me, and he's a grown man who knows his own mind. If he wanted to reach out, he would. He knows I care. He knows where I am. But life goes on and I can't hold myself in a painful limbo for ever.

That said, not everyone is the same and your guy friend might be different. But, for what it's worth, I would say if he's asked for space, let him have it. Pushing him will only push him further away. If you feel up to it, you could send him a short, friendly message every few weeks. But bear in mind that he might not respond. If you can handle it that way, until you've managed to heal, it doesn't feel quite so final.

As an aside, I read on this site recently of a supporter who continued to send her sufferer short, chatty messages for 2 years after he ghosted her! Nothing back in all that time. And then, at the end of year 3, he randomly messaged to thank her and apologise!!! I'm not saying this to encourage you to hold on for that long - but rather to point out that when they go, time can go out the window for them. I personally know it would hugely unhealthy for me to hang in for anywhere near that long and be ignored. As hard as it is, the time will come when it will feel natural to let him go and put yourself first. If he returns, then he'll have to fit in with how you feel then. If he doesn't, then you'll at least know that you were always kind and supportive, and he's just not well enough to be in any kind of close friendship.
At first mine took days out as well. Each time it would get longer and longer. It was only recently that I have understood why he needed the time. He never talked about his illness. I never asked thinking if he wanted me to know he would’ve told me. I “thought” we were getting close. But the day I talked to him on the phone he acted like I was a stranger. As much information as I’ve received/read about their actions.. I will never fully get it.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. My heart hurts for you as much as it does for me. Knowing I’m not alone helps. I will say a prayer you
 
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