notdoneyet
Learning
Hey everyone, after lurking and checking this place every now and then over the past few months my life came to a screeching halt and I finally decided to make an account.
I've been struggling with anxiety, my adhd and my trauma basically my whole life, I had my fair share of trauma starting in early childhood but I thought I was finally getting better.
I'm 30 now and things seemed like they were starting to make sense, but boy was I wrong.
So yeah.
Everything just fell apart during the last few days.
I got news that the trauma therapy (my 5th attempt to get one in the last 2 years) that I was waiting on for quite a long time didn't accept me, I learned that someone I trusted (and I don't trust many people) and was really close with (to the point of calling them my best friend) lied to me and betrayed me and shared extremely personal things about me.
That person hurt me before, but I always forgave them because they had a lot of problems themselves but what I found out now just left me completely shattered and I am just so done.
I can't use my usual coping mechanisms or things to calm myself because we shared so many interests that a lot of my favorite music, books, poetry, shows and interests in general now feel tainted and make me feel appalled and scared.
I was doing so well before all that happened, even felt like getting back into dating, but now?
So yeah, here I am, taking anxiety meds that don't really help and feeling like nothing makes sense anymore.
I don't really know what I'm expecting of this, I just feel so damn alone in this world rn, but I know there's at least people here who understand that this isn't "just a setback" and how much things like this can fk with the healing you're trying to do.
I've been struggling with anxiety, my adhd and my trauma basically my whole life, I had my fair share of trauma starting in early childhood but I thought I was finally getting better.
I'm 30 now and things seemed like they were starting to make sense, but boy was I wrong.
So yeah.
Everything just fell apart during the last few days.
I got news that the trauma therapy (my 5th attempt to get one in the last 2 years) that I was waiting on for quite a long time didn't accept me, I learned that someone I trusted (and I don't trust many people) and was really close with (to the point of calling them my best friend) lied to me and betrayed me and shared extremely personal things about me.
That person hurt me before, but I always forgave them because they had a lot of problems themselves but what I found out now just left me completely shattered and I am just so done.
I can't use my usual coping mechanisms or things to calm myself because we shared so many interests that a lot of my favorite music, books, poetry, shows and interests in general now feel tainted and make me feel appalled and scared.
I was doing so well before all that happened, even felt like getting back into dating, but now?
So yeah, here I am, taking anxiety meds that don't really help and feeling like nothing makes sense anymore.
I don't really know what I'm expecting of this, I just feel so damn alone in this world rn, but I know there's at least people here who understand that this isn't "just a setback" and how much things like this can fk with the healing you're trying to do.