Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
Hello all,
I just need a place to put this that is safe. I started my first big boy salaried position today. Excellent pay, fun work, stuff I love to do, great coworkers. I had a great first day and even when I logged off for the day I was ready for the next (it's remote too!! woohoo!!). I logged off around 5pm and something slowly, slowly started building where by 9pm I was having full body and sensory flashbacks of past rapes from my abusive ex boyfriend. I haven't really had flashbacks this bad in a while, maybe one day I'm sure is the anniversary date of the first time. This time was so bad tho, and I don't remember what happened, but just I feel like I'm remembering it and it's awful. From June-October I have multiple anniversary dates of rough trauma but most of them I don't actually remember until I'm having flashbacks (coercion through drugs/alcohol).
Don't really know what caused it or triggered to be honest at this point, I'm trying to trace it back to soothe myself but I've been losing it all night. I don't want to sleep in my bed either because even though it's a different bed, 990 miles from where my sexual abuses happened, it still feels like it's happening when I lay down. Luckily I can start a little later to work tomorrow if I want. I've just been doing things to make myself feel soothed to try to bring myself down but it's so, so hard. I'm proud of how I've handled it it just sucks because I wanted to celebrate and feel good about my first day of work work.
I just need a place to put this that is safe. I started my first big boy salaried position today. Excellent pay, fun work, stuff I love to do, great coworkers. I had a great first day and even when I logged off for the day I was ready for the next (it's remote too!! woohoo!!). I logged off around 5pm and something slowly, slowly started building where by 9pm I was having full body and sensory flashbacks of past rapes from my abusive ex boyfriend. I haven't really had flashbacks this bad in a while, maybe one day I'm sure is the anniversary date of the first time. This time was so bad tho, and I don't remember what happened, but just I feel like I'm remembering it and it's awful. From June-October I have multiple anniversary dates of rough trauma but most of them I don't actually remember until I'm having flashbacks (coercion through drugs/alcohol).
Don't really know what caused it or triggered to be honest at this point, I'm trying to trace it back to soothe myself but I've been losing it all night. I don't want to sleep in my bed either because even though it's a different bed, 990 miles from where my sexual abuses happened, it still feels like it's happening when I lay down. Luckily I can start a little later to work tomorrow if I want. I've just been doing things to make myself feel soothed to try to bring myself down but it's so, so hard. I'm proud of how I've handled it it just sucks because I wanted to celebrate and feel good about my first day of work work.