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Love or dependence?

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Hi all. Am in need of some advice cause I have no idea what to think or do.

I’ve been friends with this guy for over a year now. In all honesty, it started as just casual sex but we became friends too. Somewhere in mid 2019, I started to develop feelings for him. (Not something that happens often or easily)
I opened up to him about it and he was very understanding but not looking for a relationship. I took some time to think and came to the decision to continue being friends with him because I really do enjoy being around him and he’s one of the sweetest people I know. We talk every day now, used to see each other every week or so.

But the thing is, I’ve also grown increasingly unstable over the past year. I had a psychotic episode and overdosed in August and have been very depressed and suicidal since.

He knows about this and has been a great source of comfort. Because of this, my feelings grew stronger but I no longer know whether it is actual romantic attraction or if I have just become dependent on his company and the comfort he provides. My brain has been very delusional and just all around messy lately and it’s been so hard for me to actually reflect on how i feel.

I guess my question is, how do I know whether what I’m feeling is love or if it is just my messed up, traumatised brain trying to seek comfort and clinging on to someone who is actually nice to me? And either way, what should I do to stop how I’m feeling?
Thanks for any replies, I hope you all are staying safe in these troubling times.
 
You know it’s possible to love friends, too, right? That there can be both connection & profound feelings for someone... without them having to be romantic. Nor dependent.

It’s not a black & white // all -or- nothing option between healthy romantic feelings and unhealthy dependence. There is also a huuuuuuuge range of perfectly healthy, light to deep, feelings for friends/allies/companions.
 
if it is just my messed up, traumatised brain trying to seek comfort and clinging on to someone who is actually nice to me?
You know people are allowed to be nice to you, right? And your brain is definitely allowed to enjoy the fact that they like you.
And either way, what should I do to stop how I’m feeling?
Why would you want to stop what you're feeling?

If your friend gives you some indication that he finds you too much - or better yet, if you ask him if you're too clingy and he says yes - then you can worry about that. But maybe you're turning something nice into a problem that doesn't actually exist.
 
Hi all. Am in need of some advice cause I have no idea what to think or do.

I’ve been friends with this guy for over a year now. In all honesty, it started as just casual sex but we became friends too. Somewhere in mid 2019, I started to develop feelings for him. (Not something that happens often or easily)
I opened up to him about it and he was very understanding but not looking for a relationship. I took some time to think and came to the decision to continue being friends with him because I really do enjoy being around him and he’s one of the sweetest people I know. We talk every day now, used to see each other every week or so.

But the thing is, I’ve also grown increasingly unstable over the past year. I had a psychotic episode and overdosed in August and have been very depressed and suicidal since.

He knows about this and has been a great source of comfort. Because of this, my feelings grew stronger but I no longer know whether it is actual romantic attraction or if I have just become dependent on his company and the comfort he provides. My brain has been very delusional and just all around messy lately and it’s been so hard for me to actually reflect on how i feel.

I guess my question is, how do I know whether what I’m feeling is love or if it is just my messed up, traumatised brain trying to seek comfort and clinging on to someone who is actually nice to me? And either way, what should I do to stop how I’m feeling?
Thanks for any replies, I hope you all are staying safe in these troubling times.

Something to consider:
Why do you think you are uncomfortable with the way you are feeling?
 
Hi @Miss_Basilisk. I have two thoughts: 1. I think sex always complicates things, no matter what the actual status of the relationship is. I think choosing to be friends with someone you've had/are having sex with always brings up complications. 2. I think your confusion over whether it's dependence or love is something everyone experiences whether they have ptsd, psychosis, or none of these. But to me, the fact that you are confused suggests to me that you do have romantic feelings for him. I personally aren't able to do the friendship with benefits thing, and find that I get way too hurt and attached to not have my romantic feelings reciprocated. Your friend sounds supportive and kind, but if you are always going to want more from him than he wants to give you, will the relationship become too frustrating?
 
Your friend sounds like a great friend. And he obviously likes you.

Accept the way you feel and enjoy his friendship and support.

Try to stop analysing or labelling what you've got with this man - whatever it is, it's working for you both now.

Time will sort the rest?
 
It seems that your mental condition has been deteriorating while you have been seeing him. Is that just a coincidence or is there something to it?
 
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