Loving Dangerous People

Friday

Moderator
Aside from my family… I don’t know that I’ve ever loved anyone who isn’t dangerous.

Even when I tried to? A sweet little grocery clerk I met by chance, when I was trying to be normal? Psychopathy II (DSMIV, under the old Axis system). Also known as my exHusband. Snort. I’ve never been good at the whole ‘normal’ thing. Very much a wasted effort -with incalculable consequence- even attempting it.

To be fair… NOT even giving a second glance at normal? The people I dated, befriended, and brought close? Were dangerous as f*ck as a baseline, but also? Dayum fine people. Very different people, with very different lives, & personalities, & desires… but the baseline? Was holy Mary mother of f*ck… dayum fine people.

Who do you love?
 
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bellbird

Sponsor
but the baseline? Was holy Mary mother of f*ck… dayum fine people.
Is it that you love dangerous people, or that you just love fine people who happen to be dangerous?

As for who I love, I'm not sure if there is a trend. I guess some degree of kindness from them is key for me to fall in love, but history suggests that that love can persist long after the kindness has gone.
 
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intothelight

Sponsor
I've had my fill of loving dangerous people as it is an emotional wasteland. I can love tough people, inconsistent people, dreamers, and just about anyone who isn't dangerous. I'm afraid of how I will respond to the next person who seriously threatens me as I have had more than my fill. Perhaps I am the dangerous one?
 

grief

Sponsor
i am the total oppesite. safety is extremely importent to me. even within friendships. i prefer to be around (although i am certenly not there my self) people who are wise, compassionate and warm.

people often accuse my spouse of being boring. and with all the love in the world. he kind of is. or at least he's predictable and consistent. it's something i appreciate. he's nice. he is gentle. i've had enough danger and violence for a life time. and let's face it, these days, kindness is revolutionary.

that being said, i have several good friends who are cluster b/empathy defecit and we do get along. i'd be a hypocrite if i denigraded someone simply for their diagnosis. it does prescribe a few personality traits. as long as people are not cruel, violent, aggresseve or bullying it does not particulerly bother me.
 
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ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
I flicker from different kinds of people. But yeah kindness and intelligence for me are important. That, at first at least, they show kindness, predictability and attention. Now it's not a guarantee that they can be consistent with it. Honestly unpredictability bugs me big time. It causes me to start flickering between all modes and not knowing were to land so I just get stupid and aloof which I detest... or stopping on that spot and risking to loose control.

So it's not even them that I like or not in these cases, it's how I am that I don't like in these cases. I don't like to feel bad. I don't like not to know what to do. I don't like to keep worrying. At times I can become enough of a brute myself to tolerate to live with other brutes and not caring much and it's just like a blackout of laughs discomfort and I-don't-give-a-f*ck-anymore, but that's a very short window. Once I get back I find it's horrifying and I can get super aggravated and I don't want to get into that rabbit hole until finally ending up being like this for good.

I love people who are passionate about what they do and have something to say and share. And like cooking. And spending a lot of time together, and are physically affectionate. The thing that might make me the craziest is someone who's distant, doesn't speak much and physically removed. That happened before and it just sent my mood to the wolves and made me have meltdown after meltdown.
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
How are you defining "dangerous" @Friday ? Because there are a lot of people I can see as "dangerous", because of their skill set and training, but NOT because they're anywhere on the psychopath spectrum. Like my job. There are people who think what I do is "dangerous" because they think horses are "dangerous". And, I guess they can be, but if you're good at reading them, they aren't THAT dangerous. And they usually aren't intent on hurting someone, they're just trying to protect themselves.

Your ex sounds like he's dangerous because he's a person who thinks it's ok to hurt people just because. He might even get off on hurting people. A special forces type might have the skill set to kill you with a feather, which makes them "dangerous", but, if they aren't a loose cannon, they're a different kind of dangerous.

I have to confess, I find a certain appeal in that "I can kill you with this book of stamps" kind of person. But the "hurt you or others just for the fun of it" type? Them I want to stay way far away from.
 

grit

Not Active
I can love those danger to themselves and be kind and conscious of my boundary but danger to me....no... would a sheep sleep with a wolf knowingly in the wild?
 

Eagle3

MyPTSD Pro
I find I have a propensity for feeling safe with "dangerous" people. Something about martial training and experience, I prefer being intimate with people who are capable of having my 6 covered. Now, that has been coupled with some.....fascinating and a couple of abusive pricks too, so nowadays I'm careful. I tend to the "dangerous" person in the relationship now, and I'm ok with that dynamic as I'm VERY careful not to be emotionally dangerous. Its taken me a long time to find the balance between being a capable warrior and NOT being an asshole, and expect that same balance from the people I intimately associate with. Tough to find some days....
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
No. It's the old saying "there's honor among theives". As long as you are not a rival and know how to protect yourself or you could be a danger to them, your good. For two reasons.
-You are not a rival.
-Even if they win a fight with you they may loose others respect and their place in the pecking order or at worst open themselves to multiple people sticking up for you.

What it means to you? More adrenaline, more cortisol. Women however get about half the dose men do though so maybe a little danger with your pleasure for a double dose? There are the unseen effects. Cortisol makes things work harder then they need to until something breaks. In my case, it overwhelmed something until my body somehow thought cortisol was bad and made an antibody for it.
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
I trust people typically defined as "dangerous" faster than people typically defined as "nice", cos for the most part I think people live somewhere in the middle and there's comfort in seeing what causes someone to be "dangerous", and dangerous *how*.

I have to confess, I find a certain appeal in that "I can kill you with this book of stamps" kind of person. But the "hurt you or others just for the fun of it" type? Them I want to stay way far away from.
For me it's basically this. Cos I think that is where it becomes potentially dangerous hypothetically Vs dangerous to you.

My mates are typically people who I feel protective of these days (hah). But if I was gonna decide to be into relationships I probably would pick someone more "dangerous" than my friends currently are.

But yah, dangerous means different depending on culture, experience n shit. I'm not entirely sure how I mean to define it so it's not the most useful post ever, sorry.
 
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