Entheogens are not for everyone, taking them while carrying deep trauma, it can be a horrifying experience. In my experience these dark experiences are the ones that help us the most. Going into entheogens with the intent of healing trauma, in my experience this is a deeply powerful healing tool if used properly. The way I do it is to start with a very low dose and see how it effects me, then gradually work my way up to bigger doses. On lower doses I can feel the trauma without it overwhelming me.
It can be scary because the moment I go into the trauma, the visions, feelings and everything turn very dark and unpleasant and I go through this catharsis process. This catharsis thing, its not a property of LSD, its a property of trauma. In my experience, it doesn't matter if its LSD, DMT, ayahuasca, mushrooms, all these sacred medicines seem to let me breathe and feel into the trauma I've carried with me since I was a little kid, and just feeling into it seems to be enough to trigger a catharsis.
In the catharsis, it seems to come out in different ways. Shaking, screaming and vomiting are usually how it hits me. I feel like I really need to cry but that one doesn't come easy to me. The second time this catharsis thing happened, after the shaking and the screaming finished, I burst into tears and cried for 4 hours straight. I cried more in those 4 hours than I previously had most of my life.
Sometimes these catharsis sessions can leave me a bit devastated, like I feel shattered emotionally for days and it seems like the healing process happens for months afterwards. This isn't a trauma coping tool, it actually brings me to a place where I lose all hope and feel completely helpless and paradoxically, it feels so good and right to let myself be helpless like that.
It can be scary because the moment I go into the trauma, the visions, feelings and everything turn very dark and unpleasant and I go through this catharsis process. This catharsis thing, its not a property of LSD, its a property of trauma. In my experience, it doesn't matter if its LSD, DMT, ayahuasca, mushrooms, all these sacred medicines seem to let me breathe and feel into the trauma I've carried with me since I was a little kid, and just feeling into it seems to be enough to trigger a catharsis.
In the catharsis, it seems to come out in different ways. Shaking, screaming and vomiting are usually how it hits me. I feel like I really need to cry but that one doesn't come easy to me. The second time this catharsis thing happened, after the shaking and the screaming finished, I burst into tears and cried for 4 hours straight. I cried more in those 4 hours than I previously had most of my life.
Sometimes these catharsis sessions can leave me a bit devastated, like I feel shattered emotionally for days and it seems like the healing process happens for months afterwards. This isn't a trauma coping tool, it actually brings me to a place where I lose all hope and feel completely helpless and paradoxically, it feels so good and right to let myself be helpless like that.