Lying low

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I am trying strategies to keep myself safe. At the moment it seems as though the only way I can keep myself safe is to lie low, especially in regard to my family.

Recently I got caught in my father's web. He rang to ask how my holiday with my daughter was. I was fooled, he was charming. Then I realized I had met his needs because I had contacted him and had a conversation. From his perspective all was ok.

In fact I had tested myself because I knew from the tone of his voice he was in a charming mode.Then I got a call from one of my brothers' asking if I had wanted to go to my father's for dinner.

It was like the phone call to my father had shown I had got over whatever it was I needed to get over!

I don't answer the phone and seem to be living the life of a recluse, except for going to work which I realize is a blessing. I teach children in their first year of school. My T said this is theraputic
because I can give them all the love and support that I lacked. My career choice seems to have been directly affected by my trauma.
 
At the moment I only seem to be able to work and come home, nothing much else. I have lost contact with many friends as a result of my husband's drinking. I would ring up at the last moment to cancel because he was drunk. Understandably people got tired of it.
 
Another thought, I also think it is about realizing that I am an ok person, I aim to do no harm to others and others might want to be my friend. I know this sounds a bit childish, sad and sorry but the thought of others finding me a worthy friend is priceless. I guess there is a theme of being worthless there !!!

Just had a wow moment and acknowledged the feeling of being worthless! Hope I am not being too egocentric!!
 
While you acknowledged a feeling of worthlessness PB - one which I understand - please know we think of you as a very worthy person and look forward to seeing you every month. :)
 
To cheer you up.......

Love Computer.jpg
We are here for you!
 
Sorry that things are not going too well for you at the moment - sending positive thoughts. I have only met you once and from that short meeting can def tell you that you are a worthy person. Wish I could say something to make things easier for you but not too good with words in these situations. Thinking of you!
 
If this is what works to help you feel safe right now, then good. You are doing what you have to do to protect yourself.

I'm glad that you get such pleasure from your work, what lucky kids that you teach:).
 
Recently I got caught in my father's web. He rang to ask how my holiday with my daughter was. I was fooled, he was charming.

My father is like this too, PB. It's not just you. I think it must be true of a lot of abusers. They come across as charming to suck you into the vortex. My father is on the sex offender list for the state of Illinois in the US. He has to report into the local police department and have his information updated periodically. I learned about 6 months ago, while talking to an old friend's husband that happens to be a cop in his town, that they all think he's a great guy! He's always friendly and charming, and joking around. They treat him like he's "misunderstood" or something. Needless to say, I set this cop straight, and told him some cold hard facts about the guy. But it made me think. If a police officer can fall for that kind of charm, it's really no wonder that the rest of us do.
 
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