Sufferer Lynxx's Autobiography - I endured, sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, psychological abuses for over 20 years.

Lynxx

New Here
Hi everyone,

I'm not the greatest when it comes to introductions. A friend of mine shared this website/forum with me and thought it might be helpful to share here.
I am 33 years old. At the age of 28 I was diagnosed four years ago with PTSD (although I believe its more complex), Major depression Disorder, Social and General Anxieties, and Stockholm Syndrome. I was only began treatment and was diagnosed after my main abuser passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest. Before that I wasn't allowed to interact or speak to any professional. I was simply a prisoner inside the four walls with my father ( the abuser). My mother was a silent bystander, who did not assist in helping what so ever. She just let it continue. I endured, sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, psychological abuses for over 20 years.

I struggle daily with triggers, anxiety and flashbacks the most. I try to push through my depression every day. I feel the inability to move forward although I really want too. I have a difficult expressing how I feel or showing emotion because I either feel numb or blocked. Interacting with people is a huge barrier for me but i try to do my best when i need too. I have been seeing a therapist off and on. Currently I am just seeing a psychiatrist who prescribes medications. I take what I need when i feel things are getting out of control. I am afraid I will become dependent on the meds.

I hope this forum with help me better understand and relate to the struggles I face. I realize the scars will remain for a lifetime but I am hopeful that somehow someday things will be a little bit brighter. Wishing you all the best on your journey. Stay Strong! 💪

Sarah
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome. Hope you look thru the different threads and possibly some of the articles to give you an idea of what is going on here. A very supportive and understanding community. Glad you are here.
 

grief

Sponsor
your story is something that i can relate with a lot.

when i escaped my circumstances i had absolutely zero social skills. an animal in human form. what other people had taken for granted is normal. i had no concept of that. people thought i was sociopathic. and creepy. or autistic. and some times they still think all of those things.

i apologize for monpolizing your thread. i had just wished to say that you are not alone at all. it took many years for me to gain a semblance of emotional normalcy. that i was not flat and dead in effect. the emotions and things will come with time.

you are very welcome here and this is a great start to telling your truth. 🫂
 

Lynxx

New Here
your story is something that i can relate with a lot.

when i escaped my circumstances i had absolutely zero social skills. an animal in human form. what other people had taken for granted is normal. i had no concept of that. people thought i was sociopathic. and creepy. or autistic. and some times they still think all of those things.

i apologize for monpolizing your thread. i had just wished to say that you are not alone at all. it took many years for me to gain a semblance of emotional normalcy. that i was not flat and dead in effect. the emotions and things will come with time.

you are very welcome here and this is a great start to telling your truth. 🫂
I feel very alien-like in society and even among my own family members. No one truly knows everything I've gone through. When I told my mom about the first instance of sexual abuse from my father, she just brushed it off. Ever since that time I promised myself to keep everything a secret, because it didn't matter and no one cared.
Now that I'm open to talking to a counselor about it and sharing my story. It's difficult because I've repressed a lot of things, emotions, I even have a difficult time thinking for myself. I honestly know nothing about myself. I'm trying to discover who I am as an individual. I feel so counterfeit.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
Welcome @Lynxx,

I have been a long-time member here and it has been my experience that this is a great place for healing... it is full of understanding, compassionate, and generous people, accurate information, and support. Join in the conversations as you feel comfortable. I hate that you have suffered, but it's my hope that you will heal with us here. And don't worry if you seem a stranger to yourself right now, that will likely change for the better and you will discover more about yourself as you go along, especially if you stay on a healing path. I look forward to seeing ya around the forums. Have a good day/afternoon/evening/night.

Lionheart
 
Top