I haven't posted on here frequently since my last attempt at the end of February this year, I've been pretty absent except to read posts, but more recently I've just been absent period. I had a lot of negative events happen one right after another. Losing my car because a coverage I paid for wasn't going to cover my payments when I couldn't work, court dates, absent social worker, not coming out to family or friends yet... I wasn't doing ok, I tried to help myself any way I could think of. There is a huge problem (at least in my city) with hospitals turning people away when they come into the ER stating they feel suicidal. I had gone into the ER on 3 separate occasions telling them I felt suicidal and that I had an active plan, and also that I wanted help. On all three occasions I was sent home without talking to a single mental health professional.
An hour before I overdosed I called a local distress line, I got through the first time, I asked for the crisis team to be sent out to my house, they were busy and said to call back in 10 minutes. So I waited, I held off taking anything and called back, this time I got a pre-recorded message saying they didn't have any available people and to try again in a few minutes. I called around 10 times before I gave up calling. I couldn't take it anymore so I started to take everything I had in the house. After I took everything I called a nurses line for my province just to talk to someone while I died, I didn't want to die without saying goodbye to someone (I don't know why), I forgot that I had called earlier in the month to ask a question about mixing certain meds safely and that they had my new address (I thought they had my old one across town), while I was talking to the nurse she had someone else at the centre send an ambulance to my place.
I remember getting into the ambulance and only part way down the major road near me, and then I was out. I only remember waking up once in three days and that was to try to get up and go pee, but the nurses wouldn't let me because I was catheterized. I don't remember being transferred to the other hospital that has the mental health ward. I was out of it for the next day or two. I started having seizures at night time, they would hurt so bad it woke me up after. I was in the ER at the second hospital for a week before a bed opened up on the mental health ward. I didn't get any help other than meds for that entire week. While I was in the mental health ward my meds were increased drastically. I was already taking 60mg of Cymbalta before I was admitted, but the put me on Seroquil 3 times a day, Clonazepam 2 times a day, 6mg of Ativan, and 100mg of Trazadone at bedtime. I was doped up, excessively medicated. They treated me like I was a 250lb linebacker, not a 24 year old, small woman.
They ended up discharging me early but messed up my prescription. I didn't notice until I tried to fill it that it was missing the benzo meds (so I could wean off of them), and it was missing the second page (pharmacies turned it down because of that). I ended up going off of all the meds except Cymbalta cold turkey, I felt like a drug addict for almost 5 days. I went back to the ER several times to try and get the script fixed or get a temporary small amount of meds to get me through until the psychiatrist was back to work to fix the prescription. I was sent home all 3 times, 2 out of the 3 times I wasn't even allowed to see a doctor. So I suffered through the shakes, the pukes, and the intense anxiety and inability to sleep. The seizures worsened during those days. Finally I found a pharmacy who accepted the prescription after I told them everything I tried to get it fixed.
I got a phone call from the courts on Monday letting me know the trial dates for the sexual assault by a stranger from July of this year. The pre-trial and trial are all going to happen in the next 3 to 5 months (new year). My therapist decided to work with me pro bono because of my financial situation right now, I cried. It's very expensive and I pay out of pocket to see her every week. My social worker quit on me via text message the day after I was discharged from hospital, I sent a very angry message back basically swearing at her. Because I swore at her I was kicked out from the Nurse Practitioner clinic I saw her through, so now I have to locate a new family doctor asap. I'm being sent in for a CT scan of my brain for the seizures and being referred to a neurologist. I don't know what was done to me in hospital other than being catheterized so I need to get those medical records, because they will be important.
I had an extreme suicidal evening after I got kicked out of my Nurse Practitioner clinic, I was ready to make another attempt some other way. I didn't that evening. I'm struggling, I hurt every morning I wake up because of the seizures at night time. I'm miserable right now. Been out of hospital one week as of today. Hope this rant makes sense.
An hour before I overdosed I called a local distress line, I got through the first time, I asked for the crisis team to be sent out to my house, they were busy and said to call back in 10 minutes. So I waited, I held off taking anything and called back, this time I got a pre-recorded message saying they didn't have any available people and to try again in a few minutes. I called around 10 times before I gave up calling. I couldn't take it anymore so I started to take everything I had in the house. After I took everything I called a nurses line for my province just to talk to someone while I died, I didn't want to die without saying goodbye to someone (I don't know why), I forgot that I had called earlier in the month to ask a question about mixing certain meds safely and that they had my new address (I thought they had my old one across town), while I was talking to the nurse she had someone else at the centre send an ambulance to my place.
I remember getting into the ambulance and only part way down the major road near me, and then I was out. I only remember waking up once in three days and that was to try to get up and go pee, but the nurses wouldn't let me because I was catheterized. I don't remember being transferred to the other hospital that has the mental health ward. I was out of it for the next day or two. I started having seizures at night time, they would hurt so bad it woke me up after. I was in the ER at the second hospital for a week before a bed opened up on the mental health ward. I didn't get any help other than meds for that entire week. While I was in the mental health ward my meds were increased drastically. I was already taking 60mg of Cymbalta before I was admitted, but the put me on Seroquil 3 times a day, Clonazepam 2 times a day, 6mg of Ativan, and 100mg of Trazadone at bedtime. I was doped up, excessively medicated. They treated me like I was a 250lb linebacker, not a 24 year old, small woman.
They ended up discharging me early but messed up my prescription. I didn't notice until I tried to fill it that it was missing the benzo meds (so I could wean off of them), and it was missing the second page (pharmacies turned it down because of that). I ended up going off of all the meds except Cymbalta cold turkey, I felt like a drug addict for almost 5 days. I went back to the ER several times to try and get the script fixed or get a temporary small amount of meds to get me through until the psychiatrist was back to work to fix the prescription. I was sent home all 3 times, 2 out of the 3 times I wasn't even allowed to see a doctor. So I suffered through the shakes, the pukes, and the intense anxiety and inability to sleep. The seizures worsened during those days. Finally I found a pharmacy who accepted the prescription after I told them everything I tried to get it fixed.
I got a phone call from the courts on Monday letting me know the trial dates for the sexual assault by a stranger from July of this year. The pre-trial and trial are all going to happen in the next 3 to 5 months (new year). My therapist decided to work with me pro bono because of my financial situation right now, I cried. It's very expensive and I pay out of pocket to see her every week. My social worker quit on me via text message the day after I was discharged from hospital, I sent a very angry message back basically swearing at her. Because I swore at her I was kicked out from the Nurse Practitioner clinic I saw her through, so now I have to locate a new family doctor asap. I'm being sent in for a CT scan of my brain for the seizures and being referred to a neurologist. I don't know what was done to me in hospital other than being catheterized so I need to get those medical records, because they will be important.
I had an extreme suicidal evening after I got kicked out of my Nurse Practitioner clinic, I was ready to make another attempt some other way. I didn't that evening. I'm struggling, I hurt every morning I wake up because of the seizures at night time. I'm miserable right now. Been out of hospital one week as of today. Hope this rant makes sense.
