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Major Life Changes: Father's Death and Probate, Disabled Spouse, Moving Our Family!

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New Here
First time posting and need some kind of help or encouragement through an extremely difficult time. I'm feeling overwhelmed and depressed and need someone to listen. Here are a few facts to start.

My dad just died in September. My husband and I moved into his house ten years ago after he had a stroke because he needed physical and financial help. We've been married for 11 years and we have two young children, our youngest just turned 1. My husband has been disabled for 6 years but not getting disability income. I graduated with my AA degree last summer. I worked full time up until this year, I work about 30/week now. I am the official administrator of my dad's estate and tasked with clearing out all his belongings, settling debt, and selling the house we have lived in for ten years.

Over the last ten years it's been hard living in an unhealthy environment. My dad's house in complete disrepair and moldy. We moved in and fixed it up, continued to clean as much as possible. My dad never liked any changes, even us cleaning, it stirred up resentment on both parties.

My husband injured his spine while working on the house 6 years ago. He's been unable to work and only doing odd jobs when his back is better in spurts. He stays home and takes care of our children. He is a good father and deeply cares for them. He stopped trying to get disability income after being denied by the judge and told he can work a light duty job (4 years ago). I begged him to go through the hoops with the doctor again this year, physical therapy, and physiatrist again. He is doing it now and not happy about me pushing him to do it. His constant pain over years has turned him bitter, impatient and easily angered. I don't feel supported. When I express this he sometimes says he is supporting me and is trying, but it always ends up with the same scenario of him being in pain, getting angry, and punching walls. He claims I don't do enough to support him.

Now with my dad's death, it has opened a whole new can of anger and resentment. I resent my dad for allowing the house to get in such poor condition and not willing to let us do major improvements while he was alive. Now that he's gone, I'm grieving a father that was only there for half my life and contributed to my childhood abuse. He allowed sexual abuse from his brother when I was little and ignored it when my mom brought it up. He continued to allow my uncle to stay alone with us for years. More resentment. I'm also grieving our family home that we worked so hard to improve, and now we have to sell it.

The only reason we have to sell it is because my brother is demanding he gets a share of our father's assets. (Our dad refused to write a will) I know the law states he is entitled to a share, but he has done literally nothing to help our dad. We have poured all we have and sacrificed our living to help our dad. And now my brother who lives out of state, who barely called to check on our dad, is now all of a sudden calling and expecting cash from our dad's estate. More resentment. I called him out on it and he's using his rights of the law to defend himself and doesn't seem to care. He says he cares but then his actions show he doesn't.

Through all of this I'm really trying to stay strong. I've been trying to stay afloat for years and now it's all crashing down. Now there's more burden with moving our family. And to afford moving into a house with a yard, we would need to move out of state. I'm overwhelmed with my daily responsibilities of being a parent, a caregiver for my husband, an administrator of an estate, working and being in charge of finances, shopping, food prep.... I ask for help from my husband but he's only able to do so much physically and his lack of patience prevents him from doing things like budgeting. I'm so hurt from all this and find myself in tears or raging mad, grieving with anger, and scared for our unknown future.

Thanks for reading.
Welcome to the forum.

Do you also have PTSD on top of the massive stuff you've outlined in your post? And have you got a therapist to help you deal with all this overwhelming stuff?

Mod Note:
I've removed the trigger warning from your post. We don't use them here - every single thread would require them. You can read more about that in our Community Constitution .
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