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Sexual Assault Making a report!!!!!

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RoadtoHappy

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I am not sure if this is the right place to report this so please feel free to move it if necessary.
I need some advice please.
Back story, main cause of my PTSD is from being raped and assaulted by a stranger at the age of 14. My parents owned a boat we would go to at weekends and he also had one that he lured me onto one night, a long night! Saw him one year later in the same place.
I never told a soul what happened that night and just got on with things but it changed me. I developed PTSD soon after that went undiagnosed for until this year. Its now been 15 years. I told my now husband what happened 8 years ago, he was the first person I told and then I told some friends. I have been in therapy on/off for 6 years but have found an amazing T and have been doing intense therapy for the past 6 months. Finally seeing the benefits.

My issue is that she has mentioned reporting him a few times. She is not pushing me and does everything on my terms but I feel she is right, I am stronger now and am considering reporting him. I know what his boat looked like, his age, his face is ingrained in my memory forever and I know the location but not his name. I am curious if there are others, before or after me and I want to know that but dont know if I am strong enough for police questioning, going through it all with a stranger, T is different but with police, I dont know.

I have no idea what to expect. Am I wasting my time and the police time. It happened so long ago, will it cause a major headache for everyone involved. Am I being stupid reporting someone with no name.

My main question is for those that have reported, please tell me what the process is and can my T come with me to the station or do I have to do it alone? I would prefr T to my husband as she knows every single little detail which I never felt my husband needed to hear.

Thank you in advance for your response and I am really sorry for the long post!
 
I am also interested in hearing others experience in reporting.

I just found out that they removed the statue of limitations in my state for sexual assault. I was happy to read that but began panicking at the thought of reporting him. I am personally not ready to speak about it but i know when i am ready I have enough evidence to lock him up.

I'm in a small community and making this public will be a major major struggle.

It would be great if others share their experiences with us in order to shed some like on the process.

@Sarah12 do you have a statue of limitations where you live?

Where i live it used to be up untill the victim is 30, so after you turn 30 you loss your chance of reporting it. But thankfully that changed and now there is no restrictions.
 
I am also interested in hearing others experience in reporting.

I just found out that they removed...


Hi nowthisisme,

No I live in Ireland and there is no statue of limitation at all thankfully. And there certainly wouldn’t want to be after everything that came out about the church and it’s abuse recently!

Aside from that, it is good you have the evidence to back you up but I’m sorry we have been through such an awful Thing and having the evidence won’t make it any easier especially that you live in a small town.

For me there is no evidence left. Unless he kept my underwear but I doubt it and even if he did I’m sure if they found him he would have enough time to get rid of it by the time they would get a search warrant.

It would be so helpful to hear others stories about the reporting and also if my T can come with me or if that is not appropriate. I suppose I’ll just have to ask her as she does always say we when she mentions reporting.

I wish you the best of luck when you are strong enough to go forward and report, should you decide to. I’m
Still unsure. X
 
You’re going to need feedback from those who have reported in Ireland as every country, heck every state here in the USA is different as to how these things are handled. My reporting process was through my therapist, I told her, she reported it, and done. Of course this would apply only to people who lived in my state. Maybe put your location in the title to get more location specific responses? (I don’t recall seeing the Irish flag all that often, just trying to help you get more responses.)
 
General tips from reporting a 20 year-old offence, for what it’s worth:

When I reported there was a tonne of support, including from the police, who were very forthcoming about the process beforehand. I knew, as far as positive, exactly what I was going to be put through beforehand.

The police will be able to tell you about whether your T can be in the room with you. Think about that though - it may be easier if your T is simply waiting outside the room. You’ll need someone there because you won’t know in advance how well you’ll be when you come out.

Ask questions beforehand. Does it all have to be done in one sitting, can I bring notes or comfort items, is it recorded visually as well as just by audio, do you get a copy of the statement, will it be a female officer doing the interview, what follow up should you expect, can you choose to withdraw the statement if the investigation process is too overwhelming, etc. Brainstorm your questions. Getting them answered beforehand will help with keeping it together.

Asking questions is also like a dry run for you in terms of whether the police are someone you can talk to. If they treat you and your questions dismissively? Abort! If they treat you with respect and patience? That’s a good sign. The Lyons Commission should have filtered through to reporting procedures in Ireland by now. I hope so!

Also plan out your support for the days leading up to the interview (the anxiety is intense), as well as after. Can you stay with someone? Do you have a safety plan? If you plan ahead on the basis that you may not cope? You have a good chance of coping really well.

Most important? Talk to your T about why you would do this. Do you need the perp to be prosecuted? Because statistically, that’s not going to happen. But it might, so would you cope with the court process?

For me, the massive change that came for me from reporting is the shift in my mindset. I basically went from fairly severe Stockholm syndrome to understanding (on a really fundamental level) that I was an innocent victim and I deserved justice (not gonna get it, but that’s not the point - I deserve justice, that’s huge!). I started to actually heal after I finally treated what happened as a serious criminal offence.

What you want to achieve is incredibly personal, but will be important in terms of whether you will achieve anything meaningful by putting yourself through the process.

If you have support, and you want to do this? Full support to you:)
 
General tips from reporting a 20 year-old offence, for what it’s worth:

When I reported there...

Wow Ragdoll Circus thank you so much. That is very detailed, well written and very much appreciated. You have given so great tips and I will be sure to discuss it all with my T. She has already got the name of the head detective I would first speak with so now it is just a matter of weighing up my options and ensuring its what I want and being aware of all the possible outcomes. Also weighing up if I am strong enough to do it. I really appreciate your response so thank you.

EveHarrington - Many thanks for yours too. In relation to the Irish flag, there doesn't seem to be one on the forum, as you see there is an English flag beside my name, good thing Im a big fan on the Royal family and also from the Republic :) so I don't know if there is anyone else from Ireland on this or if there is but its hard to tell cause of the flag, it no big deal though. The Irish police force (Gardai) are actually very good so I don't worry too much about them not being considerate but the whole process scares the sh1t out of me.
 
I reported an assault last year. For me, timing wasn't the issue.

My experience in the actual procedure was positive. There were only female detectives involved. I was told over the phone ahead of time what to expect and to feel absolutely free to ask any further questions that came to mind.

I was given the detective's personal phone number and extension. It was Christmas last year that all this was happening.

I was permitted items of comfort with me during the actual interview. A complete tour of the interview room. Yes, it was on camera and audio.

The detective and her assistant sat with me to introduce themselves and just made enough small talk until I was ready to go ahead or leave. I had a support person with me, but she was not permitted in the interview room.

I did the interview, which actually went much smoother than I expected. I became very emotional at times, but was given full measure of comfort with no time limit being pushed.

I had a piece of paper and a pen and actually drew out the event while speaking. That helped enormously as it have my mind something to focus on and my hands busy.

The detectives later asked several questions that I hadn't thought of.

In the end, nothing came of it for insufficient evidence. The detective did do a full investigation though.

If I could encourage you in any way, just the fact that you're asking these questions is HUGE whether you go through with anything or not. This is a huge step forward for you

Secondly, whether or not you have sufficient evidence yourself, the police might. There may have already been several cases that are yet unresolved. You may be giving them a big piece of the puzzle regardless of the time frame.

I was able to give just 1 crucial piece of information which in the future might prove to be invaluable. You might as well. In a sense, It's a win situation for you.

1. You've gained the confidence to confront the situation yourself. Acknowledge that it happened and not your fault.

2. You're asking very good questions

3. You have support. You've learned that finally there are people who do and will believe you.

4. You no longer have to live in secret. The dark hidden shadow will be lifted within the confines of confidentiality and the right people.

5. You may be adding a piece of the puzzle that may give you tremendous satisfaction. You'll know without a doubt that if not before, then finally after all this time, he is in the system and may have to pay the price for his crimes. You're removing his cloak of anonymity, without his knowledge.

I don't know if any of this will be helpful to you or not. Like I said. Whether you go forward or not, in my opinion you've already achieved a major victory.

All the best to you as you process through some of the info you've got. It's a lot to consider and I'm really sorry that you have to work through this at all.
 
@Sarah12 thank you for allowing me to piggyback on your thred.

Thanks for everyone who shared their experiences, I know we're all scattered all over the world but hearing others stories and ability to speak up helps a lot. Let's me know that eventually it will be OK.

Like @stp2012 said our story can be a piece on puzzle for a bigger story. I know for sure telling my story is going to me a major challange.

My abuser is very well known in our community so i will be subjected to harsh treatment for speaking up. I have to be strong enough to deal with all the police, family, and community. And the process of confronting him is scary as hell. My abuse lasted more then 2 years and other kids were involved.

When one of the girls finally spoke up about it all the adults went against her and her family. They called them attention seekers, crazy, liars, money diggers..etc they were basically push out of the community. No one believed them and whoever did decided its better to hush it up so the community doesnt look bad .. it sucks .
 
@nowthisisme I'm so sorry and angry to hear this. I come from a small community - not even a dot on a map. I well know how these things work.

Even more respect and support to you for considering going ahead with this. I had no idea this is what you're up against.

@Sarah12 , you're up against a lot as well. Personally and family wise. It's huge. I'm cheering for you regardless of what your decision is. There's no wrong choice.
 
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