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Male 41 - Recovering From Abusive Marriage/Wife

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by searching_for_peace, Jul 26, 2007.

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  1. searching_for_peace

    searching_for_peace New Member

    Hello to all

    I am a male aged 41 from Canada trying to get through separation and impending divorce after an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationship with my wife (her to me). We were together for 18 years (2 kids). My soon to be ex-wife conforms to the behavioural traits of and and has a textbook case history for Borderline Personality Disorder (physical and sexual abuse in childhood - continuing into adulthood). My counselor says my soon to be ex-wife's behaviour is consistent with BPD, but of course will not make a "distance diagnosis".

    It has been over a year since I left my wife, but I still suffer from flashbacks, emotional detachment/zoning, problems modulating anger, huge somatic issues (fibromyalgia/body pain), panic attacks, trust issues, sexual dysfunction, blah, blah, blah.

    I found this forum while searching the net for PTSD resources. I have not been officially diagnosed with PTSD. My counselor says she believes it to be a likely possibility that I suffer from Complex PTSD but is not prepared to commit to it because she is worried that it may cause me to create an analytical framework that I would end up slotting things into instead of dealing with the moment.

    My girlfriend is a psychologist and is of the opinion that I suffer from complex PTSD, but will cannot and will not make a "professional pronouncement" on the subject...

    I have read quite a number of books on PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I am currently going through 2 PTSD workbooks and am reading more on the subject.

    It is my hope that by working with/talking to people in this forum I can gain insight to help me overcome or at least live through some of the issues I have.

    jtrag likes this.
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Hi Searching,

    Welcome to the forum.... BPD.............hhhmmmmmmmmmmm sounds so familiar...I have PTSD from abuse as a child, but I have been told by a shrink that my daughter has BPD... As you know it is NOT an easy diagnosis to deal with. No matter what you say, do or think....You're wrong.... They process information always in the negative mode....They are very abusive, angry, demonstrative people to deal with. My heart goes out to you...

    I have not spoken to my daughter or seen my grandchildren in 4 yrs. Our last fight was just to much to handle. I am much better off, as I am sure my daughter is too.

    I suggest that you do tons more reading, but find a good shrink to really find out if you have PTSD or not.

    Again welcome.

    jtrag likes this.
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Welcome to the forum.
    jtrag likes this.
  5. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hey SFP, welcome to the forum. Nice name by the way... objective to what your looking towards. Knowing vs. not knowing whether you have PTSD is actually something nobody can really state either way, more that personally I would rather know so I can atleast get on with working towards the real issue, and not working towards something that maybe I have, or don't have, which really doesn't help you. Part of PTSD is denial, and its a huge one, and in order to heal trauma and learn how to manage PTSD, you must NOT be in denial. A bit hard to not be in denial though if you don't know whether you have it or not.

    I would maybe seek for a professional diagnosis from a shrink, to confirm whether you have PTSD or not. Its a label, nothing more, and you shouldn't read into it any further than what it is... a label for what you already have. Its nothing actually new to you, if you have PTSD, because the label actually doesn't change your issues.

    I think your certainly well informed and your willingness to self educate can do nothing more than benefit you tremendously... well done on your efforts. If only more would take such a keen interest in themselves in order to move past their pain as quickly as possible in order to get on with their life. A few years to heal and learn how to manage PTSD is nothing compared to sticking one's head in the sand for a decade or more and going round in circles, often only ending up much worse. Well done on your efforts, and certainly on the right path to getting through your pain.
    jtrag likes this.
  6. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

    Lets hope you can find some peace here as I believe this is a good place to start you search :)
    jtrag likes this.
  7. skyward_falls

    skyward_falls Member

    I'm a survivor of abuse and rape from a partner (no longer my partner). It takes a great deal of courage and strength to leave a relationship like the one you experienced with your (ex)wife. I'd say it took me a year to even come around to what had happened to me, and another year or so before I sought help. I have to say you are doing remarkably well putting yourself out there to figure out what you're going through.

    I found it helped a lot to have a name to what was happening to me. Then I knew what it was and I could then find a solution to the problem. I had the help of a great psychiatrist (It took me a few of them before I found the right one) and a great therapist.

    I think anybody who lives and experiences violence of any kind, survives, picks themselves back up can overcome anything in life - including PTSD.

    jtrag likes this.
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