Marriage after molestation

Melb

New Here
My husband and I have been married for four years. After roughly one year of marriage, I realized that what I thought was one time of being molested by my stepdad when I was 15 actually happened throughout my childhood from ages 8-12, but I had repressed those memories. I am in therapy but recently stopped taking my medication because it made me feel like a zombie. Things that didn’t bother me while I was medicated, such as him grabbing my butt or boobs randomly, have started to bother me again and I don’t know how to move on from here. I’m going to start my medication back at a lower dose (50mg of Zoloft instead of 200mg) but I also feel guilty for my knee jerk reactions to him touching me. Even though I try to explain, I feel like he doesn’t understand and is offended. I just feel lost all over again.
 

Roland

MyPTSD Pro
This can be difficult to manage, and I’m working through some of the same things with my boyfriend. He has to learn to not take your reaction personally, and you understand that you’re reacting to your past not your current partner. Next a communication system is vital. My boyfriend and I use a traffic light system (red: triggered, don’t touch, step back, yellow: might be getting triggered, (early onset) take it slow and ask first. Green: fully present, proceed. It’s totally okay to ask him to ask you first before he touches you. He may be annoyed with this, but making you feel safe and in the present is pretty much the only way through this, otherwise you will start to feel unsafe around him. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that this shit is hard to work through and even though you may feel you’re being set back, you’re actually moving forward and working through things. You guys have to find your own way with it, maybe you don’t like the traffic light system (I needed a quick one word signal), maybe you want a hand signal, maybe you feel able to use full sentences, or maybe you do or don’t want to have him ask everytime. But he has to support your healing, and you two have to find a way that works.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
It's hard.

Can he find some support for himself?

Do you want him to grab you like that?
If you don't, can you say and also say what you do like?
If you do want him to, but you are triggered, is there a way of working through the trigger so the past doesn't impact how you want to be now?

It's really hard when memories resurface and then impact life now. Still working through that myself.
 
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