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Maus - I am a Dutch Physician With PTSD

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by maus, Mar 13, 2007.

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  1. maus

    maus Active Member

    hello everyone
    I call myself maus I am a physician I am dutch with ptsd
    I joined because I saw another physician here with ptsd
    It is difficult to find a suitable forum
    Just a few days ago a found a dutch forum that just started
    the majority of members are suffering from ptsd due to sexual abuse which is a topic that doesn't relate to my trauma at all.
    Many people also have comorbidity with ptsd, other psychiatry problems, I don't have
    I red a lot on the vietnam vet forum but I don't write messages to them because I want to leave them alone and just learn from them
    In the netherlands a lot of psychiatry problems are now labeled as ptsd or resulting in ptsd or it is additional to their former problems. I don't feel that I belong to that group of people they have other symptoms
    It is difficult to find or start a forum because nobody of us realy wants to talk or say anything about our trauma's like me.
    I like to talk about the problems resulting from the trauma and how to cope.
    My main problem is uncontrolable explosions of anger that realy starts to irritate me because it is endless and going no where
    I have 2 therapeutic counselars and no medication
    I hope do learn a lot from you all en wish you well
    excuse my english if it is not flawless
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Welcome to the forum and I hope you find what you need here. We are a bit of a mix trauma wise, but we are working on the PTSD, not specific traumas as a group though we have to talk about them to get to a better place.

    We all have a variety of comorbid symptoms but I think myself and other will say it is over use of labels.... PTSD is well PTSD.
  4. carpediem2006

    carpediem2006 Active Member

    Hey, your English is amazing as it tends to be for you Dutch folks. It can be hard to find somewhere that 'feels' right. I know that in my case I didn't feel worthy enough, that I was never in a war zone therefore was not worthy enough...a reply from someone on here soon put paid to that (made me realise that this was not the case and my case was worthy).

    You say you are a physician, so you have a big advantage in terms of awareness and learning how this works.

    I understand the anger thing. I have told some people about it, who are likely to manage to anger me, so they know if I walk away, it is because it I need to, and because it is better for both sides.

    Learning to manage behaviour is not as simple as the person explaining it would like to think. They are not in that place. If it was we would all be perfectly organised, all acheive our goals, all learn to learn to a higher level and noone would ever have a negative thought...so baloney to that being an easy one to achieve. But it can slowly be changed. Simply by me realising it's time to walk away....avoiding an explosion....or when having negative thoughts about past events to bring myself back to the moment *as soon as I am able* to appreciate the surroundings around me...and how lucky I am to see them. That I am not in that place in my head, that that place is merely part of personal history.
  5. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. It is a learning place, a venting place and a healing place. You are Welcome....
  6. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Welcome to the forum Maus!

    I would say hello in Dutch.. but i forgot.. lol sorry.

    PTSD is PTSD and the cause don't matter one bit here. I'm sure you will learn lots here and have lots to teach us!

  7. maus

    maus Active Member


    thank you for your kind words and welcoming me
    I am aware that I want to learn from you and that you want to learn from me because of my profession. I believe however that I am incompetent as a physician due to the low selfesteem and the believe that I am damaged goods. My counsellor however dares to differ on that concept in my mind, she says that I am still the same and capable and good at my work (?) It could be a therapeutic intervention from her side :) It could also be true.
    Anyway I know a lot. I am familiar on both sides of the equation now unfortunately. However as a physician I rely on science as a patient I rely on you. Patients tell us what is the matter and we try with trial and errror to do someting about it. PTSD is to complex and a relatively new problem we know little about if it weren't for the patients to tell us about it. Lots have been written about what is going on with the patients but almost nothing what to do about it. Some theories about changes seen in the brain. But what does that say, what does that mean. How is that going to explain and help. All there is now is what we already knew. Therapeutic interventions. Meds? Aren't there, we use some existing ones only to attack well known symptoms. Is it a disease or a normal response of "normal" people in abnormal situations. If it is not a disease should we cure it than? Or stay away from it and guide people through the ordeal.
    I know as much as you do. I have heard from people that contact and info from other patients is much more helpfull than the professional help they get or don't get. Partners in distress. All we know at this moment is what you all tell us. I can however read the science papers and understand them and for that matter I know and understand more than you. I can answer those questions. I can look it up and interpret it in non medical terms and explain. For example medications. But for that matter I also rely on the organisations and magazines to publish their findings on the internet. It only makes more sense to me what they write down :) But to translate that in something usefull for myself to help and cure myself is a whole different story.
  8. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    hey. welcome to the forum, maus. you will find a lot of support and information here.
  9. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    hi maus. welcome to the forum.
  10. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member


    I did not mean learn from you proffesionaly (although it would be nice :biggrin: )

    What I meant was that we teach each other through our PTSD. I will come up with different things you will not have thought of or tried and you will come up with things that I have not thought of or tried!

    See? Easy as pie.. So nice to have you here!

  11. maus

    maus Active Member


    Sigh of relieve

    Thnx for the learning explanation, I learn more from the stories of you all than I have learned from my study and experiences as a physician. I too am searching the web for answers and clues.
    Thank god you don’t see me as an expert that would really cause a lot of stress. I don’t mind answering questions but more voluntarily than mandatory because I should know it all. I am only an expert in what I go through on a daily basis :smile:
  12. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Hehe, I'm glad your relived!

    Living it everyday means you know more about it than any other doc!!

    Please click on this link and read it: [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/forum8/announcement16.html[/DLMURL]

    Keep this in mind.. you are NOT obligated to take time out for anyone, nor give advice. It's up to you. You do what you are comfortable with and what you have the time for..

    :) bec
  13. map9

    map9 Active Member

    Welcome maus!

    How fortunate we are to have found this place! Anyone can have PTSD. It does does not recognize age, color, religion, location, intelligence, race, creed or affliation. It is a spectrum of symptoms. It can lay dormant for years and spring forth with one small "trigger" unbeknownst to the victim of it's deceptive machinations. Rather like a detective within a mystery they, the victims of PTSD, are attempting to solve, ruminate on clues and ponder the ramifications. Your angry outbursts come from frustration born of fear. That may help a little. I read this a few years ago and though it seems quite simple, it profoundly changed my thoughts about me and my severe lack of self esteem.

    The elephants were rounded up into a rock solid enclosure. Each was separated from the herd. There, in an isolated place, the elephant was restrained in a most cruel way. Nearly starved, little or no water, chained by huge links to a formidable giant iron ring. No amount of struggling, even to the point of bleeding and deep scars from the chains digging into the tough hide gave relief. Trumpeting long and hard gave way to to heavy breathing and then collapse. This scenario was repeated over and over again. Then one day as the training sessions ceased, the will of the great and noble beast was broken. Now, instead of a huge heavy chain padlocked to a great iron ring only a small rope of little true strength was now used to hold the elephant in place. The will and the mind set of the animal had been changed, it was dramatic and it was forever within, as the elephant would never ever forget.

    This story was like PTSD. It had changed my mind and the actual brains and it's chemicals it so naturally produced and produces, it had long term effects and though I too am a noble being, I was "chained" and changed by the events that had traumatized me. I realized that by having low or little self esteem I was bowing to the "cruel master" of PTSD. That I had a will and an inner fortitude that could serve, not just me but others and through helping others I redeemed myself from the "ties that bind" and made me feel as if I were less of a person. I am no better than nor am I worse than any other person. I am just me. I will take what there is of me and make the very best of me that I can. It will be a difficult task at times. I will argue with myself and fight aginst my own ego. I will and do have to deal with these incidents on a moment by moment basis.

    May you find peace and joy within your own self, take hold of the good moments and cherish them as they are the gifts most precious we can store up and remember. They will begin to outweigh the dark and heavy stones of PTSD or of regret or incidents we are ashamed of or where fear grips us tenaciously. Each moment is a new one and there you alone can exercise your free will. To cast off, like chains, the downward spiral of negative thoughts. You are a most fortunate individual with gifts of healing within waiting to help others. Now, use them upon your own self, in order to help them. Meditate on the good and there will not be so much room in your mind for the bad. Smile more, wake each day in a state of wonder and gratitude than one of depression and angst. It will be difficult these new changes, and yes, you will falter and have doubts but know that this is only one moment, there is another moment coming, with it we can renew our challenge to change.

    Thank you for joining us. Love, map9
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