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Me and My Best Friend

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trukevoli

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Ever since i was 14 i had a best friend. I was going out with his best friend and there was a group of us who were all very close.
I used to get really drunk and then stay round my best friends house. We started off just kissing and he used to tell me how much he loved me, all my friends used to go off to get stoned but i didnt enjoy it so he used to stay with me. whenever i was upset he would try kissing me and i always could tell how much he cared and i believed that one day i might. We started doing more stuff but that only happened when i was drunk, and usually upset.
that went on for about a year and a half, after that i told him that i think it was going to far and i didnt want to stay round his anymore. he was ok with this and it all stopped. we carried on as if nothing happened and it was all ok. then one night i decided to stay at his again and got so drunk i passed out, i remember coming round and i had no trousers on and then woke up in the morning and he ddnt say anything. i took it to be just me drunk and i probably started it whilst i was awake.
then over the next year it happened alot, i was 16 when i knew that he had had sex with me when i was passed out. but i couldnt prove it and thought maybe it was my fault i didnt understand how my best friend could do it, in everyway he was a perfect friend i trusted him so much. i knew i shouldnt have stayed over there but he was my best friend i kept thinking it wouldnt happen again.
i decided to talk to the other girl of the group and told her all about it and she said she couldnt believe what happened. i stopped talking my him for a while and seeing him but then when we started talking i felt he had changed he said sorry and i honestly believed him.
i stayed over his and fell asleep and he did it then, this time i knew for sure i was too scared to do anything i couldnt scream or hit him and i didnt want to wake his mum and make her hate him. i knew it had to stop but then i was on my period and made that very clear to him, so i felt ok to stay over the next morning i woke up with the tampon lodged inside of me. i ran out and threw up everywhere it all became real i knew i didnt lead him on or anything. i went straight to my friends who knew about it and told her it happened again, at first she was really understanding, but then asked me to call him because he would answer the phone to me and she wanted weed.
i didnt know what to do after that, it seemed like it cant have been that much of a big deal.
i told him i hated him and if he even tried to talk to me i would tell everyone.
he said he had realised what he done and we came to an understanding and it was all ok. i started seeing a guy who i got on with so well. i told him everything that went on and he then started getting really jealous. we started arguing more but i wud not stop talking to my best friend. noone had been there for me like he had. so i decided to break up with my boyfriend as all we did was argue so he decided to tell all my friends everything that happened.
me and my best friend then had a talk and i felt so bad for letting it happen i thought everyone would hate him but they all seemed to be ok with it. so it didnt seem like an issue anymore.
when me and my best friend sat down to talk one night he started crying telling me how he never meant to hurt me and that he just loved me, he thentold me how his dad abused him when he was younger and his mum divorced him but that was it and his dad wont talk about it. i went back to his so we could carry on talking and stayed on the sofa. when he thought i was asleep he sat there saying how perfect i am and how he loves me. that was when i was 18.
nothing as happened since and i try not to spend time with him but i cant seem to break ties with him. i dont know what im meant to do. i hate him so much every part of me wishes he was dead. yet he is my best friend.
 
You've been betrayed in a very deep way. If he's serious about being sorry, he will go get help. Is he in therapy? If he refuses, then you may wish to cut him out of your life completely. If he is in therapy, then you can give it some time and then ask yourself if you'd like to speak to him. Don't feel obligated.

Also, consider if you need therapy. Very important.
 
Trukevoli when i i was between the ages of 13-15 i had a similar set up to you,round my mates house all his sisters friend s would come round with booze and we would get up to things as teenagers do,experimenting.But never did i take advantage of the girls who were with me,no meant no and if they were to drunk one of us would look out for that person.I do not mean to be harsh but your so called friend betrayed your friendship and has done countless times.In my book there is no excuse for his actions,abused or not.From my experience,abusers have a knack of making the abused feel as if they are the guilty one and thus the cycle continues.
You have to look after yourself,take care
 
I think its hard because you look at him as your "best friend" although what he did was very very wrong. It wasn't your fault, it was his and frankly, although I know how hard this can be, its better if you do cut him out of your life.

If you feel you can't do this, tell him to seek therapy. Since he was abused, he probably has a lot of things he needs resolved and may be repeating the cycle. So I think he should get therapy as well.

Also you should consider your feelings in all this, do you love him? Ok, maybe you do and maybe you don't but in any case you need to really evaluate this and see whether the feelings are legit or not. And I agree with karma, getting therapy yourself would be good too. It will allow you to sort out your feelings with what happened and help you to see it in a new light.

(I still feel what he did was very very very wrong).
 
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