Medical Medical ptsd/ Needle phobia


New Here
As a child I had many traumatic events in hospitals. I was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect. Fortunately, I did not need surgery.

Now, my problem is that I can't do blood tests and injections. I have a problem with the medical needles.
I don't know if I have a needle phobia or medical ptsd.
If I have to do an injection or a blood test I cry very hard. My main problem is crying. I feel a great fear and I cry. I can't stop crying for an hour or 2.

Since childhood I developed a fetish for medical needles. Sometimes I masturbate and have an orgasm watching videos with people receiving injections or taking a blood test. I stung myself with medical needles. I didn't cry, I was excited. I did this as a systematic desensitization to overcome my fear of needles, it didn't work.
Does the medical needle fetish indicate a needle phobia or medical ptsd?
How can I find out if I have a needle phobia or medical ptsd?
Thank you!
(Sorry for the language mistakes, english is not my native language.)


Based on what you've said here, it's most likely a phobia of needles.
How can I find out if I have a needle phobia or medical ptsd?
The best way to find out is to see a mental health professional and get their expert opinion.

I'm sorry for the intense fear you experience - it's terrible to feel that afraid and anxious. So I hope you don't think I'm telling you that a phobia is "less than" PTSD. They are just very different things, and can be treated differently as well.

The most important thing is to figure out how to get help. How likely is that, for you, where you are?