Meltdowns. Ante up!

[Friday]

I completely lost my mind, yesterday.

Just one too many things. At exactly the wrong moment. Tick. Tick. BOOM.

The most ridiculous part of it? All I wanted to do today was make spring rolls and watch a silly mooooovie. Bwaaaaaaah.

Even in the moment, I knew exactly what was happening, why it was happening, and yet? Rather than not flying apart at the seams I decided to tone lock on the spring rolls and movie. (Could’ave been the toilet paper on “backwards”. Whatever nonsense has decided to lead the charge). Which were soooooo not gonna happen at this point, and also completely beside the point (hullo Avoidance! I’m narrowing my eyes, at you). I couldn’t have tied my shoes at this point, and it was one of those no holds barred disasters that don’t just f*ck my today, but at least my tomorrow, if not longer.

It’s PTSD. It happens.

Doing better, means it rarely happens, but hey.

Just figured I’d create a space for… Oh f*ck ME… This??? Again???

To snicker at, or “Oh, yeah! Check THIS shit out!”… rather than be crushed by.

 

[somerandomguy]

Yeah, this happens to me, too.

Unfortunately with a wife and kids around, they usually end up bearing the brunt of it. And then I'm an abusive asshole for screaming. I gave up promising them it would get better, because for a long time it never did (and promising it will get better and then doing it again is part of the abuse cycle).

The problem is that the only acceptable amount of times to have a blowup is zero. So I keep playing around with my mood stabilizers and trying to remove myself from situations where a blowup is possible. When I start to feel grumpy, I hit the cannabis when possible. I've been doing better, and have for years now. But zero is the only acceptable number, and I just can't get there.

I admit I'm not very good at managing my overall stress levels and have been working on that.

 

[caroline_13]

It happens. I do my best to deep breathe and it helps some. Fear of dying alone from a germ I catch from touching a public doorhandles gets me, sometimes.

 

[Freida]

Car keys here I come!!!!

Yep - even after all the years of therapy it's my go to when there's a total meldown
I just can't get it thru my head that "blowups" and "meltdowns" are normal human responses to supercrap stuff

Just figured I’d create a space for… Oh f*ck ME… This??? Again???

To snicker at, or “Oh, yeah! Check THIS shit out!”… rather than be crushed by.

Love this! Its' like when I tell hubby I woke up stooopid. Not stupid. Stoopid. And yes, there's a difference. Somedays I can blow it off to just a bad ptsd day, and some day it wins. But the take away is that I'm getting better at recognizing it - even if I can't stop it.

 

[Roland]

Thank you for sharing this. It's very real, and I think a lot of us can relate. Sometimes it's really comforting knowing it happens to others too.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think (for me) it is impacted a lot by exhaustion, illness, and especially grief.

Not glad you had to go through it @Friday but glad as always someone understands. It is important to not beat yourself up. Hugs to you. (Am likely myself to make banana muffins next, vs thinking or feeling.. )

 

[seshprinny]

I had a few meltdowns over the last 2 weeks, but it had been so long since I had had one. They really scare me. I usually feel intense shame following one. Always nice to know I'm not alone in this struggle. Sending lots of warm thoughts your way

 

[gealach]

Grocery shopping with mom this week, and the cart was filled to the brim, literally to the brim. No, we're not putting one more thing in there, AKA precariously balancing it on top of Mount Shopping Cart. I just wanted a normal shopping trip, not shopping cart jenga. I'm done, let's go! it's too peopley in here, you know I don't people unless I'm at work!!! stop.putting.things.in.the.cart!!!!

Me to brain: must not lose your crap in the tomato aisle!!!!

what do you mean there's no chili chocolate???? now everyone must die!!!!!

 

[Miyu38]

Yes everyone has there meltdowns. That's why in stores or whatever people get in to random fights cause the person forgot the drink when really it has nothing to do with the drink.

My meltdowns most of the time are internalize in my body or mind. I can't allow my self to fly off the handle. I need to look calm and act calm but screaming and blowing up inside. I can't even talk loud cause when I hear my own voice I'm thinking I'm talking to loud so I lower it and people can't hear me now.

One I started at my first real job thats when I started having bad meltdowns.
One time they want to follow people around to see if we're doing are jobs right. The person keep as I was going in they would follow me, then follow me out over and over. I started slowing down cause it was to much for me to handle. Everytime the guy would ask me to do something it would just be a no and I would keep on going to wear I stopped responding to him. So his supervisor had to come over and after a talk they compromised with me. I'm still at that place how they put up with all my nonsense. Most of my meltdowns are not verbal just body language.

Grocery shopping with mom this week, and the cart was filled to the brim, literally to the brim. No, we're not putting one more thing in there, AKA precariously balancing it on top of Mount Shopping Cart. I just wanted a normal shopping trip, not shopping cart jenga. I'm done, let's go! it's too peopley in here, you know I don't people unless I'm at work!!! stop.putting.things.in.the.cart!!!!

Me to brain: must not lose your crap in the tomato aisle!!!!

what do you mean there's no chili chocolate???? now everyone must die!!!!!

Ugh I hate shopping with others. I like my basket organized. Frozen stuff with frozen stuff in a neat stack with milk or whatever holding it in place so it won't fall. I been like that since I was a kid always making sure everything was neat. I guess it was one of the things I could control and never got in trouble for.
The longer I been in Therapy the more things I see that looked normal was not.

 

[caroline_13]

I think (for me) it is impacted a lot by exhaustion, illness, and especially grief.

Not glad you had to go through it @Friday but glad as always someone understands. It is important to not beat yourself up. Hugs to you. (Am likely myself to make banana muffins next, vs thinking or feeling.. )

Banana muffins sound really good right now.

 

[Freddyt]

Anybody want some nice made from scratch hashbrowns?

The OJ they are soaked in doesn't do it for me.......

I have hurt people with anger and tend to keep a lot of it in (yeah I know - but with Addisons my BP needs all the help it can get.....) so usually its just a "manic meltdown moment" when I stop functioning. Things usually go really wrong because I'm not there anymore. Nowdays I can just leave it and if I'm ok later than good if not my wife knows whats going on and helps me out.

Usually pretty much done for the day at that point and its turn out the lights, take high dose headache killers and watch Looney Tunes time......

 

[Friday]

The OJ they are soaked in doesn't do it for me.......

LMFAO

Because I have done exactly that.

The same day you don’t even wanna know what I squeezed in my toothbrush and stuck in my mouth. OMFG. It was not a day for wins. No matter how small.