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Memories Of A Childhood Friend?

Discussion in 'Death' started by twodogcircus, Feb 19, 2017.

  1. twodogcircus

    twodogcircus New Member

    A few times in my adult life I've recalled very limited memories of a childhood friend. The memories seem insignificant but I feel so strongly that there's more to them.

    I do know a few things for sure. His name was Matt. He was diagnosed with Leukemia when we were in 1st grade. He passed away in 2nd grade.

    Most frequently, I remember the two of us sitting in desks next to each other in our 2nd grade classroom. I think we both have our elbows on the desks and we're leaning our heads close together and talking quietly. I also have a memory of us reading to each other in our 1st grade class.

    After he began his treatment for Leukemia he gained a significant amount of weight and lost all his hair. I remember most of the other kids in our class stopped talking to him and wouldn't go near him because they were afraid they would get sick too. But his illness and changed appearance never bothered me.

    Whenever I recall these memories, I overwhelmingly feel that he and I were best friends. I know he was important to me. But then I can't figure out why I don't have more memories of him.

    I think I feel sadness at his death now but thinking back I can't recall feeling any sadness at the time he passed away. I don't even remember finding out he passed away. I know someone told me but I can't remember who it was or where I was when I found out and that seems like something I should remember.

    I'm so confused about this. Sometimes I feel like I've completely made these memories up but they're so vivid and have such strong feelings attached to them that I don't know how I could've made them up. Or why.

    Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Tell me I'm not crazy, please...
    Ronin and littleoc like this.
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  3. Freedomfighter

    Freedomfighter I'm a VIP

    When I was in first grade, a schoolmate died, a boy that us girls did not like. He was loud, brash. But that death never left me, right before xmas, he was killed by a car after his mom sent him out shopping. Crossed that busy street many times myself. So long ago, very vivid in my mind, remember the whole class in the cemetary, still remember how upset his friends were.
    littleoc likes this.
  4. twodogcircus

    twodogcircus New Member

    Do you have any thoughts about why his death has stayed with you so vividly for such a long time? Have you talked to any of your friends about their memories of this? Are the memories you have of that time pretty linear? Or do they seem disjointed? If you're not comfortable answering, I understand. Sorry to stir those memories up for you.

    This all boiled up again for me last night. I was looking up some medical terms and I ran across a blog written in 2010 by a 23 year old man fighting Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. It's not very long (which is tragic) but I learned a LOT while reading it. I apparently can't post a link to it but that might be for the best. I spent all of last night hysterically crying because of it.

    But one thing I learned from that blog was that taking corticosteroids (which is a part of early treatment for Leukemia, as I understand it) can cause something called moon face. Moon face is a medical sign in which the face develops a rounded appearance due to fat deposits on the sides of the face. And as soon as I read that it was like I got punched in the face with all these old memories again. The friend I spoke of in my initial post didn't actually gain weight. His face looked chubby because he was taking corticosteroids as part of his treatment and he had moon face. Cue more hysterical crying.
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