S
Shel
I’ve decided against disconnecting; and have spent the last few years trying to keep my brain in the moment and open to dealing with the pain as it resurfaces.
But knowledge of a memory crawled out from the deep. One I wasn’t ready to even contemplate existing; and in hindsight I know this has been trying to rise to the surface for at least a week before it got spat out in the middle of a train of thought.
I let my imagination run wild, and the thought… all I thought was she pulled a gun on me.
Everything inside me cracked and cried and screamed as soon as soon as it resonated. And I curled into myself almost going to the floor.
And I know it’s information I have to work through and deal with; but I refuse to dissociate out of it and risk going back to what it was to disconnect. But I don’t know any other tricks; I keep bouncing back and forth from shock to hyperventilating.
I guess the only reason I’m here is cause I can’t comprehend where to start or what’s next. I mean what do you do with the fact that your mother pulled a gun on you?
How do you sit there in fear of the actual memory following it to the surface?
How do I stop the stopping and just let break finish happening?
But knowledge of a memory crawled out from the deep. One I wasn’t ready to even contemplate existing; and in hindsight I know this has been trying to rise to the surface for at least a week before it got spat out in the middle of a train of thought.
I let my imagination run wild, and the thought… all I thought was she pulled a gun on me.
Everything inside me cracked and cried and screamed as soon as soon as it resonated. And I curled into myself almost going to the floor.
And I know it’s information I have to work through and deal with; but I refuse to dissociate out of it and risk going back to what it was to disconnect. But I don’t know any other tricks; I keep bouncing back and forth from shock to hyperventilating.
I guess the only reason I’m here is cause I can’t comprehend where to start or what’s next. I mean what do you do with the fact that your mother pulled a gun on you?
How do you sit there in fear of the actual memory following it to the surface?
How do I stop the stopping and just let break finish happening?