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Mental illness and high functioning

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Lost Marbles

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This subject is a pet peeve of mine being I am labeled as being high functioning. I'm told this fairly often by persons in the mental health industry. They say it like it is a compliment, they don't seem to understand that it is actually a curse (at least for me) even after I try to explain this to them. For me, high functioning is a survivor skill no different than avoidance, disassociation, hypervigilance or any number of other skills learned to survive our traumas.
I was just wondering what other peoples takes are on this subject.
 
Best thing is I have cash to pay for therapy.

Worst thing is that everyone thinks I’m so capable that they just lump me with more stuff. And they are just so used to me coping that they collapse away when I don’t. Yeah, yeah, boundaries...

But I agree. It’s avoidance plain and simple for me. When I get pushed in therapy I deflect and avoid. When I get pushed beyond that I dissociate. Simples. Can’t seem to find a middle ground.

Also agree that it’s better than the alternative.
 
So I am an over achiever. My mother (who I believe has NPD) raised me to over achieve.
She expected perfection, yet I have disabilities that effect my learning like ADHD, I had to get straight A's.
She would make everything about who I was.
If I was not perfect I was selfish.
She would with hold love if I was not always perfect.
My step father was physically abusive and threatening and if I got hurt by him it was my fault as I was responsible for not setting him off. She did not tolerate any negative emotion at all. If I was sad then I was selfish. It is hard to express sadness and anger in therapy because I am worried about rejection.
So, I struggle with severe perfectionism and crippling self hate.
I struggle with severe hypervigilience thinking I am going to die if I make a mistake, which is often. My adrenals are shot.
So, I appear high functioning.
I will sometimes let myself get really bad, have a lot of suicidal thoughts and come to my T with this and this is a relief.

I think a big part of me really is high functioning because I was born with a good emotional intelligence, but I have emotional disregulation. Its an interesting combo. I almost went into psychology, but didn't because of my PTSD.
In a way I am grateful because my mother did push me so hard. I think "high functioning" can be called "grit".
 
This subject is a pet peeve of mine being I am labeled as being high functioning. I'm told this fa...
I would consider myself a high functioning crazy person... lol. It is one of the reasons I haven't jumped off a bridge or run away. Now I am a parent and that takes over some, but I still stay extremely busy doing lots of things and almost over scheduling because quiet time allows my mind to think too much...
 
So I am an over achiever. My mother (who I believe has NPD) raised me to over achieve.
She expected p...
I hear you on so many levels, I have Dyslexia, my Dad pushed me towards perfection. He's Bi-Polar and possibly NPD ad OCD. He's also a perfectionist. My father was both physically and verbally abusive and both my parents showered me with an abundance of emotional neglect.

There are several emotions that I was taught were forbidden for me to express, one of those is anger. Every time I express anger, I feel ashamed and I apologize for doing so.

I also considered a career in psychology, but figured I was to messed up in the head to be able to be any good to help others, so I went into engineering.
 
@mumstheword and @Chiqui you two are exactly my point. You both were high functioning and now you are not. I'm going to go out on a limb here and venture to guess it is because while you were high functioning, you struggled to get the help you felt you needed. Eventually you succumbed to your illness. I can only imagine how the two of you feel, but if it were me in your situation, I think I would be feeling like it is to little to late. It saddens me to know that this is allowed to happen and wish I could do something to change it.
 
@Lost Marbles . Yes that is what's happened. I haven't given up on myself, though, I am a very tenacious soul. I just have a lot more work to do to get the appropriate supports and assistance and treatment for a time, a concentrated time, before my functionality will improve. It's not the end of the line, it's just the beginning of a concerted effort to obtain what's needed and I can't work or study until the necessary recovery is achieved. It is what it is. I'm just grateful I'm still alive, for if there's still breath there's hope, I believe.
What I do know about myself is that I'm incredible durable and more resilient and commited than not. I know this because I've achieved so much, under incredibly stressful and oftentimes abusive circumstances and I remain a person of integrity, honesty and inner resourcefulness.

It takes a strong will and determination and persistence and enough motivation and self-regard to keep going, do what one can do for oneself and don't give up searching for the right supports.

Like you, I've had a lot of the shabby, not-care by professionals that have a duty of care and I know how breaking and damaging that can be, but hang in there! Keep speaking you truth and just don't give up, on yourself or your quest to get what you need for recovery. I hope you are tapping in inside of yourself, giving yourself the care you can and accepting what you can't yet do, because it's a journey and it can take many years.

At least you have the resource of the internet, much of my worst years of suffering I only had my faith and determination. Oftentimes we are much more enduring and resourceful then we realize til we are pushed to the absolute limit and have to dig, deep inside ourselves to find the strength and wit to keep going.
 
Been both, currently low functioning. Working hard as I can to be high functioning again, it’s just a bit hard with agoraphobia and having trouble leaving the house.

If you’re high functioning? Hang onto that as long and hard as you can. Low functioning tends to bring with it a whole lotta poverty, and everything is harder (putting it mildly) when you live below the poverty line.
 
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