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Mentally abusive parent causing depression and anxiety.

Thread starter #1
I have a mentally abusive dad.I am 14 and it has gotten worse as I have gotten older, the only person in my life that actually cares about me is my mom now. It all started about a year ago: my dad would pick on me try to make me mad etc, when it turned into abuse. He started asking me questions such as: “what are you going to be when you grow up?” No matter what I answered I would always get the reply of: “that’s never going to happen. You are not good enough to get a job like that or: that is such a stupid choice you are so dumb. I have always been so stressed in life I never get sleep or enjoy my normal activity’s. I have told my mom but when he is around he treats me like he loves me more than anything else. Than it started getting worse: “you had better be good for your mom tomorrow or I am going to have a major talk with you.” I always start crying my eyes out it hurts me so much. My mom has even heard it and told him to stop. She said if she could ever get it on camera she would leave him. Next it went to just random sentences like: “did you know you are such a awful person?!You are such a *****. “ can someone please tell me what do? I have become so depressed, anxious and sad all the time. Thank you ❤️
 
#2
Welcome to the forums!
So sorry you’re having such hard time! Sounds like a real stressor, your dad. I just can’t fathom how people can treat their kids like that! Seriously.

If you’re constantly stressed, can’t sleep properly and can’t enjoy your normal activities, those are signs of a situation that’s not okay. You shouldn’t have to be stressed out by bad treatment from your parent.

I’m afraid I don’t have any real advice. Do you have an adult you could talk to outside your family? Any safe teachers, aunts/uncles, anyone? Or could you approach your mum telling her how the situation impacts you? The feelings, insomnia, constant stress... Sometimes carefully describing the effect a thing has on you leads to better outcome than merely stating what the other person is doing.

Sorry, I don’t seem to have any words of wisdom. Keep us posted. And again, welcome!
 
#3
That sounds really tough and I'm sorry it is happening to you.
You shouldn't have to experience this. Or carry it around on your own.
If you feel you can, I would tell someone about it. Like a teacher. And your Mum again.

Your Mum and your Dad need to talk this through. If your Mum can't for whatever reason, you might need some help from outside the family.
Your Dad needs to change his behaviour. This isn't on you.
 
#4
She said if she could ever get it on camera she would leave him.
Not trying to be harsh but I wouldn't count on this.

Not sure where u live but most places have a kids help line. Call them.

If your school has a counsellor, next time yer back in school go see them. They should be able to help with other resources to help too.

And I would stick by yer mom as much as possible and avoid your dad if you can.

Also, try and realize his hostility and other bullshits not about you- its about him. He's being a dick because he's lacking something and taking it out on you, making you feel worthless and dumb is because he does. It's not actually because you are.

Sorry yer dad's such a jerk.
 
Thread starter #5
Thank you everyone. I am homeschooled so I don’t have any teachers to talk to, the only other person is my older sister but she is 30 and living across the country so it makes it hard to talk to her other than over the phone,witch my dad sometimes gets mad about. We have the same mom but different dads so she doesn’t understand what I am going through. I have talked to my mom but she always says there isn’t much to do about my dad, and when she talks to him he gets all offensive and says he didn’t do anything and it makes everything worse for me. This morning after I woke up he can running into my room screaming at me because I didn’t answer my phone when he called witch for some reason it didn’t come through He is on My VIP list so it will ring through my do not disturb. He told me I was ignoring him on purpose and if this happens one more time he is taking my phone away for a month. (this is the first time I have not answered the phone when he has called.)My mom said she didn’t here it wring either an it did not show up on my missed calls list either, so of course he said that I probably deleted his call of the history witch I don’t even know how to do. My life has just become miserable with constantly being yelled at, being told I am a bad girl, being told I am a awful person, it is non stop. I dread the end of the day when he gets home from work and when he has weeks off from work. I don’t know how much more of this I am going to be able to take, I am just miserable and I have always had anxiety but it has gotten so much worse.
 
#7
I have a teenage daughter. And i read the last post before you erased it. So I'm just gonna write here what I would want someone to tell her if she was the one on here writing what you've wrote.


Since it sounds like you're not getting much support from your mom on this, you really need to be your own advocate.

Search out stuff, or have the relative you mentioned, that lives far away help you search out support for teenagers with abusive parents.

Do you have a friend you're allowed to visit who's parents are also not friends with your dad? Or either of your parents?

It's hard talking to people about this kind of stuff and a lot of people aren't in a position to help, can't help or have no idea how to help but the other posts are right. You don't deserve it.

If you can, really take charge of researching support for yourself.

Hang in there kay?
 
#8
Hi @ZeldaPuppy , your dad is the one with the problem, not you. He obviously has mental problems and he's taking it out on you. That's not your problem it's his. Can you tell a school counsellor or phone a crisis line for support? Your mom seems to be on your side. Keep posting on here for advice and support. Best wishes to you S3.
 
#9
Just wanted to add: if you follow our advice and tell someone, asking for help, and it turns out futile or even leaves you feeling bad about yourself, please don’t get discouraged. It’s commonplace to get less than perfect reactions from adults when you tell them you’re being abused by your folks. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is. (Why? Because the world sucks that way.)

So, reach out and keep on reaching out. Till you get what you need. And please, do not believe you don’t deserve help and support, no matter what happens, kay?
 
Thread starter #11
As I mentioned before I am homeschooled so my mom is pretty much the only person I can talk to right now, and sense I can only FaceTime and call my sister it makes it harder to have a conversation about this without him hearing and getting mad or my mom asking why I am calling her about this. I am going to start staying closer to my mom when he is home so hopefully it will help control some of the things he says, but I am afraid of what he is going to do while I am asleep and my mom isn’t there. This has happened before when I was asleep one night and he came in and started yelling at me after he had come home and I didn’t even bother to get up to see him and how bad I was. Right now he is at work so I am going to tell my mom about this. Thank you everyone for all the support ❤️
 
#12
I grew up with a violent and abusive alcoholic father. He was constantly shouting and coming into rooms with threatening behaviour. It terrified me. Do whatever you need to ,to stay safe.
 
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