Met someone while going through panic and hypervigilence attack


A few weeks ago I went to my aa meeting and someone new was there and said hi to me. At the time I was having a trauma anniversary and became very hypervigilant and panicked. To the point of wanting to run screaming out of there because every noise was louder to me and people walking above in the church were suddenly my parents coming to get me and force me to go through the event again.

I took out my lanyard on my keys and ran it through my fingers to re direct my brain and try to convince myself this group of people won't let my parents have me. Then this person walked in and said hi. I wasn't doing well so did my best to say hi back without screaming.

I apologised the next meeting and said I was having a hard time and why. She seemed ok. The next week she said I was mean. I don't know what to do with that. I'm kind to almost everyone. And others have described me as nice as well.

She looked like an interesting person to get to know. Next meeting is tonight. Anyone have any advice?


Just be yourself. :D

You already apologised for having a bad day. That’s your side of the street sorted. No need to start fawning all over her attempting to manipulate her into liking you, or acting out abuse scripts (you didn’t abuse her, so there’s no need to fall all over yourself in that role, nor is she your abuser that you have to keep pleased with you at all costs). She seems like an interesting person to get to know. That’s all. It would be a shame if she’s an inflexible grudge holder who can’t allow anyone a human moment, but if so? That’s her life, and her responsibility to change the way she views/treats people... or not, if she’s happy with how she sees & interacts with the world...not your responsibility to push her to where you want her to be.

One of those “meetings are a great place to practice boundaries and healthy relationships”... since most people are unhealthy and have terrible boundaries, but are working on them.

Seriously... for all you know, she was fine with being snapped at but freaks the hell out with apologies, or views people who snap as strong confident people to trust, and people who apologize as manipulative predators, rather than viewing snapping as bad behavior and apologizing as right. But regardless of what she believes about you? Or life in general? You know you’re not mean. So whether or not she thinks you’re mean or the bees knees, being secure in your own estimation of yourself? Is the thing to practice, here, IMO.


How are feeling tonight? If you are feeling your most at neutral be spontaneous as much as you can be. If you are feeling down, focus on your breath and relaxation of your nerves. Cannot say much about her. Focus on yourself f to be truly just you.