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Mind control, brainwashing

  • Thread starter Deleted member 44579
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Deleted member 44579

Hi does anyone else believe in mind control.... Projects like mkultra?... Illuminati?... New world order.... I got a new book from santa... Trance formation of America. The true story of Cathy O'brien.

The reason I'm asking is in part... I was drugged when I was abused... Attacked... And always told no one will believe you.. And told by a parent you're nothing, useless, ugly, fat,.... No one will ever like you..... Isn't this a firm of brainwashing...?... Because I believed it.

When I read life stories.. On here alot often people believe they are nothing or deserved the abuse?... Because they were told that... Brainwashed.. Maybe not to the extent of mkultra... But definitely destroying a part of you?... Interested to know what you guys think?
 
So I often arrive at this term in my own abuse processing. My mother saw me as an extension of herself and raised me to be like her. I always failed at it and was the family f*ck up. This is what I believe. But this is not true.
An example of this would be all of the insults she would give me how stupid, selfish, and disorganized I was. I believed this and still do, but really I was fulfilling a role, a storyline for her needs. I was supposed to be the scapegoat, the failure. I was failing because I was not as good as her, but if I just tried hard enough I could be good.
It was always there in her words and messages.
Today, I struggle with such dissonance and identity loss. My mother blamed me for everything like my father's alcoholism, my step father's rage, a boyfriend's rage at me, my miscarriages when I was older was blamed on me being a "bad house wife" (not true).
She blamed me for being molested, that I was creative and mischievous and thus drew the molester towards me. When really I was likely picked and groomed because my mother was not paying attention to me.
She would always reiterate how lucky I was to have her. How she saved me and is the very best mother. How messed up I would be if it were not for her and her interventions.
So I get confused and consumed by pain and fear when my therapist tries to gently underscore my mother as an abuser. I think, "No, she is not! She saved me! She is the best mother! I am the one who is the monster!"
It is ironic because she married a crazy man who constantly had rage and wanted me dead.
She would just wave him off. "Oh, stop picking on her!" He had a cold, steely look in his eyes and was literally trying to kill me. But she would just half heartedly shoo him away.
I was then blamed for this and she would be the perfect mom "trying to fix and soothe my step father" when I am just so upsetting to him.
What did I do? I left a light on.
So, I still feel as though I brought on and deserved every abuse and that my mother is beautiful and perfect. When in reality she brought all the abuse to me and abused me herself.

I think that is a form of brain washing or gas lighting.
 
I feel we all were 'brainwashed'. A baby is not born knowing they are bad and wrong... that is why, in most cases, recovery is so hard, we have 'unlearn' the things that were said or beat into us... if that's all we know, how can we just drop everything and say, Oh well, that was all lies... our abusers were very good at what they did, but survivors do turn into thrivers !!! That's why peer support is so important... it's hard work, but we do start to find 'the good' in us, and we build on that....

I have wondered many times on this journey, why they didn't just go ahead and kill me, and put me out of their misery... but they were using us to keep themselves alive... so, we just keep on keepin' on.... and slowly but surely, we learn it was lies... and we find purpose in our lives... and we win.... the very best revenge is getting well.... they didn't destroy our spirit.... on some of my worst days, I would simply tell myself, I can't see the world around me because of the pain... but I AM GOING TO WIN..... whatever it takes... don't let them win.
 
So I often arrive at this term in my own abuse processing. My mother saw me as an extension of hersel...

Hi @Scarlet13... That's awful but the fact that you know what she did was wrong is absolutely true. Just off topic but do you think you're mum had a mental illness,? "... Mines had borderline disorder.

I feel we all were 'brainwashed'. A baby is not born knowing they are bad and wrong... that is why, in mo...
Hi @ladee... Absolutely.... Very wise words... I'm sorry what you went through was horrific.. And the fighter in you very strong and noble... Hugs

Hi @Scarlet13... That's awful but the fact that you know what she did was wrong is abso...
Borderline personality disorder
 
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Hi does anyone else believe in mind control.... Projects like mkultra?... Illuminati?... New world order.....

Yes i believe and found evidence of it in my life, there is a book i found that is a compilation of over thirty years research , really the best and most information ive found on it in one place, the book is nearly six hundred pages. I havnt finished it yet because it is triggering. I would recommend being very careful exploring this material especially if you consider programming. Mk ultra goes quite a bit further than shaming and threatning, but its certainly part of it.
I was never really triggered till all this pizza gate stuff started ,i grew up in virginia and Dc from 83-96, so coming to certain realizations is very very scary
 
The rabbit holes go very deep. It's one I've visited in my attempts to learn more and find it hard not to believe. After looking deeper into other arenas, too, like food ingredients and such that are made the most affordable and accessible, I very much feel we're steadily being "brainwashed" purposely in so many ways it's hard to keep up with them all.
 
Just off topic but do you think you're mum had a mental illness,? "... Mines had borderline disorder
Yes, it is believed that she likely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Three therapists have pointed to this disorder.
It is undiagnosed though. She would never go to therapy, as she believes she is perfect.
She has actually stated to me that my therapists are warping my mind and poisoning me against her!
She lives her life in this altered reality akin to a 1950's Christmas card which is why she just did not see the bad things happening to me. I got blamed for them all. I was bad.
When I first began reading about NPD, I felt a weight had been lifted, it made so much sense, and meant that maybe I was not bad, but maybe my mother has very disordered thinking and is very severely lost. Honestly living with her is a mind f*ck and it helps to step outside of that and see it for what it is.
 
So, I just want to add that I believe that what I suffered is not really mind control or brain washing mainly because my mom did not set out to control or change the thoughts in my brain.

Cult leaders will do this deliberately and victims of ritualistic or cult abuse have this specifically in planned and orchestrated ways.

My mom just wanted to control me and get me to believe SHE was good and perfect no matter what she did and this is close to mind control but maybe not really, I'm not sure. I am certainly very warped and full of cognitive distortions, but this is not the same as real mind control that is specifically orchestrated like in cult abuse.

I just wanted to point that out, that I do not believe I am the victim of brain washing, but more gas lighting which can f*ck you up a lot as well because you cannot ever trust yourself or your perspective of things if there is a lot of gas lighting.

I think gas lighting might also happen to a large extent in cult/ritual abuse.
 
I don’t need to believe in conspiracy theories to believe in the short/long term effects of : teaching/conditioning, abuse, trauma bonding, brainwashing, psychological warfare, interrogation, etc. The second set? Extremely well documented. Across a helluva lot of different situations. From raising healthy happy children on one side of the spectrum, to torturing prisoners & breaking minds on the other. Shaping hearts & minds, exerting or encouraging influence, forming connections & breakin them, has been subject of study for thousands of years. For both good & terrible purpose. And everything in between.

Believing messages from abusers doesn’t need anything “bigger” to back it up.
 
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I believe in 'bigger' 'conspiracy' theories just being a bunch of having better backing small pansies.

But I'm not happy about the terminology about whole this thing. More muddies the waters than assists. On multiple sides of the fence. The last thing survivors trying to make sense of the world (again) or wondering about hard to access pasts / break out of bad situations need, is a lot of serious terminology used like a big scary, ultimately meaningless, thing.

& Systematizing. One pansy to sort a time. Getting appropriate support, meantime. More ideas, too. Don't happen if one's busy panicking about the big bads. Distractions are useless.
 
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