koalaburger
Learning
My Psychologist is an expert in PTSD. In the last year she has really focussed on mindfulness. It has taken a lot of adjustment because it is very subtle. The secret seems to be for me, to express the rage and self hatred at myself in my bathroom mirror while I grip the sink. I shake and scream and watch my face get bright red as I repeat what my father said to me. I sometimes give a primal scream from the trauma and then can cry for ages as well. The trick is to remind myself I am an adult observing this ancient trauma and it is not in the now. I then spend time being present in my adult and keep reassuring my child that I am always there for him. I have only really been doing it properly for about a month and feel a bit better. I had to go into the valley of death and face my trauma but as an observer and healthy adult. I was in a lot of pain and felt like giving up but she reminded me 60 years of trauma is not fixed in a month. Anyone else gone down this path, and how long until I can feel comfortable in my own skin? Maybe I can get the last 20 years of my life not lived in emotional agony.