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Mindfullness and therapy.

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koalaburger

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My Psychologist is an expert in PTSD. In the last year she has really focussed on mindfulness. It has taken a lot of adjustment because it is very subtle. The secret seems to be for me, to express the rage and self hatred at myself in my bathroom mirror while I grip the sink. I shake and scream and watch my face get bright red as I repeat what my father said to me. I sometimes give a primal scream from the trauma and then can cry for ages as well. The trick is to remind myself I am an adult observing this ancient trauma and it is not in the now. I then spend time being present in my adult and keep reassuring my child that I am always there for him. I have only really been doing it properly for about a month and feel a bit better. I had to go into the valley of death and face my trauma but as an observer and healthy adult. I was in a lot of pain and felt like giving up but she reminded me 60 years of trauma is not fixed in a month. Anyone else gone down this path, and how long until I can feel comfortable in my own skin? Maybe I can get the last 20 years of my life not lived in emotional agony.
 
Well, well, well, Koalaburger, nice to know another "oldie" is in therapy. I can't answer your question as to how long this takes because I am newly on the journey, too. But, I do joke that I have just enough time to get my head in order before I die. You are braver than I in how you are addressing your trauma. I cannot do the mirror thing. It is hard enough to simply read out loud the written accounts of abuse I have recorded. I similarly tell myself that what I am experiencing is only a memory and it can no longer actively hurt me...I am safe. It does seem weird to be self-talking like this when you are in your 60's. I guess the traumatized brain is no respecter of persons. :)
 
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I do something similar every time I felt bad and/or had an emotional flashback.

I would go somewhere private or take a walk and talk to my inner child. She would share the abuse that triggered this feeling and I would relive the pain with her. I would then comfort her and feel nothing but love for her and me.

I found it very effective and I am still learning when I need to do it. Finding new levels of flashbacks all the time.

I see this as a lifelong job but it gets easier and easier. Maybe doing it on and off for 1 year or more
 
What you describe doesn't really sound live mindfulness, but I would encourage that. For me nindfumindfis a fad, many of my therapists actually agree. They have told me a study with a small amount of people back in the 70s led to it's popularity, and it's came back into fashion. Mostly because it's very cheap to deliver and can work for very minor issues. Sadly it gets pushed for everything. Great if it works, but it fails far more than it works apparently
 
What you describe doesn't really sound live mindfulness, but I would encourage that. For me nind...
I don’t think mindfulness has ever been “pushed” as a cure but merely a set of tools to put in the tool drawer and pull out when needed. It’s part of a whole but not the sum total. I find your exaggeration of what mindfulness is to misguided and uninformed.
 
Mindfulness simply means to be HERE. NOW. It is so not a fad. It’s rise in popularity is promising and good for all who do it. It’s not about “curing” anything, though. It is not a healing modality. It’s just a way of being with your experience; not trapped in the past and not longing for the future but solidly here.
 
The mirror exercise doesn’t sound like mindfulness - it’s the very opposite of being in the here and now to be screaming at yourself in the mirror about something that happened years ago.

I’m in two minds about mindfulness - I think there is a faddy, fashionable element to it that’s unhelpful where it’s punted as a cure for all ills. Of course it’s helpful to be fully present and aware as much as possible and it gives a framework and process for managing racing thoughts but it can also be very difficult for people who have experienced trauma to sit with themselves on this way. I guess like most things, some people find it helpful, it’s counter productive for others.
 
Thank you for all the responses. I guess I call it mindfulness because I am being present for what is going on inside me. I have used lots of diversions and substances to avoid feeling. I have been dissociated for all my life. My psych strongly emphasises doing it from the observer position, my adult. The separation is important because I have done a lot of crying in the past but it just felt like a non progression and I was just stuck in the trauma. I have been so scared of anger, so screaming in the mirror and punching my punching bag have been hard for me. So the technique she is using is to feel the energy as an observer and then to let it go. It seems to be working. When I learnt mindfulness I was taught to focus on my breathing and then check my body for any feelings. I sat with them for a while without getting caught up in them. I would then go back to my breathing and use it like a train moving me on. When I would go back to the observing quite often I would discover other feelings. This observing and then letting go and not getting caught up with the feelings fits mindfulness. The separating the trauma from the present seems to be making me feel better and I am not just caught up in the circular catharsis leading nowhere. I agree with Justmehere that psychology is just using Buddhist practice to help in the healing process.
 
I'm Buddhist and I would recommend mindfulness for everyone. There would be less anger and hatred and wars if we lived in the present, not in fear of what could happen or what did happen. My therapist was also Buddhist, as was his boss. Many therapists embrace the practice themselves, because it helps deal with counter-transference and helps them let go of everyone else's stuff.
 
I do a lot with trying to stay in my adult self and comforting my inner child.

Sometimes it’s so easy to forget my little one when there’s not a child part in agony. I do little things in my life to keep her present. Her favorite color is purple....hence my avatar. She always picks my nail polish color. Right now it’s bright pink. Adult me doesn’t claim purple as a favorite color and I’m so not a pink kind of woman!

The cool thing about mindfulness is that there’s so many ways to do it. It’s all about finding what works for you. I don’t do things like chewing my food mindfully as it just annoys the heck out of me, but I do other things in a mindful way. If something works for you in helping you stay in the present, run with it!

Hugs.
 
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