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Missing Sarge, Mental Mentor Who Held My Brain in His Hands

Discussion in 'General' started by dljwhitewolf, Jun 8, 2007.

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  1. dljwhitewolf

    dljwhitewolf Active Member

    :crybaby:Sarge Harold Schafer- airbourne ranger, black beret etc etc etc veitnam vet. (former pres. of ny state chapter of v.v. of america, passed about two years ago, helped all vets, and me, anytime anywhere for any reason.)
    I first want to say, I am happy you are with your brothers, cheering us all on down here.
    But I miss you, I miss hearing your voice, it had such a profound calming effect on me. I miss being understood, I miss your hands holding my brain, whispering words so simple to make me stop flashing and start seeing the here and now again, putting on the newest bandage, then placing my brain back in.
    When you were still here, I reached out to help your brothers, all the time. I know it's where I live at the moment, but there is no one here to help. No one to remind me of all the great paths you have shown me, of the times you thanked me, for what I do not know, but the words were felt, unlike the reg. people who I do not feel, nor ever want to. Plain and simple, we struggle to become ourselves again, and in that we fought for our feelings, unlike the normals, we feel intensely, and I see the reg. as sort of a fake facade of curiousity never finding realness. There are many of them to find each other.
    But why is it Sarge, that I am always the one they were searching for, each one, that within seconds they say they feel as though they have known me all their life. Every person is almost like a recording of the last.
    When will it be that I feel that way toward another?
    How can it be that I am the one and only, for so many, but can't find mine.
    Was I put here just to help and move on, it gets kind of boring doing the same routine over and over and never being inspired by one like myself.
    My inspiration is old and dusty, and haven't been alive enough to create anything artistic.
    Healing from surgery has made me a huge loner, and even though I don't remember what my dreams at night are, I awake to smell of adrenalin oozing out of my pores. Today I have a red spot on my eye from some fight I had in dreamland. I hate the fact that I am weakened. I hate knowing if I did have to go into full on protection mode, and use it, that I may be mortally wounded by my own actions. (for the readers, I haven't had to use my fighting skills for a long while, I just have them ready at all times, programmed and that's the way it is.)
    I miss you Sarge, but am so glad I was blessed to have you in my life. I truly know I would not be here if it weren't for you. The one who finally got me, the one with the big patch on his leather jacket that said, "If you weren't there, shut the fxck up".
    Our first meeting, after talking on the phone for over a year, was on the flightdeck. You were the only one I invited. You're first words were, "Wow, to be honest, for some reason I thought you were a fat girl, you really are a billy jack type."
    You made me laugh. But you took me even more seriously after our talk there. We had only seen each other for maybe five brief times, but way over a decade we spoke via the phone.
    Thank you for being you, thank you for the connection, thank you for the words. I cry for what I am missing. But always and forever, bless you with peace eternally. Thank you God, you don't always, but you got it right when you let him come down here. Take care of him, or you have me to deal with when I get up there for the last time.
    (gonna make some changes, too, so be ready God.)
    p.s. I am a shaman and can get away with that, I don't expect anyone to follow my lead on that one, we, God and I, have an understanding.
    Love and respectfully, White Wolf
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  3. WarHippy1%

    WarHippy1% Active Member

    SO, you 've learned everything your teacher has taught you, and you think having another teacher will make sharing your learnings more fulfilling?? We come into this world with a blank slate, eager to be taught. When we are ready, our teachers push us out of the nest to watch us fly. Are you ready to fly? God takes the teacher back to his realm after the lessons are learned, not before. You say that you are a Shaman, then you must see that. God and your teacher saw that you had learned enough to become the teacher and share your learnings with the world. I think I said this in another thread, but maybe you didn't see it or didn't think it pertained to you so here it is again, "When you've got one foot in yesterday and the other foot in tomorrow, you're pissing all over today". Today is where life is, it's also where you can be of service to others and pass your learnings on as they were passed to you, by Gods will. THAT is the meaning of life. Making the world a better place by helping the less fortunate. That is why God put a teacher into your life, because He saw that special spark in you. I believe the events that cause us to have PTSD are spiritual tests to determine if we've got a special niche in our heart that enables us to help others without expecting anything in return, a teachers heart. When I first answered one of your posts, I commented on 'Billy Jack'. I got you to laugh, which was my intent, but also to share a secret that we both know, even tho you felt the need to tell me Tom Laughlin was just an actor, but 'Billy Jack' was real. Every just cause in this world has it's villians, But God always balances the scales with a 'teacher', or 'Champion' or 'Billy Jack'. All three have the same meaning, they are here as a stopgap against chaos, which is anti-God. As for being alone, you should know different, if you really feel that way, read 'Footprints' , and remember that God is ALWAYS with you, unless you choose to shut Him out. I know that you know all this already, sometimes we need to hear it again to know that it's true.
    My teacher is with God now, too. I guess it's been about two years for me, also. He made sure I understood the important lessons that needed to be passed on. Two that come to mind are, the real definition of insanity and what Love really is and how it works. You'll never, ever hear either of them described as truthfully as I've learned them, because, at that time in my life, my life or death was hanging in the balance. I don't push what I've learned on people, neither do I withold it if someone is ready to believe. That's the teacher's role that has been put upon me to pass on. If I shirk my responsibility, God isn't gonna think less of me, but maybe an important lesson will be lost forever. Is your responsibility to pass on your knowledge less? I don't think so. We cannot transmit something that we have not learned.
    Most people talk to God, but then they do not stop and listen for God's answer. I think we have both learned how to listen, and that gives us more responsibility to help others when we can. Do you agree, or do you still think you need someone to guide you, besides God? Your teacher seemed to think you were ready, are you?
  4. dljwhitewolf

    dljwhitewolf Active Member

    God vs. Jesus, my brother won

    Warhippy, I remembered the day I was marked to come down here, and I remembered the day I was born. I remembered the day my dad said things to my mom when I wasn't even thought of. That was fifty nine, my dad's best ford to sup up and race, I was born in sixty three. But I was in that car when it crashed.
    When all was said and done,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I asked your god, to do three things for my brother before his death.
    I never said anything to anyone, but in the end my brother told me of the things I had prayed for, in detail.
    You have your God, mine had siblings.
    This is my last go round.
    Yes, you hit home, but not mine.
    Have you ever seen the man on a mountain, after you complained about the free will he had given this earth, I did , and he faltered.
    Let's not speak of religion, He is my brother, not my father.
  5. WarHippy1%

    WarHippy1% Active Member

    And He is my Friend, not my Father, and I don't recognize religion as anything but one mans way to fleece another man. I'm not an asshole all thru the week and go to church and accept Jesus as my saviour so I can be an asshole all next week again. If the man on a mountain is from the Bible, excuse me, The bible is not my God's words, I don't believe a word in it. If it was, there would be no misunderstanding. My description of God probably wouldn't fit anyone else's description. It doesn't have to, I'm not looking for approval from others of my views. I don't discuss religion either because it involves a middle man and somebody else's opinion of where you need to go to talk to Him. I talk to God without anyone's help, and His house is this world, so I talk to him anywhere, and I listen for His answer. Sometimes His answer is 'NO'. I'm sorry you took offense at something I said. Maybe I was wrong, I'm open-minded enough to admit my defects, there's alot of them. Maybe you'd rather rant, without hearing what others think. If so, rant away, I only offer my views when I think someone is ready to look at views other than their own. My last post stands, regardless of whether you leave Gods name in or take it out, it's still the way of life as seen thru my eyes.
  6. dljwhitewolf

    dljwhitewolf Active Member

    The letter to Sarge was a tribute, but written in a way that the readers could understand all that he had done for me in the past. Yes I did get scorned but out of protectiveness for Sarge. And yes, I reacted like a child defensively. But He was my mental understanding on earth.
    I do appreciate the words, believe me I do. I do not need a teacher, nor a guide. I had one, and no man on earth could have filled those shoes so beautifully.
    What I miss is the fact that there isn't a person within my world that can understand me. Not in the world. I lost alot of vets in a short frame period, and my heart is a bit broke up, but the area in which I currently live is not my cup of tea, and frankly I don't know what would be at this given moment.
    It's just nice be able to sit in a room with another, without even a conversation, and know you are home with this person, or just in my own world, and not the room.
    I have never had a home down here, and don't expect to, I have one waiting for me. I can give all the reasons why it would have been nice to, but the reality of it rings louder.
    I did not get to grow up in a family setting, I was in foster care, but from birth, I was always given visions. I am my own reservation, and maybe because we went through many of the same things, Sarge understood.
    He thanked me for many things, and I do know why, it just never merited enough for me to be, in comparison to all that he had helped me with, again my own thoughts, not his.
    I was given visions for Sarge, things that made absolutely no sense to me, but were a bandaid for him. I am just the telephone, though I have to feel a closeness or the spirits have to shout loud enough when there is not one, for me to respond to the call.
    I was born to pay a debt I did not earn. Well, debt paid. I just want at least one of my simple wants to be thought of, by the spirits that be. It's just in paying that debt, it caused a major distance.
    It's funny how I could be the one to rope someone back in, but their are not a living set of hands to do the same for me.
    I guess I'll just float around in the clouds, watching the lightning and letting mother nature take her front and center for a bit.
    I am not looking for another teacher, and Sarge was for flashbacks, not as a comrade.
    Again, the letter was written for all, in a few prespectives so more could understand. I do in writing most, not all, consider all types of individuals reading, and in that give them hope, in this letter, that someone does exist that could be a guide out of their hell.
    I just wanted him honored, me very grateful, and others to have hope, that's all.
  7. dljwhitewolf

    dljwhitewolf Active Member

    I still miss Sarge, not for help, but for the comradery
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