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Mistaking objects for weapons when surprised by them

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Sweetleaf

MyPTSD Pro
My mom just came up from behind me and pointed her wireless mouse in my face (I guess I mean "at my face", it was just really close like point blank basically) and clicked the buttons. Like as a joke or some shit? I didn't think it was very funny. I freaked the f*ck out, got startled and got really f*cking frightened.

To me it was a gun in my face.
There was no time for my mind to go "you know, nobody here has a gun and nobody here would be pointing one in your face ever"
I didn't have time to recognize the object before my brain saw a black object in someones hand in my face and just went "HEY!! GUN IN YOUR FACE!!"
So I recoiled and got startled and froze and made a noise
I had a flashback of my abuser pointing a gun in my face. I was just frozen and so scared.
It flooded me with memories to have that all happen.
Now im in my room shaking. I couldn't keep sitting out there in the living room like I was. She was apologizing for doing it, not knowing it would scare me. I dont know if i responded.

Anyone else ever have shit like this happen? ._.
 
Yep. Not only objects but also movement.

More so movement, or tone of voice, or smells. I get very aggressive if someone puts anything near my face.

I'm glad you guys mentioned those things.

It is the same for me. Does it feel embarrassing for you, when you physically react to that sort of stuff? It's made me leave places before. Ugh.

The one that just happened was just particularly triggering for me >.< which is why I even posted.
 
Ya, I give myself permission to leave or take a break, or have alone time if it gets large. That is simply self care. Especially if it starts to feel like the anxiety is about to get out of control...
And no, I don't feel embarrassed anymore. People don't understand, they never will, and I don't owe any one an explanation... Just excuse myself, or have on occasion, just disappeared,, but I need to get myself to a safe place,and do what I know to do to get grounded...

Try to remember to be good to your self during those times. if you can. Adding negative self judgment does not help and only prolongs the process... hope this helps.
 
Thanks for your input everyone. It is good to try to look at it in other ways, to not blame myself, to view those things as natural reactions - they just can get really startling and triggering. I hate when it's something that takes hours, or like, the rest of the day to calm down from, and the reactions in the moment can make me feel like a spaz. I hate it when I'm not able to maintain a facade - when I'm not able to hide what I'm thinking and feeling internally. I hate the physical anxiety/panic stuff like shaking for the same reason.

Is this something that can lessen with time? The whole, being spooked by movement/objects/sounds/etc. thing.

Do any specific therapies help with this sort of stuff?
 
. Does it feel embarrassing for you, when you physically react to that sort of stuff? It's made me leave places before. Ugh.
Less embarrassment, more deep shame & distrust (of myself)... not being able to trust my own judgment (instinctual or reasoned) is hands down the thing I hate most about this disorder. And what I work on, the most.

Do any specific therapies help with this sort of stuff?
I do 2 different kinds of exposure therapy on triggers & stressors.

The safe/sane way is to sloooooooooowly chip away at them, eventually removing any kind of physiological/ mental/ emotional reaction to the thing itself. It involves coming just close enough to provoke a tiny reaction... skin prickling / heartbeat slightly raised kind of thing... and then backing away. Flirting along the edge of the thing, until the boundary itself starts shifting. Takes a long time. Totally worth it. Very boring though. Literally. Because if you’re not bored? You’re doing it too fast. Boredom is the key. And you can’t force that.

The fast and dirty way is more than half about learning how to yank panic attacks down to earth before they can kick off, and to recover from them faster once they have. Because you deliberately provoke your hardest/strongest reaction possible. Over. And over. And over again. It’s brutal. Super useful, because what used to take hours and days to deal with becomes seconds and minutes, but very very brutal. It’s ALSO flip a coin whether the thing you’re triggering yourself with gets smoothed out, or kind of permanently locked in. So be careful with that one. This is the first kind of exposure therapy I learned, we used it at work. A long weekend of being triggered & tackled to the floor dozens/hundreds of times. Those of us who it worked for got to keep working, those it didn’t work for had to quit. It worked for me. It worked for most of the people I worked with. It didn’t work for a lot of others.

^^^
These are very much like getting used to cold water. The first version you’re doing it slowly, so slowly it never even really feels cold. The second version you just jump in. Like real water, though, just jumping in can work or go very badly. This isn’t a heated swimming pool, this is glacial runoff.
 
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