Grama-Herc
MyPTSD Pro
Well guys, hold on to your hats. This one is a kicker!
Mom and I were having our usual after dinner conversation last night about me, my sister, stuff in general and the subject of my Dad came up. It always does when we talk like this after diner. My parents were divorced in 1965 so we are always talking about what an a-- hole he was!
Well out of the blue she asks me if my dad ever "did anything"! My response was I don't know! But what ever trauma I experienced was horrific enough to wipe out my childhood and teenage memory.
To this statement she responds with a Real Eye Opener. She says that she never gave it much thought before but he always told her to go to bed and he would be in later. He NEVER went to bed when she did--it was always "later"
"NOW" it seems strange to her but it didn't way back when?? What the hell was she thinking??-or am I just being to sensitive? ? ?
To this revelation I tell her that I am getting a deep sense of real fear. That all of a sudden I was uncomfortable and uneasy. But I could not say he did or did not do anything to me.
She then says well he may not have done anything "like that" but did he maybe fondle you or touch you in some way. Now where in the hell did that one come from?
I have told my therapists that I have always felt that my mom knows what really happened but is keeping it to herself. She made a statement last night that we have all heard before. She says to me and I quote "I would have known if something like that was going on" Then she adds "but your dad was not that kind of person".
I am, to say the least, extremely unnerved, but this has not caused any memories to return. Now, I'm just a nervous wreck full of panic,anxiety,fear,confusion and need to crawl under the bed till this storm passes! ! !
What the hell was she thinking! Why, if she knows the truth did she ask me that. The only answer I come to is--she wants to see if the memory has returned and am I angry with her.
Imput please! I'm at a loss on this except to say that I AM A COMPLETE WRECK AND STILL NO MEMORY!!!!!!!!
Mom and I were having our usual after dinner conversation last night about me, my sister, stuff in general and the subject of my Dad came up. It always does when we talk like this after diner. My parents were divorced in 1965 so we are always talking about what an a-- hole he was!
Well out of the blue she asks me if my dad ever "did anything"! My response was I don't know! But what ever trauma I experienced was horrific enough to wipe out my childhood and teenage memory.
To this statement she responds with a Real Eye Opener. She says that she never gave it much thought before but he always told her to go to bed and he would be in later. He NEVER went to bed when she did--it was always "later"
"NOW" it seems strange to her but it didn't way back when?? What the hell was she thinking??-or am I just being to sensitive? ? ?
To this revelation I tell her that I am getting a deep sense of real fear. That all of a sudden I was uncomfortable and uneasy. But I could not say he did or did not do anything to me.
She then says well he may not have done anything "like that" but did he maybe fondle you or touch you in some way. Now where in the hell did that one come from?
I have told my therapists that I have always felt that my mom knows what really happened but is keeping it to herself. She made a statement last night that we have all heard before. She says to me and I quote "I would have known if something like that was going on" Then she adds "but your dad was not that kind of person".
I am, to say the least, extremely unnerved, but this has not caused any memories to return. Now, I'm just a nervous wreck full of panic,anxiety,fear,confusion and need to crawl under the bed till this storm passes! ! !
What the hell was she thinking! Why, if she knows the truth did she ask me that. The only answer I come to is--she wants to see if the memory has returned and am I angry with her.
Imput please! I'm at a loss on this except to say that I AM A COMPLETE WRECK AND STILL NO MEMORY!!!!!!!!