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Mom with PTSD

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Jay, Jul 15, 2007.

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  1. Jay

    Jay Active Member

    Hello, sleep wouldn't come and I thought I'd get up and find out who else can't sleep, maybe look around for a PTSD group. It's been really interesting (albeit sad) to read the posts on this site tonight.

    I'm a middle-aged woman, happily married, mother of two, business tools consultant. Five years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. Unfortunately, as the therapist put it, "the war wasn't over", so I really struggled over that first year after diagnosis. I was on a lot of medication and had therapy sessions 2 or 3 or 4 times per week.

    Our eldest child suffers from a neurological disorder. Beginning at age 14, he starting having what we came to call "episoldes". These episodes always ended up involving the police and weapons. They were very frightening for everybody. Two stand out for me in particular. One where I frantically searched for my missing son while the police also searched for what they believed to be an "armed and dangerous" man. It was a race to see who could find him first. Another, the authorities evacuated our street, sending our neighbors to the park, barricading the street, bringing in ambulances and the police tactical unit. We were in our house with our little daughter. Our son wasn't home. They'd gotten the idea he was holding us hostage. They surrounded our home, guns drawn and pointed at our windows and doors. We had no idea. Suddenly the door snaps open and all I remember is thinking that with their body armour on, the police looked like ants. Sounds silly now, but that's what came to mind. It's amazing how the mind works when you're terrified.

    It all seems like a long time ago now, and we've gone through some extraordinary times as a family. A year into the diagnosis, I stopped taking medication and stopped going to therapy. The war, the biggest battles anyways, were clearly over, and that went a very long way in soothing my soul. Still, sometimes I'm haunted by some of the symptoms that sent me screaming into my doctor's office five years ago. Sometimes, not often, I can't sleep. It's not that I'm not tired. I'm afraid. I'm unreasonable. One unreasonable thought leads to another and another, and before you know it, I've imagined that there are bad guys in the house and they're going to kidnap my daughter. Or that the police are here again, and that they have their guns out again, and this time they're going to shoot somebody. When I get like this, I sneak out of bed every 10 minutes to check on my daughter. I "sneak" because I know it pains my husband to see me this way. I don't want to disturb him. I don't really have nightmares anymore. Just the occasional inability to sleep. Like tongiht.

    So it's two o'clock in the morning and maybe now I'm tired enough to nod off.

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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Welcome to the forum Jay.

    Hope you got a good night's sleep (hehe I'm still up at 2am myself!)

  4. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Hi Jay,

    Welcome to the forum....Kind of sad that people have to come together on a PTSD site, but I am so grateful that it's here.

  5. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Welcome to the forum Jay, glad to have you here.
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