Mommy and daddy issues!!

[The_One]

So I’ve done some soul searching this past weekend because the topic of dating has become a topic in our family
Now. I realized I have daddy issues and I know that. He was there but not there at the same time, money problems, irresponsible, not good to my mom. and his death at 14 years old just compounded that and made it worse.

Now I realized after this dating issue came up again after it was a huge problem in high school I have realized I have mommy issues too.
My mom has never dated and had an arranged marriage to my dad (I really think they should’ve gotten a divorce) and because of this she thinks all men are dogs. She has stated “she hates all men” from when I was 6-7 years old. I don’t think a mother should be saying that to their young daughters who have not started dating and barely have made it into puberty. It just got worse when we got into puberty. She has daddy issues and mommy issues as well , her mom was very stoic and not very emotionally attuned to her needs and was not very motherly to her. Her dad left her to study & work in Canada and she rarely saw him. So I think it’s a lot of generational trauma playing out now.

I’ve noticed that I do have mommy issues. And now I feel more alone then I thought I might. Dating has always been a struggle with her because being an Indian mom she just doesn’t understand. Don’t get me wrong she’s an amazing mom she’s done alot being a single mom but she has not been the nicest mom. I’m not asking for a perfect mom but I see where her traumas are being put onto me. She can be really mean like her mom was to her. I don’t Rmbr her being affectionate towards me when I was little even tho I see photos of it. It’s just weird…

I just feel more alone now that I know I have both mom and daddy issues. I’m def bringing this up to my therapist. It just hurts to know and to realize it.

I don’t know if it’s common to have this happen with both parents?? Idk what maybe I’m looking for advice. When I become a parent I want to be not like my parents were. In all aspects.

 

[Movingforward10]

Yeah I think it's common to have issues with both parents. I do. My mum is a narcissist and my dad emotionally absent and colluding with her. Somehow I feel more let down by him than her. Her I have simmering rage about. Him I can't fathom.

It's hard working through these issues as we're meant to respect and care for/about our parents. But ......in my opinion, they need to earn that?

Hope talking it through in therapy helps you to find your voice and your values, and puts your mum's where they belong: on her as opposed to in you.

 

[The_One]

Yeah I think it's common to have issues with both parents. I do. My mum is a narcissist and my dad emotionally absent and colluding with her. Somehow I feel more let down by him than her. Her I have simmering rage about. Him I can't fathom.

It's hard working through these issues as we're meant to respect and care for/about our parents. But ......in my opinion, they need to earn that?

Hope talking it through in therapy helps you to find your voice and your values, and puts your mum's where they belong: on her as opposed to in you.

I just never thought I’d be actually realizing this lol. I kinda didn’t wanna realize it about my mom since I still live at home and cannot afford to move out. She’s helped me a lot and has obviously raised me and tried her best as a parent. I just think sometimes she is way too over protective even now as we’re adults.

Yeah I think it's common to have issues with both parents. I do. My mum is a narcissist and my dad emotionally absent and colluding with her. Somehow I feel more let down by him than her. Her I have simmering rage about. Him I can't fathom.

It's hard working through these issues as we're meant to respect and care for/about our parents. But ......in my opinion, they need to earn that?

Hope talking it through in therapy helps you to find your voice and your values, and puts your mum's where they belong: on her as opposed to in you.

And yeah I don’t really like my dad either and I figured out he’s a narcissist too. So I know how you feel. My dad died though so it’s not like I have to deal with him everyday.